Person: I really want to go on this Rollercoaster. Me: I should warn you, 9 people died on it last year and 18 the year before. Person: really!? Me: yeah, you can even use some of their corpses to mark how far along the ride is. Person: how is this still a thing people do? This is about Mt Everest.

Damien: Meeeh! Me, boiling ramen: this isn't for you. Damien: ma-Raow! Me: I'm allowed to make food without sharing it with you! Having full conversations with your cat at 1am be like.

Damien, screaming at the back door: Meeh! Me: you can't go outside, it's wet. Damien: -shows me his belly- Me: that's very cute but it's still wet. Belly for reference. His meows sound like a goat.

Let me be clear that Illinois will protect you and your care. I'll keep fighting to make sure Illinoisans and those who come to our state can receive the care they need from the providers they trust.

@nillex.bsky.social @zeitrif.bsky.social

My disabled cat’s legs look like bad AI when she tries to loaf. That mess is hers, she just finished pulling mush from the bowl and eating it directly off the table for some reason.

I love that the same people who had pictures of nooses with “hang in there Obama” on their trucks and chanted “hang Mike pence” at their insurrection are so up in arms about seashells.

My partners are so cute

🎯

Other countries are like why does America get the pope AND the antiChrist???

From cradle to career, we're investing in every child’s future, and it’s paying off. Thanks to historic investments, Illinois jumped to #4 in Pre-K to 12th Education according to US News & World Report. All part of our mission to make our state the best to raise a family in.

So many people have grown up to be the villains of our stories.

I love that the “party of accountability” always seems genuinely shocked that their actions have consequences or that they are judged for what they say and do. Like ya’ll, that’s literally what accountability means. I know most repubs are illiterate but come on.

A reminder not to store red sauce in Tupperware.

Good thing he decorated the Oval Office with all that tacky gold shit from China before the tariffs kicked in.

cappuccino enjoying snacks 💫

So stoked for #Animinneapolis this weekend! We can’t wait to see everyone there! 🥰

Well this song feels on the nose. #Nagito #Danganronpa #BritneySpears

Me: *eats a fruit and swallows its seeds* The seeds: hehe perfect Me: *poops in a toilet* The seeds: no wtf

Misogyny is terrorism & should be globally classified as such & misogynists should be classified as terrorists.

May the fourth be with you, Illinois.

As we’ve said before now confirmed. FOIA requests reveal that DOGE employees are pulling in six-figure salaries, with many holding the title of “Expert,” a specific Office of Personnel Management (OPM) designation that pays around $190,000 a year.

I don't get road rage but I sure experience whatever the airport equivalent is.

cinnamoroll and milk 💫

Trump has ordered criminal investigations into more than 50 federal employees so far, including former intelligence officials, political rivals, and even members of his own administration. He has declared some “guilty of treason,”

Odd Thomas was weirdly good

A husky husband always remembers to make his husky wife feel beautiful.

Despite promises of cuts from Trump and Elon, the U.S. spent about $220 billion more in the first 100 days than it did last year. We’re spending far more and getting far less. So where is all the money going?

you don't need chatGPT i am perfectly capable of drinking a bottle of water and lying to you

😒

The President of the United States has chosen to throw the economy into turmoil.

The Nintendo Switch version of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door changes Mario's sleep timers, which inadvertently buffs Luigi's ability to bore people to sleep. Before, listening to him was 2.6 times more boring than doing nothing; in the remake, it is 6.46 times more boring.

Remember, to throughly cook all meat products, for safety’s sake…👇 Enjoy. 😎✨

‘Birds of a feather’ RAPE children together…👇 Remember that.

Releaf

My neighbor took down their Trump flag they've had for months and replaced it with an American flag. #FAFO

I haven't stopped mocking him and his people for a decade now. It's very easy

Watching the original Digimon as a gay adult versus a ten year old with a lot of internalized misogyny means going from finding Mimi the fucking worst to "I would let her get me lost in the desert".

The end of US democracy was sending a vengeful convicted felon back to the WH instead of to jail where he belongs. Him arresting judges, empowering Gestapo ICE agents to enter any home to look for migrants and moving towards jailing journalists is just the beginning.

What would encourage you to add to the baby supply?