@suss2hyphens.bsky.social my four-year old calls curling ”cleaning” because of the brooms and I am not correcting him.

What the fuck. What was the point of all of this. Nothing is going to change, just slowly get worse.

I know my son is a Bills fan because when he misses, he misses wide right.

Putting an icy hot patch on my wife because she strained something twerking during the Bills game.

Watching another parent leave daycare, clutching their coffee mug like it's a life raft.

Doing one of the most terrifying things in my life thus far—attempting to schedule a playdate.

My almost four-year-old turned from looking out the window and leaned close to me to sneeze directly on my face this morning. Twice. One two times. My wife had to leave the room she was laughing so hard.

Orecchiette. Finicky to cook as sticks together easily, making for under-cooked clumps of pasta.

It took my wife and I 45 minutes to get our kid to wear pants this morning.

I really need to stop scheduling my annual exam for the day after the Bills have a frustrating loss.

Seeing the Bill Watterson originals full of pencil lines of stuff that didn’t work, scuffs the eraser didn’t pick up, white out galore and more was something I needed to see to remind myself that nothing is perfect the first go and tweaks need to be made and you’re allowed to try again.

Me: I am excited to sleep in this hotel room with no distractions, as my child is at their grandparents! Hotel Room Alarm Clock: Imma fuck your shit up at 3:05 AM.

Guess who has two thumbs and forgot to run the dishwasher last night? That's right—this guy!

Did Pints with the Lads last night (cc: @peterberkes.bsky.social) and feel a million times better. We talked about a friend's new house and job, and how much it sucks getting kicked in the nuts by your kid. Highly recommend (pints, not getting kicked in the nuts), doing it again next month.

@actioncookbook.com JetBlue flights offer a cockpit view for the ultimate in-fight entertainment experience.

Picking ice cubes out of my gin and tonic so it doesn’t get watered down before I finish it.

Death, taxes, and my wife's aunt spelling the recipient's name wrong in a happy birthday e-mail.

Spent three straight hours telling my toddler 'no.' I'm really looking forward to the phase where they're a sullen teenage who won't talk to me and just hides in their bedroom.

Staring at huge weed in the flower bed of my kid's daycare, fighting the urge to pull out.

Guess who has a new car battery courtesy of the two greatest words in automotive repair: Under. Warranty.

Whenever my son grabs a copy of Fountainhead off the bookshelf I find myself wondering if this is how I find Cato Institute white papers in his room in ten years

I've been a homeowner for over nine years, and still find myself amazed by how little 10 bags of mulch actually covers.

Waiting at a bar to meet a fellow Dad for a beer, trying to be cool that they’re running late, not thinking about how much easier it is to be anti social.

I really wish the Libby app and my library app could talk to each other so I would only have to manage one list of books I want to read/listen to.

My wife texted me that she Randy Johnson'd a bird while driving to work today.

"Adventures with Dumb Recruiters" is a fun show where sometimes recruiters will use my work email address to send job postings that they think I should apply for.

Me: I hope I'm not like the constituents in Parks & Rec during public comments when I ask for a crosswalk at this town board meeting. Neighbor: I MEASURED THE ROAD, WE CAN FIT MORE STREET PARKING IF THE CENTER LINE IS MOVED Me: Whew, yeah, glad to be a normie!

The dog stole my seat. I’m powerless to complain as she’s a very pretty girl.

If you ever want to close out your tab fast at a dive bar, bring your 3-year old in with you. They know you need to get out of there FAST.

My boss said I didn't need to come into work today because it's a holiday and he figured I'd want to celebrate it with my son. My son has daycare, and I didn't want to celebrate by sitting around watching movies at maximum volume so I'm here at work. I think the stress of parenting is getting to me

Basking in the eternal warmth of other parents being jealous my toddler doesn't even wear night time diapers anymore.

My wife keeps getting invited to neighborhood text groups but I don’t. Is this DEI!?

When I first started working as a graphic designer, I got "can you just Photoshop it!?" questions from clients and hated them. The requests that is—the clients weren't always terrible. Now I'm getting "Can't you just use AI!?" questions from clients and boy do I miss the asinine Photoshop requests

I have an email twin that is getting quotes for household repairs. The petty person in me is tempted to just approve the quotes out of spite, the Dad in me is fighting the urge to negotiate with the vendor. Surely we can get a better price on these septic repairs!

Saturday's soccer practice featured a scrimmage between the Lightning McQueens and the Lightnings, because this is what happens with 3- and 4-year olds are in charge of team names.

this is a letter to the editor from a high school track runner who came in second to a trans girl in a race. her state house rep in maine started talking about it. so she wrote this: www.pressherald.com/2025/05/14/r...

I've seen things... seen things you little people wouldn't believe. Fully operational mobile McDonald’s units at the Saudi Royal Court, bright as magnesium... I rode on the back decks of a blinker and watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments... they'll be gone.

I'm reading A Walk in the Park by Kevin Fedarko and the author recounted meeting a man wearing flip-flops and shorts with a busted zipper while drinking a beer at 9:30 in the morning and I thought it would be @clueheywood.bsky.social, but instead was ASU professor Andrew Holycross.

To make the New Pope all about me: My step-mother-in-law went to Villanova, and she does not like my sense of humor about things like "Man, imagine being the Pope's roommate!" so this is a difficult time for me.

Is anyone else getting a lot of “Hey Dumbass, don’t forget Mother’s Day!” ads right now?

Always a treat to be on a Zoom call in 2025 with people who don't understand how to use their mute button. I learned how to drive a manual transmission in a few weeks—is learning how and when to click a button on a screen that hard?

Well he can’t be secretary of offense, we know that much

Not a fan of golfing, but I am a fan of $4 Edmund Fitzgerald porters, so I’m at a bar ‘watching’ the Masters.

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I know I'm getting old because whenever it snows in April, I tell the same stories. One about a high school track meet being snowed out, and another about how it snowed on Mother's Day one year (courtesy of a coworker from a previous job). It's snowing in April, by the way.

when people say "this isn't what I voted for" they should be forced to list what they DID vote for

Doing something sad and depressing (eating from the open refrigerator) but also healthy (I ate blueberries)

I gotta hand it to him. It was smart of Trump to announce his tariffs after the Dow closed so there wasn’t a side-by-side of him talking while the market nose dives.

This was a choice. Fine won by 8 pts in the district Mike Waltz won by 30 pts just 5 months ago. That the NYT frames it as “easily won” is a leading reason we are where we are. Headlines matter. Framing matters.