In fairness to the Aggies, maybe they just think Plato is Mickey Mouse's dog. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Great day to have functioning eyes and a working brain

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

ICE shot and killed a woman on camera today. We all saw the video. The Trump administration is lying.

We have to demand that Trump’s federal agents are held accountable for killing Americans just like we do when state and local . . . . fuck

Plato is more than just Mickey Mouse’s dog: open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Look, I know just do civil law, but am I crazy in thinking that you just can’t swoop into another country in violation of extradition treaties and take their citizens?

Holy Crap, the Texans got prime time on Monday night and not 3:30 on Saturday on Peacock.

So like, what if Maduro is somehow acquitted?

Thank you all for your concern, and yes, PM Tuxley II has been moved to a safe location with cell geolocation disabled. He can be marked as “safe from American kidnappers” on social media. Thank you for your inattention to this matter!

Of course the refs would screw up the end of this game.

I give it to 2 o clock for the CDC to declare thick blood a national emergency and demand a Nobel for dear leader’s discovery.

I choose art and I salute all of those who are able to create something from nothing. It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be easy.

On a personal note, I absolutely hated 2025 and I can't wait for it to disappear back into the depths of the Hell from which it emerged. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Dear ESPN, thanks for the Lane Kiffin fluff. Sure UH just scored pretty easily on LSU, but why bother with the actual game being played?

Lots of reasons to enjoy Die Hard’s seasonal popularity, and one is a nice reminder that not too long ago it was a-ok to portray most cops as bumbling doofuses and federal agents as ginormous failures. This can be ours again.

I ran into an old friend at Kroger's the other day. The only problem, that friend has been dead for several years. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

The people responsible for the Home Alone parody deserved a huge bonus from Lorne Michaels because that’s the only thing on SNL tonight that has been funny.

The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of

The comedy legacy of Carl and Rob Reiner will be felt for generations. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Is he proposing the Hunger Games?

Houston Mayor John Whitmire sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. He is fully onboard with all that is happening.

It’s easy to forget how funny Rob Reiner could be, especially after he hit it big as a director. But here’s a clip of him on Letterman promoting The Sure Thing with a very special appearance from his best friend Albert Brooks. youtu.be/S9UKlgvFnFI?...

Oh fuck, now Rob Reiner and his wife? My god what an awful weekend this has been.

These three idiots go to London, a true story of laughs and peril. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Jeff Kent is, without a doubt, the first person sent to Cooperstown who said his truck jumped him during an innocent car-washing domestic situation. And probably the last, but never say never.

I was lucky enough to witness a citizenship ceremony on Ellis Island. That was one of the most uplifting things I’ve ever experienced. I can’t believe this is how we’re treating people who truly want to be U.S. citizens.

Memories from a holiday long ago where I was sick and unable to partake in all of the fun and joy. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

I know Alabama/Auburn is the big game, but the USC/UCLA game is a beautifully gorgeous uniform matchup.

No ESPN, no. I don’t have to consider a 3-loss UT team as a playoff team. It’s bad enough Notre Dame is a shoo-in, but that doesn’t mean I have to now consider a team that lost to Florida.

Steve Sarkisian is about to do some politicking that will put Mack Brown to shame.

So the question is: Are Aggies gonna Aggie or is Sark gonna Sark?

Dear Kirk Herbstreit, please SHUT UP when the official is talking, especially when the official is calling out the penalty. You have the entire rest of the game to spout off your nonsense.

MRI machines terrify me. So of course I had to get an MRI this week. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we can all focus on the more important things, like acknowledging that Die Hard is a Christmas movie

Hey! Hey! LBJ! Have you seen this @lyndonbajohnson.bsky.social?

I'm not a Eagles fan, but damn it, did you have to blow a 21-point to the Cowboys?

God, these Fox Sports announcers working this UH/TCU game are awful.

Mayor Whitmire must be pissed off about this.

big bugs bunny getting elmer fudd to marry him vibes in the white house currently i see

Tell me you have never read Hunter S. Thompson without telling me you have never read Hunter S. Thompson.

🤔

Escape room where the thing you are trying to escape is reading about Olivia Nuzzi

Trump is going to demand that Roger Goodell cancel Monday Night Football.

Terrible day to be literate

My only takeaway from Georgia-Texas is Sark always looks like he has just been informed the FBI is downstairs.

This is a really fun story on "Half and Catch Fire," a series set in Texas computer industry in the early-80s that aired back in the 2010s. Hunt it down and watch if you can find it.

I hereby apologize to Eyes Wide Shut for thinking it was hyperbolic

These girls were misled and abused by powerful men who thought that the rules didn’t apply to them, that they could get away with anything. There should be justice. Release the files.

Wait, is that New York Jets owner Woody Johnson mentioned in this email exchange?