The Eagles have officially flown into my marriage 🦅

Go 🐓

Last night I accidentally hit “cook” instead of “timer” and was so lazy that I microwaved nothing for 12 minutes

🚨Big Boy Show🚨 January 16, 2026 I’m headlining NYC for the first time! Littlefield is one of the best venues in Brooklyn, where my dad was born, which makes me half-Brooklyn by birth. If you’re going to see me this year, this is the one. 🎫 on sale now: www.eventbrite.com/e/blake-wexl...

Boston! I am now a married man, but this Friday November 7th I return to the place where I became a bachelor of science. Though I’m extremely proud of my contributions to the scientific community, this Friday is all about the art of stand up comedy. 🎟️ here! www.eventbrite.com/e/hideout-co...

The walk of a shame hits a little harder when you’re still wearing ghoul makeup

🎟️ Boston next week! www.eventbrite.com/e/hideout-co... 🎟️ Chicago next month! www.eventbrite.com/e/blake-wexl... 🎟️ Brooklyn soon! www.eventbrite.com/e/blake-wexl...

Why would you ever choose trick

I’m by no means a financial expert, but my income has increased dramatically ever since I started saying “put her there!” whenever I shake a person’s hand.

Wait grocery stores have bars in them now?

No joke I have the exact same hips and ass as this tree

Now that’s one fuckable truck

This is still the most romantic thing that’s ever been done

It’s time to let the rat out of the nest! Come see my new hour in these places: 10/18 Jersey City 11/7 Boston 12/7 Chicago 1/16 Brooklyn 1/31 Bethlehem 3/20 Minneapolis More info and 🎟️ in my bio!

Dog photographers are a rare breed

My dad is 126 years old

Please, call me Blake. Daddy Balboa is my father’s name.

Sometimes I do this thing on planes (that no one has ever laughed at) where I offer to help men who are very clearly stronger than I am put their bags in the overhead compartment

I always love romping around in Asheville, come join me this Saturday 9/27 and get tix here!! 🎟️ www.eventbrite.com/e/modelface-...

Probably should’ve gone with a Tylenol review instead

I swear to god if I miss one more fucking rapture

Welcome to Mouse Uber.

Total team effort today, but it starts with these three

Nothing better than an NFL Sunday in my favorite chair

They’re great!

We had @reynoldsgareth.bsky.social on episode 1932 ‘Fentanyl Ghost Protocol, I Can Speech For Free?’ - listen now! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t... @blakewexler.bsky.social @milesofgray.bsky.social

ASHEVILLE! See you next Saturday, tix right here: www.eventbrite.com/e/modelface-...

The orange juice market is completely out of control

Looks like somebody’s about to open up his marriage 😎

Always lift with your legs

This is why I don’t use Airbnb anymore

Jack’s being hunted by a swamp thing 🧌 #podcast #comedy #thehistorian #dracula @jackob1.bsky.social @blakewexler.bsky.social @toriglass.bsky.social

Stay away from this guy’s list

Founding father? More like a founding BABY

Drinking a smoothie on the way to my yearly physical like that’s going to undo the previous 364 days of total war I waged against my body

This legit looks like someone Trump would appoint as his secretary of agriculture

We’ve got back issues

It looks like Apple is reminding me of a forced-stay in a state mental institution

We had @katiegoldin.bsky.social on episode 1910 ‘Pizza My Heart, US Tourism On Fire (The Bad Way)’ - listen now! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t... @jackob1.bsky.social @blakewexler.bsky.social

Might have a little too much love for The Zeitgang & @dailyzeitgeist.bsky.social

Very confused by this bar’s vibe

OMFG this is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen

You can literally hear the stress in my voice. I’m back from 🇮🇪, Philly get your tix to see me and my friends on Friday! www.eventbrite.com/e/blake-wexl...

We had @blakewexler.bsky.social on episode 1899 ‘Coldplay RUINS Lives! Unabomber Humble Brag!’ - listen now! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t... @jackob1.bsky.social @milesofgray.bsky.social

Stacey!!!! 😭😭😭

When I take out the trash, I think it’s fun to try and toss the bag from our deck into the trash can. My wife found a video of me doing it last night, and I look completely insane. Like I have no brain in my head at all.

If it’s self-disgust you’re looking for, may I suggest making your bed at 5:11pm on a Wednesday

Philly! On 8/1 for the first time in my career I’m going to be doing a completely improvised stand-up set. I’m very excited and have no idea what the hell is going to happen so I’m bringing some of my favorite comedians along for the ride. Get your tix here 👉🏻 www.eventbrite.com/e/blake-wexl...

Even BMWs are struggling with negative self-talk

This past week my first hour “Daddy Long Legs” hit 200K views! That’s a long line of people who watched me talk for a long time about a long list of things including those long-legged freaks. I love this special, and I think it’s really great. Watch it for free here: youtu.be/aEnGRBHbyw4?...