Night Watch by Terry Pratchett.

I am brimming with holiday spirit

The cat moved into her new home - not with me - this weekend. She appears a little stunned, and hasn't stopped purring and snuggling since she arrived. She'll be an only cat with a huge garden and a family with three teenagers to adore her. Best possible ending.

The artificer nodded. "I can build this wheeled chair, but why? You have an enchanted hover seat." "Yes," the wizard fumed, "but the palace have erected magic-cancelling wards." "Why?" "Don't know. But they didn't think of people who need mobility aids. So I need wheels to go shout at the king."

Stretched too far to scratch an itch, and my back seized up. AND I didn't reach the itch. I hate being old.

Ireland calling the UK out for being stupid enough to fall for this 'gender critical' bollocks.

When you’re putting on a dance routine with little kids (age 3-5), it’s important to make sure you’ve got the right mix of roles. First up: 4-6 enthusiastic kids that sort of paid attention in rehearsal. These make it so the audience has a vague outline of what someone imagined would happen.

People need to boycott this show and not just half ass. Shame everyone who plans on watching it. This isn't about Eurovision, it's about Israel getting away with committing genocide because THERE ARE NEVER ANY CONSEQUENCES. They should be untouchable by now. Everybody needs to walk the fucking walk.

Are You There, God? God? God, You're On Mute. You're On Mute. God, You're, OK, Yep, We Can Hear You Now God, No, I Know, You'd Think We'd All Be Used To It By Now, Haha, Okay, So, It's Me, Margaret

This Pluribus ad on a fridge caused a schizophrenic woman named Carol to be hospitalized.

Cis women need to step up and ensure that any women’s groups they attend are inclusive, if they aren’t boycott them. I refuse to access any women’s space that doesn’t include trans women. We are all women when you discriminate against one of us you make us more vulnerable as a group. We stand as 1.

If you're happy, and you know it, and you really want to blow it, if you're happy, and you know it, read the news.

Obsessed with this person who has given a popular non fiction book one star for the crime of using contractions.

One of my friends has been feeding a cat on her street that was abandoned when her owners moved. My friend would take her in, but her own cat is very territorial. I can't stop wondering whether Wimsey and Bunter could possibly be persuaded to accept a big sister.

it's Ofcom so the major social media platform they'll kick off with could easily be myspace

Boats leaving the port of Le Havre, France, ca. 1855 Gustave Le Gray

"So, like, tech support?"

My unpopular opinion is that I want the goat to survive Christmas, and be set on fire on New Year's Eve.

This year we're doing Whamutopia. Every time you hear Last Christmas you have to have a mulled wine at your earliest convenience and toast George Michael, because he was a lad

I'm so old. Went to the pub at 3pm for afternoon tea (sliders, corn dog, scone, cake pop, pie, bottle of prosecco) and home, drunk, by 7pm and about to collapse into bed with my electric blanket.

These posters for the South Korean stage production of Macbeth are the greatest thing ever? #art

“I was just following otters.”

Shout out to Bunter for developing a revolting, oozy eye on payday. If he has to empty my bank account, at least he did it on a day when there was some money in there.

Introduce yourself with five concerts you've seen - Pulp Oasis Blur Sex Pistols Oysterband

Bunter always comes creeping up, almost too shy to ask for cuddles, and two minutes later he has one paw stuck up my nose and is trying to wriggle inside my skin. Meanwhile Wimsey bounces up demanding affection, then tells me off for not providing exactly the right kind of affection and stalks off.

Happy gazpacho soup day to everyone who still cringes to death over something they did that absolutely noone but them even remembers

I've just had to buy a new phone, and I resent it. Just because my phone is 'getting worryingly hot while charging' and 'the battery only lasts a few hours'. Bah. Technology sucks.

Just discovered that my great-great-great-uncle served on HMS Victory as a boy! That's another ship joining the loose fleet I consider to be 'mine'.

Both re-reads for me - Ask A Historian by @gregjenner.bsky.social, and DLS' Nine Tailors.

It me.

of course, us forty somethings learned what felching is from david baddiel on the mary whitehouse experience. for clarity: he gave a definition, not a demonstration

My vet is vehemently opposed to woo, and a huge proponent of acupuncture. She stuck some needles in my horse, and my horse immediately dozed off with happy, floppy ears. So I left my physio stick some needles in my hip, and my pain immediately halved.

I didn't choose it. It just happened.

Is there any more glorious feeling than waking up, starting to get up for work, and then remembering it's Saturday?

I just listened to the audiobook of @jonnysims.bsky.social Thirteen Storeys again, and remembered just how good it is.

My Indian visa application needs me to list all countries visited in the past ten years. I genuinely have no idea. My Miles & More account shows me visiting Austria but I have no memory. Was I in Slovenia or Slovakia? I just saw crisp factories; I could have been anywhere.

I had the most middle class nightmare last night. I was flying business class, and people from economy kept using the business class toilets! Some of them even went through and used the first class toilets! I couldn't use the loo because the economy people were in there!

Please join me in celebrating the office thermostat being fixed. I'll be keeping one of my blankets at work, just in case, but the hot water bottle and two of the blankets will be returning home.

Share a TV series you've watched from beginning to end more than once.

My cats (and my horse) are purebred mongrels, without a single identifiable breed for at least ten generations.

The witch made him hot chocolate. "They say I'm strong," he said. "And I am." He took a sip. "They say I can overcome any hardship." "Mm," said the witch. "And I can. I do." The witch said nothing. "But I shouldn't have to!" "No." The witch held the hero as he wept. "No, you shouldn't."

It's been thirteen years since Connotations came to an end, and I still miss it.

Just walking around muttering “vacuum vacuum vacuum” today.

This mural has gone up in Kingston, ostensibly for Christmas but AI has ensured it's actually to celebrate the return of our dark lord Cthulhu

Foreigner looking on in 2024: Well that's nice, Labour will be better than the tories Labour in 2025: Hold my sw*st*KA.

57 days until my next holiday.

I haven't seen white dog 💩 on the pavement for years.

One of my actual friends was convicted of possession of CSAM. He immediately stopped being a friend. Do you have any idea how quickly I'd drop a random celeb?

We're so close to having the ultimate vehicle on our roads