While eating some peanuts today I thought to myself "I don't even need to know the circumstances if I hear about an elephant stomping out a human I'm on the side of the elephant". Just the kind of benefit of the doubt you get from one peanut enjoyer to another I guess

So if my understanding is correct Drake got called a pedophile to universal delight and his response two years later is "you know who else was a pedophile that people like? That's right Michael Jackson"

I wanted to play kingdom hearts when it came out but was too embarrassed to pick it up or rent it. Turns out that was for the best

I'm glad the Sabres decided that giving up is for suckers because I sure didn't think they could push to a game 7. But that's why I'm chomping on popcorn on the big comfy couch while they're on the ice whipping bullets past blindsided goaltenders

It's going to feel really good watching the Avalanche cave in Vegas and that dim lights merchant Mitch Marner

I think my favourite line of Drake's clapback after hiding in the gutter for two years is "Plot twist, the owl never sees the cage, the owl only wakes up to seize the day" because he forgot owls are nocturnal

When your cat looks in another direction for a minute and you're puzzled about what has their attention, that's when it's addressing the audience. If you read Garfield you'd understand that's the beat where it's thinking about something really funny, at your expense, making you look like an idiot

It's gotta feel cool as hell watching that $2.34 hit the bank after posting "Belieb in yourselfs" on a Twitter account named Feelings

It's pretty clear by now that they should've never given the captaincy to Auston Matthews. I'd be sympathetic to his (rumoured) complaints about team performance and management if he had a single postseason series you could point to where he took over, but that doesn't exist.

*"do you hear the people sing" crescendos into a thunderous roar across the exurbs of the continent*

Canadiens down by two goals with a minute left and spent 45 seconds of that passing the puck around trying to find an optimal lane. They might be too stupid to win this series

As the last snow melts, A scent of cherry blossom. NO FUN — NOT WORTH IT!!

The most intriguing part of that star fox 64 remake is the online multiplayer deathmatch dogfighting. Can't be screen peeking when I'm matched against a guy in Korea. But also it's not for me and I can't imagine anyone else who played the original seven hundred thousand times.

As expected Buffalo vs. Montreal is loose as shit. Action packed free flying fun hockey. It's got the juice.

I cannot stress enough how funny it is that the Leafs won the draft lottery. They were dead and destined for years of irrelevance since they traded away all their picks. All the signals they'd do a piecemeal retooling until it didn't work and then a full teardown. Now they have options.

In my elation I can't forget what's really important about the Leafs winning the number 1 pick: Boston is fucked. No 1st's out of the Carlo and Marchand deals until 2028

What's a pair of balls to a ballless franchise

Lmfao the Leafs won the draft lottery and will have the first pick HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lost a follower for reporting the news. Not an endorsement, just a fact. The taco bell dog is setting debilitating fiscal policy to the developing world.

remember the taco bell dog? he's an operational consultant at the world bank now.

Anybody who claims Montreal is now Canada's team clearly forgets the grievances first forged on the Plains of Abraham. In a gesture of respect to Quebec I will not subject them to such fickle fandom and swear my allegiance to Canada's true representative, the Buffalo Sabres

I'm sorry did the Habs actually put 9 shots on goal to Tampa's 30 and still win that game? Vasilevskiy really is a COVID merchant after all

Neat summary of the Leafs announcing their new front office

I'll always be thankful in Pokemon Blue for having a lottery with 1 in 65,000 odds so when I grew up I understood instantly just how insane 1 in 35 million odds were. It's great for children to understand the evils of gambling in low stakes environments.

A guy like Rasputin would've really cleaned up in this era. He'd be a billionaire selling crystals and mood rings

That was definitely a more convincing penalty but not quite near the threshold for calling one in an elimination game overtime. The threshold being somebody has to take out a gun and fire into a kneecap

Canada's team, the Buffalo Sabres of Buffalo, Canada, have vanquished the perennially embarrassing Boston Bruins.

I get that Tampa Bay were due a makeup call over that missed high stick but giving them one off that bullshit goalie interference with three minutes left in a tied playoff game is insane. Launching a nuke at a guy slinging a rock type of crazy

Out of character to see Joel Quenneville speaking up about an illegal act when Hyman kicked that one in

I'm thankful that the Dallas Stars decided to cut to the chase and blow it in the first round. One of those teams that always wastes everybody's time, but not this year. It was very thoughtful and I appreciate it

Raiden guessing "uh it's your birthday isn't it?" When pressed by Rose about the significance of April 30th might be the funniest part of MGS2. Brother you don't even remember your girlfriend's birthday?

Why are they asking documented racist Jon Gruden of the NFL for advice on tactics during NHL playoff hockey games

Happy anniversary to the Big Shell Incident, which occurred on this date 17 years ago. One can only pray the terrorists who murdered president James Johnson are eventually brought to justice

United in hatred of Boston \ / Southern Ontario 🤝 Buffalo

Good. I hope "mad world" plays in his head like tinnitus.

Bringing my own collection into the criterion closet and placing them on the shelves until they stop me. This is A Tale of Two Kitties, underrated gem. Let's just take out Ikiru and squeeze it in there. Next up we've got The Dukes of Hazzard. Revolutionary on release. Salò more like so long.

*hunched over in my utility room apartment, writing a note by candlelight into my Darger-sized volumes on powerscaling* As powerful as the Ents were as a unifying force, I'm afraid they would all be laid low by Paul Bunyan. It wouldn't even be a contest.

McDavid fixing to commit arson after this one

A year ago I thought it was slightly possible McDavid could sign with the Leafs if the Oilers kept shitting the bed but now that Toronto is in freefall with an AI poisoned front office calling the shots I've flushed that dream, so I don't really care what happens with Edmonton anymore.

I kind of thought irrationally that phantom penalties only happened to my own team but Montreal got jobbed pretty bad late game tonight. So bad they had to give them a pity powerplay with two minutes left.

I encourage you to vote for Hanamaruobake, the cute white ghost with fluffy ears, swirly cheeks, and a hanamaru on his buttocks, in the 2026 Sanrio character ranking poll

Here's a couple beans to count

There's an ad playing during these playoffs where a bunch of fishermen are talking about huge catches and then some stick at the bar says "that's nothing let me tell you about my legendary seven game parlay" and then it hard cuts to him being keelhauled as a storm approaches in the distance

Not so easy to win a first round series huh you stupid fucks.

In hockey news the Ottawa Senators have a broccoli headed fan that made a terrible playoff rally song for the second year in a row and found themselves down 2 games in their round 1 series so the team chased him to Taiwan. Literally banished him to the Orient. Anyways now they're down 3 games

Kinda walks I be taking in early spring before the first bloom

it's appropriate that our pathetic moment doesn't get a metal gear solid 2 seer and we're settling on a jar jar binks merchandiser.

*scene where nanako dies at the hospital* on a purely conceptual level, i suppose i can understand why the women are upset