Went to a convention and saw Clippy from Microsoft Word. He was signing autographs for 50 dollars and screaming at attendees to pay him if they tried to take a picture. He was really overweight. Watched a fan blow into his cars ignition interlock so he could drive home.

Bills barely winning against a 3-11 team is as light as a feather. They barely win against 12-2 teams too. They barely win against all creation. They could barely win against an assemblage of archangels.

DJ Moore kicks ass. That game ruled. Magical stuff

It's basically unforgivable to give up an onside kick in today's NFL

🫡

Replaying Metroid Dread and whoever designed this puzzle can suck me

In this season of reflection I have to give a big shout out to nicotine. MVP for 2025. Couldn't have made it through the year without it. Here's to another year of compounding health complications spurred by mankind's greatest ally

Had to get a bunch of holiday licorice for a licorice liker so I figured my best bet is the grocery store branded like a eurozone market paradise and buddy, they not only have licorice, they have it shaped like little herring

Yawning and stretching while yelling the korn freak on a leash boowattaboo-bombaweena thing

There must have been some magic in that rotten fucked up hat For when they placed it on his head he began to squat and shat Oh Frosty the Problem Better hurry on his way There are codes and norms People must conform The world isn't your bidet

Wholeheartedly approve of a Canadian monument dedicated to the "victims of communism" with absolutely no names on it

Trying to decide which playoffs were the most devastating I've experienced watching the Leafs and I think it's a tossup between 2020-21 and 2023-24. Covid year was designed for them to make a run and they still blew it, while 2023-24 was the thousandth game 7 loss to Boston and a part of me died.

Eat shit Patriots. Objects in the mirror looking startlingly close huh

80s Hollywood Agent going "Santa, Bubbe" then immediately being shot by Hans Gruber

Watched the live action jungle book in Berlin. Box office attendant was like “there’s an English dub/sub you know, I can sell you tickets for that” and I said madam that is not what I’m here for. I’m here for German shere khan roaring out 17 syllable epithets and getting the gist of it

"maybe i'm naive" should be editorially mandated to end every article that's published in the atlantic

If they made another good pod racing game I might start believing the world can be healed

I think it's pretty shocking after demonstrating for several decades that Disney doesn't understand what made the Muppets good, or endearing, they rolled out one of the oldest ones and did a bit that hit the nail on the head exactly. Never would've bet that in a million years.

*having played neither of those GOTY winners* it’s no Astro Bot

I'm starting to suspect they're not going to drop the curtains and reveal a remaster of arcade classic BurgerTime. Makes sense really, nobody can afford a fast food burger no more.

This bit owns. Rowlf the dog top tier S rank Muppet

It's been a while since I've been like "oh yeah I'm playing that immediately" after watching these game awards trailers but a new Ace Combat definitely qualifies

Evanescence is a nice surprise but this evening is missing a startling amount of BurgerTime

Did they announce a BurgerTime remake yet

Look, that Time cover of the architects of AI chopped over actual workers taking a break on an I-beam building physical shit in the United States is going to play so well in the last couple pages of chapter "decline and ruin"

Time's Person of the Year for 2025 is clean, beautiful, sexy coal.

Imagine if Calvin's Dad had to read the news from an algorithm in 2025 and the next Sunday comic it's just seven panels of him polishing a rifle in the garage under a single dangling bulb

The M

"It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now, wait till you get older" is a line that has no business being in a smash mouth song, but does explain why they were accomplished philosophers before picking up the guitar

I bet if they never released Metroid Dread I would've been pretty cheesed they made a mediocre Metroid game after a hundred years of waiting, but they did release it. And it was a side scroller. And it was perfect. And I didn't have to buy a new system to play it. So everything's neat

[dipping into the ol' archives, a classic from November 21st, 2012] What if it was "Life of Guy" and it's about a dude on a boat just flipping through the sports section of a newspaper for 127 minutes. And the tiger he's worried about are the Bengals

Sometime over the late evening my immune system had its stalingrad and it appears the tide is finally turning on this invasive and aggressive cold/flu. I’ve implemented lend lease by whipping up some neocitran.

Babar probably sanctioned the sale of ivory

The best Bills games over the last few years have always been the ones where Josh Allen just decides he's not going to let his team of putrid losers drag them to Hell, which is why he has a billion rushing and passing touchdowns because that happens a lot

Josh Fucking Allen

my favourite part of the liz truss show is "i can't believe you'd truss me" where she takes a camera out to the street while holding ten boxes of banana cream pies and a production assistant trips a stranger into her and she demands reparation for the pies immediately

I'm fine with ads running on smart fridge monitors but they need to be ads for the food you've got in there already. And not the brand, just the item. "Eggs! Hard to go wrong with these". "Sliced Havarti! Try it with Bread!"

I was never in danger of the dreaded rightist chud youth pipeline despite being into anime/manga/Japan for what I assume to be a simple reason: I was never really that into Roman history. Not my bag.

*talking to don on discord while playing COD* Yeah I guess you might call that a big ballroom. If you have a small penis that is.

Snake: code breaking is a desk job. Where'd you get this kind of scar? Eva: you really want to know? *Remembers falling asleep on a fork while watching a Netflix documentary about courageous animals* Eva: well too bad. Girls gotta have some secrets you know

Are Gungans kind of like Warhammer 40k orcs where they just will a machine into working through psychic belief. We never really see a Gungan engineer to confirm this but I have to imagine they just hit a generator with a hammer and call it a day

Activating fast travel *closes eyes on the plane* *Baby screams* [YOU CANNOT FAST TRAVEL HERE] *Man farts* [YOU REALLY CANNOT FAST TRAVEL HERE]

🎶 but do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all?🎶 *Nods* 🎶........Rudolph the re-🎶 RUDOLPH

😵‍💫 : what now chatGPT: inhale 😤 ..... 😵‍💫 : what now chatGPT: exhale 😮‍💨 ..... 😵‍💫 : what now [INTERNAL SERVER ERROR] ..... 😵

Warning popped up on my phone for a snow squall but my failing eyes at a glance read that as "snow squatch" and for a brief second hoped I wouldn't run into such a horrific beast. Would ruin my whole commute

Keep rotating in my mind that Black Friday needs a holiday mascot but all I can picture is a massive form with swirling galaxies for eyes with a jaw of unimaginable size broadcasting the screams of the countless millions of worlds it's swallowed. Hard to make a primetime special about that