just saw an article asking "why do human faces and bird faces look so different" and I have to think it's partly the beak and feathers

Basic Instinct (1992) Directed by Paul Verhoeven

I feel like a lot of us in the comedy world failed the world at large when we stayed silent despite knowing all about Cosby and Louis so let me say right now that Steve Martin has eaten one banjo a year for the last 25 years

I read this and immediately thought “well that would actually be awesome because then Marty can go back to the 90s where he probably had a really awesome time as a teenager” and then I was like oh wait his PARENTS would have been teenagers in the 90s and then I just sat here for like 45 minutes

Just once I want someone to fear my coochacabra.

Business idea: open a adults only mini golf place called Putt Stuff. We run specials on birthdays and anniversaries.

Husband: “its so cold in this house.” Me: “yeah. Can you turn the fan on?” @spacemonkeyx.bsky.social : (affectionately) “fuck off” *turns on fan*

I’ve actually got three tickets to paradise, so I’m preparing myself mentally for a lot of awkward small talk on the ride up

Finally Done, check the comments for more on this piece as a whole #art #artist #fanart #bigbird #sesamestreet #pbskid

All I want is a giant bathtub with bubbles and an endless glass of wine. And maybe curling up in front of a fire after. Just…a break with small joys and plenty of quiet.

ME: shoo! shoo! go on! MONDAY: *confused hissing*

Me, watching tiktoks, headphones in. @spacemonkeyx.bsky.social, serious face: “can I say something?” Sure. “I don’t like similes.” My brain then spent the next minute lagging like dialup when mom picks up the phone.

I just realized that Sara j Maas is the millennial Danielle Steele

I’m going to need @electrolemon.bsky.social and Jordan from @sporked.com to Statler & Waldorf all future episodes of @gamechangershow.bsky.social

Hold me closer tiny Fanta!

Stormy night is a perfect time to introduce Dash to a classic

If you see this, post a photo from your device, no explanation. Cherries, motherfucker

@spacemonkeyx.bsky.social “do we need to bring the list?” Me: I don’t need a list, Aldi tells me what I need.

I’m not necessarily saying humans are too dumb to be worthy of our spot at the top of the food chain but I will say that if there were 100 gorillas and one gorilla took 55% of all the bananas the other gorillas would beat that gorilla to death with their bare hands.

Rock 'n' Roll babey!! #themuppets #electricmayhem

Can someone explain to my stupid brain that prioritizing my health doesn’t make me weak or “less-than?”

Mentally, I’m here:

Me: “I can’t wear these when I skate.” @spacemonkeyx.bsky.social “why? Some sort of regulation?” Me: “no. I can only wear them when I wocka wocka.”

Elon Musk Holds Up AI Girlfriend App So She Can See theonion.com/elon-mu...

What….the… fuck?!

Well, it’s taken almost 43 years, but I think I hate Xmas. I’m always too poor to give gifts like I want to and everywhere is overly crowded and people are grumpy.

I’m on day 11 of a migraine cycle and I just took an extra med that my neuro sent to try to break the cycle. I wonder if my regular meds see it as a guest star for the week?

weekend vibe

so the X goes over the twitter bird's lifeless eyes, right?

date: can you take off your work gloves Jim Henson: they have names

I like when flies won't leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.

Oof. Still trying to figure all this out.