If Schumer steps down he will probably fall and break his hip.

Chuck Schumer should step down.

I genuinely think the Dems have decided it is beneficial for them to let healthcare skyrocket and fundraise vs give people help with healthcare costs. This is your better option of the two parties. Just two different sized dildos to jam up your ass. You want the 12” or 25”?

Trump says Fent makes you look like a chopped Smurf 👍🧟 @milesofgray.bsky.social @jackob1.bsky.social @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social #fentanyl #smurf #podcast #comedy #trump

Folding the toilet paper into a little triangle hides a multitude of sins 🎩😌 @blakewexler.bsky.social @milesofgray.bsky.social @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social #podcast #comedy #maidservice #hotels #andrewcuomo

He’s the Jim Kramer of politics so this should frighten you

What stage of capitalism is this?

That oughta do it

Erika Kirk must have thought it was called ‘morning’ and not ‘mourning’ because she was over it by the afternoon.

Congrats, Los Angeles

The dodgers didn’t win, they bought. Congrats to their money.

Oh my god that’s TERRIFYING. Going to Tampa. Yuck.

Please stop saying Erika Kirk and JD Vance are fucking. It’s inappropriate for the couch he porks to hear this:

This eerily accurate Elon impression from @jadomian.bsky.social impressed the crowds at SXSW and our panel. Don't break this one out at the party, though. Someone might mistake you for the real thing and puke. #TeslaTakedownAwards #TeslaTakedown

They just lap us over and over again.

Appreciate the no spread!

I know Starmer is a total sack of useless shit but UK voters please don’t vote Farage. He’s Trump in a Kermit the frog suit. Green Party seems to be the only way. And I don’t even know that much about Polanski but Farage will take down the UK even further.

I’m worried I have some penis in my microplastics.

The only way to save the east wing is to put a statue of a confederate general on it.

Totally normal headline for totally normal times. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Good fun last night at the Vic for another round of @thedollop.bsky.social! Always a treat to see these two and learn something new about our town’s history. @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social was in spectacular form as always 😙👌

George Soros gave me a nose bleed.

Man the President shits a lot of diarrhea

"Don't make yourself killable." - Gareth (prefers "Gary") Reynolds. @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social

Only a trump could pull off “we saved God“ and “Bud Light is no longer woke“ in the same brag diatribe. Also honorable mention to titling your book after the Steven Seagal boat chef movie.

Moron vs Zohran

Nothing makes me lose my patience more than being thanked for it while on hold.

Ronald Reagan must be cumming in his grave. Aka Nancy’s throat.

Definitely needed this today. @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social @billywaynedavis.bsky.social open.spotify.com/episode/2prl...

How the right wing sees the future.

The Den made a cool mistake and while the shows are listed as sold out, there are ACTUALLY a few tickets available for the late show tonight! It’s a special taping! 930 pm! www.bandsintown.com/t/106624790?...

What do I see? A man with a deep connection to truth.

…….

Racist car driver

It’s damn near 2026 and the federal minimum wage is STILL $7.25 per hour.

@reynoldsgareth.bsky.social oh hey! Just bought the last ticket to your early show in Chicago! See you at the taping. Take a lesson people. This is what happens when you don’t have a date. You get to go to the FUN shit. #GARY? #GARETH #JOSE #Chicago

I thought moon fucking was just anal?

The Rizzler should buy all sizzlers. The rest works it self out.

A great way to stop people speculating about what is in the Epstein files would be to never release them and be really cagey about why and try to avoid it and make as many distractions as you can so you show how much you don’t want to release them

This is much, much more significant than the Comey indictment but has gotten like 0.1% of the media coverage

RFK sounds like a recording of a ghost.

When it comes to autism, who are you going to believe? All the doctors or a former heroin addict who picks up road kill and a fat Oompa Loompa with basketball ankles?

Trump’s brilliance is you can’t focus on all of his awful.

So all this will now just give Jimmy amazing ratings? Smart again, Donny.

I now end every phone call with “we have the watch. I’ll see you in Valhalla.”

He will be changing our scale to the ‘SpecTRUMP.’

I’ll bet when Kash Patel orgasms his eyes pop out of socket like an elder pug and the poor being under him has to push em back in with a stick.

Wait weren’t groceries supposed to get cheap?

This is good. You want this.

For people who will miss Kimmel may I suggest Gutfeld? He’s not funny or likable and seems like a real POS but he…wait forgot where I was going. He has the Garfield font?