When you use apostrophe's to denote plurality, I judge you.

Kangaroo Combatants

Launched this morning and already funded! Includes Diceweaver integration, and we're having a blast implementing this one!

In these divided times we can all agree that people who prefer Pepsi are morally inferior.

visiting mother-in-law in the yay area; decided to rent a small car rather than drive the big jeep down. pick up car. it's a cherry red mustang. "only thing we have available. same price."

RE: Survivor: There is no such thing as a "bitter jury"; just "poor jury management".

i miss the days when adobe logos were interesting

The first code I ever wrote is about to turn 35 years old. I wonder how "hello.c" is doing these days.

I brought this silver prayer wheel back from kathmandu in 2000 and it tarnished to almost black over the years. wife polished it today. i forgot how gorgeous it is.

i always rush to see the robot pick up the garbage cans like a kid looking at firetrucks

doing whatever it takes to make jodie foster think you’re cool

If you’re still on X for any reason you’re a fuckin bozo.

sirius xm preference to automatically change channels when they play megadeth

Dear Amazon, Thank you for your latest recommendations based on my recent browsing history however if you recall I successfully purchased the item in question and therefore respectfully decline the offer of a further 18,000 pairs of shoe laces. Regards.

<silent-but-deadly-fart> <ask everyone if they can smell weed>

It is not possible to be both Christian and vote Republican at the same time.

went to costco while hungry now i'm eating a whole lasagne for lunch

Jodi was unfailing a pleasure to work with and we will miss her.

A True Holiday for the Culture of My People

got a reuben from karver's and my dog is trying to convince me that i bought it for her instead

beeteedubs i don't think that @jennyholzer.bsky.social is genuinely her the texts aren't in character at ALL

I was not the valedictorian of Cool University. I just graduated cum laude.

someone hid a warhammer 40k lego over our fireplace and no one will fess up

ngl "expectant widow glow" is pretty fuckin' funny

i don’t believe a single thing they say or do.

i do not understand people who can take pills without water what are you a bunch of extra drooly bitches and if so i have some stuff you can drool on if you want

nature is healing

i just can't wait until It Happens.

Arium is one of our favorites! Follow this; it's going to be awesome!

Evergreen reminder this 420: No one should be in prison for weed.

OUT: flipping people off IN: doing the “neener neener” gesture (thumb on nose, fingers splayed and wiggling)

Guess whose broker just told her how her portfolio’s loaded

i'm watching "wild things" (which i have never seen) and it is not what I expected b/c there are aren't any forests or animals in it at all

this race-bending the new musketeers thing is taking it way too far, next they'll be claiming Dumas was black or something

Exactly one year ago today:

hey i called the pope and he told me deep dish pizza is a casserole. i knew it

A.E.N.H. 1947.05.14 - 2024.04.16

[inventor of spaghettios on their death bed] they were always... (labored breathing) ...spaghetti zeros

workshopping a book series called 'the farty bois' about teens who solve the mystery of who dealt it

just found out this is watercolor and spent like a good five minutes pissed off

Y'all need to get the fuck off Substack.

who has four paws and rolled in poop

Facilitate the Death of Your God.

gonna scratch-make a bacon and jalapeno mac-and-cheese for a potluck tonight and i'm stupidly worried someone is going to be upset that it isn't vegan friendly.

Fart revenge is the best revenge.

Me: What if instead of a cat there’s a shark in the box Schrödinger: You’re missing the point but it's pretty badass

it also has this one

INBOX ZERO.