Earlier today there was some kind of tragedy that occurred in my yard.

I’m currently doing a local build on a rust terminal app and I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to join the community of people who are actually smart.

this is the correct chef to garlic ratio tho fr

The steel guitar bridge in a Hank Williams song gives you time to think about what you’ve gone and done

You’ve probably heard my work before. I do the three-clap solo heard throughout the seminal OutKast song, “Hey Ya”

Me, sitting down at the barber: “Give me ‘The Egg’.”

Some of the members of my 2021-2022 sock cohort are finally starting to see holes.

“Work around the body.” - Amazon

I discarded a draft and @bsky.app went down for two days, glad it’s back up. I’ll continue posting from now on…

GenAlpha, man. Kids playing basketball on the driveway pad all day since school let out. NO music playing whatsoever. In my day, there was always a boombox or half-box playing something alongside anything we were doing. Now, when there are unlimited options and Bluetooth speakers? Crickets. WTF?

Look, I’m southern as hell, but STOP IT with this sweetened pre-made potato salad. Let the fools add their own damn sugar if they want it sweet.

Unemployed and just completed the AI-102. Now I’m a step behind. This is called “chasing the dragon.”

are you a pachydermatologist

About to make a bacon, ah goddammit the lettuce froze, and tomato (BAGTLFT) sandwich.

I think the green jacket of the Masters is pretty ugly tbh.

Made my kid a birthday omelette. Happy birthday, Alex!

Another day in Atlanta, another day with missing snow. Nice high, though.

“Everybody hates us, what should we do?” “The only thing that will get people back on our side. An armed overthrow of the Pope.”

Most of these gangs don't get back stories in the movie so we can just make some up. These are the Noodle Boys, the Purple Nurps, Jimmy Mime & The Spazzamatzz, and the Turds.

Wife’s away, kids are asleep, and I just came across some cold Girl Scout Thin Mints that were stored IN THE FRIDGE. This is the best situation.

My 8-year-old daughter beat me 2 out of 3 at Uno today, and out of nowhere my soon-to-be 12-year-old son recently started being able to solve a Rubik’s Cube in about 4 or 5 minutes, so I guess I’m mostly redundant at this point.

This is a Heinz Ad

Relax, folks. He’s just getting his monthly infusion of “Weekend at Bernie’s” juice.

Is he???

The news needs to stop mincing words about what Hegseth is doing: restoring racial segregation to the US military by preventing anyone but white men from advancing

Bondi should leak the Epstein files.

Pretty crazy that the US Secretary of Defense has essentially said that using expensive military resources to entertain and delight celebrities on the “in-list” is perfectly fine.

It’s like me, but doing it by the creek with frogs and a jaw harp.

One man, messing it up for the other 8 billion

Trump's reckless decision making on Iran is causing huge swings in the markets. But like anything with Trump, ask yourself who is getting rich when he acts erratically. Trump's actions feel chaotic until you see who really comes out on top.

My 8-like banger over the weekend really took off. Damn, I’m cooking. Over a garbage fire.

Slept in my My Bloody Valentine T-Shirt and woke up with a heart on.

You know, you could just NOT share a New York Times article. It's possible not to!

hell yeah! it was epic!

No Kings Atlanta... #nokings #atl

Just realized I’ve never had the privilege of lowering the quality of the Discover feed. Huh.

Do you love me? Now that I can dance?

Thinking about a future where we can filter out usernames with > X number of emojis to keep things serious.

His signature on Dollar bills? It’s like saying “Donald Trump is why you only have this dollar.”

Look, I’m not allowed to comment on this thread. And I get it. But being able to would be so fun and so satisfying or whatever, as long as I’m not held to a standard

Who up breathing yellow-green tree sex?

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray to hear about Walter Reed

As a dad, I’m mogging cringemaxxing on the daily.

Got called into HR because of my “fish…delish, fish-fish delish” personal AI fidget toy buddy theme song.

I finally broke it to my son tonight that the reason we didn’t do much kite-flying was that I was afraid Gary Busey would pop out of the bushes and start throwing his teeth at us.

A taco is a sandwich. A banana is a hotdog.

Reporting Polymarket for self-harm on LinkedIn.

Who wore it better? #PedoPals