I just wanna drink my fish…catch my truck…drive my beer…

something i always thought was strange is how i'm the only guy who looks normal. if you don't look like me, you look weird, i'm what guys are supposed to look like. like, you can be fatter or hairier, but it's always relative to how fat or hairy i am

guys I’m super close up showing yall this website

logging onto Netflix for me is like "hey, would you like to see a true crime about murder with or without dismemberment? what about a kidnapping, does that do anything for you? you can watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective for the next 6 days, btw"

i feel the most on the cusp of transforming into a republican when fast food places get my order wrong. tonight mcdonald's took my plain double quarter pounder and added mac sauce and extra condiments on it, and i started muttering to myself about the deficit.

french software developers be like "git pousser"

cooking up a thing rn and boy let me tell you…this is a _website_ if I’ve ever seen one

yes i'm writing Terraform code, how did you guess

just found a repo with a `Gopkg.lock`

creating a database instance in GCP takes something like 10 minutes, but I can create one in seconds in a container on my laptop. I know they're doing a lot more than a container on a laptop or whatever, but surely it's not 9 minutes and 56 seconds more stuff, right?

want to read the memoirs of somebody who worked at the microwavable burger factory for 15 years

a majority of leftists i know hold their nose and vote dem and then spend the time in between elections getting shit on by libs

been navigating a bunch of feelings about getting old. i've officially been a programmer for almost 11 years, and everything has changed, so I find myself wistful for a time gone by, where I could have navigated everything with perfect hindsight.

*hopefully* he's running

bullshit that I cannot create a starter pack called "cool folks who are nice adn morally correct" and only have myself in it, i thought this was an open protocol dammit

inside me there are two wolves: wolf 1: "AI should be banned from artistic endeavors and Elon Musk should be lowered slowly into a vat of boiling oil" wolf 2: "it'd be neat if something like Neuralink actually did work and I had one and could think of ideas and then put them on an AI agent queue"

420 _and_ I'm better than all of you? I've been waiting for this day to come.

Wordle 1,694 1/6* 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 WordleBot Skill 94/99 Luck 99/99

Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.

counter space is like RAM: if I'm paying for it, I'm gonna fucking use it.

I solved the 2/06/2026 New York Times Mini Crossword in 0:13!

she just like me frfr

Just went from 263 unread emails to 12, and I need a cigarette

been trying for like 3 days to make a little zabaglione in a coffee cup and then brew a k-cup into it. First two were okay, but definitely didn't get into full custard territory. Today's endeavor was the closest I've gotten yet.

how can we suffer these people to live among us, let alone purport to rule us? they're not just our enemies. they're an affront to the human experiment. they're hostile to all life not their own. they'd burn any number of us alive to avoid even a moment of mild discomfort. hideous

Impeachment is the only Constitutional check Congress has against a lawless president and talking about it would be a good start to reasserting Congressional power in the future. Assuming of course Congress wants to do that

Solidari-delete.

I'm not saying CBS News is now a pedophile protection racket, just that it wouldn't be doing much differently if it weren't

It’d be awesome if we could come up with a way of quantifying how LLM-y a given string of text is, then evaluate all the text created pre-LLMs and determine which was the most ahead of its time

lol. lmao. www.reddit.com/r/golang/com...

For decades the Right has daydreamed about saving their country from monsters, they finally got the chance and it turns out they love the monsters. The monsters are even monstrous in the exact ways they fantasized about! You never have to listen to these guys about anything again

9-9-6: 9 chicken wings 9 beers 6 mg of xanax

humans are a kind of hydrocarbon that says it chose to burn

I’ve been avoiding getting into Throbbing Gristle because I already look like a guy who is annoying as fuck about Throbbing Gristle and I believe in this thing I made up called perceptive determinism

*guy who vowed to walk backwards into hell before ever wearing a mask during a global pandemic voice* comply or die! 😊

This is my 15th year in Austin, and potentially my last.

I don’t want to hear anything from an elected official unless it’s a plan to defund the DHS and impeach Noem, Bovino, etc. No texts. No emails. No talk about the economy. Step up or step off.

doctor who saw me said that I have "the worst ear infection I've ever seen"

my son has been watching Looney Tunes and asked me yesterday: “daddy, why does Bugs Bunny think everybody is a doctor?”

"don't call it a gestapo" then why gestapo shaped?

last night was a very busy night for the grocery store. my last count for yesterday was something like 113 escalations between like 12PM yesterday and 8PM. stop panic buying shit unless you live in Dallas.

I have an ear infection

It is 2075. I've lost my entire life savings to a holonet avatar scam that leveraged 60 years of collected chat, voice, and biometrics data to perfectly replicate the love of my life. My grandkids are asking if it's time to limit my holonet access. They're flabbergasted. They're disappointed in me

If we had a press this would be the headline story on every paper in the country but we don't so

I understand the impetus, but I urge people against using the "how much water did that cost" metric to counter the adoption of AI. None of you ever asked how much water was being consumed by YouTube or Nickelodeon Studios or your local tattoo shop.

My balls feel like someone clamped a zip tie around them, vowing to free me once I answer his riddles three and brother I haven’t gotten a one

Day 3 of vasectomy recovery and the whole house caught flu A