Anotomically speaking, Slot and his shiny dome are the phallus, his assistants are the testicles and Isak is the rectum. Van Dyke is the gooch - when he goes missing their innards fall out. #lfc

JESUS: *turns water into wine* JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT

CHAMPIONS AGAIN OLE OLE….

Today, in honour of some gadgie called Jesus I’m going to watch wall-to-wall sport, drink beer and make nice food. Amen.

“Hi! I’m Knox Hydration”

I predict by the end of the World Cup Tuchel will be my least favourite German. Followed closely by the entire royal family.

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

AG10 hattrick tonight, probably.

Tuesday

Got to go into the office tomorrow. This travesty will be best approached mildly hungover. I don’t like offices, or people. Great chat.

I’m sure this definitely, probably won’t end up as a cataclysmic catastrophe. Spurs are the gift that keeps on giving. Selfless.

I love it when the BBC ‘impartially’ reports on itself. Again.

Scott Mills shit-canned. I liked the lad, grew up in the next town from me. Naturally, the BBC won’t give any details as that would be in the ‘public interest’. The same public that funds them. I don’t, I’m not a fool.

Skilfully finished work in good time to watch some cricket. Sometimes, my genius amazes even me. Might have a beer to celebrate.

Hahahhahahahahah

What Miilband and even this silly cunt will never say or admit is this… Any power we generate, renewable or from dirty shit goes into the SAME power market, the ‘Inter Continental Exchange’ (iCE). That affects the price, ultimately. People with money buy votes to keep doing it. Cunts.

And breathe. He needs to go out more… #nufc

In this baron football wilderness the Hindu god has delivered the IPL 🏏 . Kudos. I intend to watch every match, even when I’m in Greece. They don’t get cricket but when I’m done they’ll be all over it.

This is an example of why I’ll be single, forever. That and the fact I’m a cunt.

For clarity, I would do this.

Posh lass but this isn’t a bad cover

I’m feeling quite cantankerous tonight. That could be construed as being drunk but I prefer the term ‘superior’.

You do realise the energy generated gets traded on the same market as the rest of the dirty energy? That’s a rhetorical question. You clearly don’t.

The death of talent. Admired?! The death of culture. This is almost certainly written by a talentless, yet ‘pretty’ cunt. Or a weirdo. You be the judge.

What’s your Saturday night tune of choice? This one gets me going.

48% didn’t vote to leave. The defining majority are probably dead now. I haven’t killed anyone, my assumptions are based on an age/bigotry matrix. Cunts. People unlikely to have to deal with the outcome of their decision shouldn’t be allowed to vote - when I am King.

9 more days at work until I fuck off to Greece until early May. My pal is finishing off the final touches on his bar/pool area. Not gonna lie, I’m getting a bit excited now…

The phrase “everyone is entitled to an opinion” is very fucking wrong sometimes. It pre-dates the internet.

I haven’t cared less about a match I’ve watched for a while. I kind of like it.

Say what you want about Lee Dixon but he’s a great advert for euthanasia.

Tino starting for England. Waxa. #nufc

Friday

Obscene darts.

Bbc News just showed some NI fans in Italy holding up a flag reading "Ye Can Shove Yer Ferraris Up Yer Hole"

I am hanging out my rectum today. Early kick off Sunday derby should be illegal. That’s before I even recall the offensiveness of that result. I’ve definitely had better Mondays.

This is when we’re at our worst. All season. Enjoy!

Slap wor lass with a Christmas tree! Waxa. P.s. I do not condone domestic violence

Ref cam makes me want to commit war crimes.

Getting a bit pissed at this hour was a challenge. Sometimes my heroic nature amazes even me. #nufc

I was going to move to Sunderland but then I got a job. #nufc

It’s derby day lads and lasses. In that spirit… who’s on the plonk already?!? #nufc

I’m off to Greece for nearly a month in 2 weeks so have ordered souvlaki from my local Greek place to prepare. The Souvlaki on my private beach is hard to beat but these dudes have a decent swing.

Can I just punch myself in the face instead, please?

The 2 Robbie’s do make me wonder if I could shit in my own face.

I’ve Arne Slot vibrated he’d make proper money.

If Evri was a horse I’d shoot it and wouldn’t even be tempted to sniff the glue.

For the next 10 minutes I’m a HUGE Bournemouth fan.

Just turned on comic relief out of morbid curiosity at half time in the football. I may never get over this trauma. Televisual asbestos.