“But what do you expect Democrats to doo-hooo?” 1) Refuse to fund this criminal government anymore. 2) EVERY one of them call to abolish ICE (and bonus, DHS). No more “they need training” shit. Promise prosecutions. 3) EVERY one of them call for Trump’s impeachment, relentlessly, EVERY day.

Mike Johnson has no idea how to sexually pleasure another human, and he isn't interested in finding out.

Fuck this guy

Everyone finishing the Chair Company season finale.

Delayed at the airport indefinitely and a guy nearby is asking his meta glasses a question every 2 seconds.

Just had some MRIs, no I don’t remember how many or why but I do know it went better than any other MRI in history from a standpoint of medical

Got some stuff done today.* *Watched the 2 episodes of the chair company that I was behind on. 😳 #🪑Co

Every time I watch Donald Trump speak I have to assume anyone who thinks he’s smart has a devastating brain injury of some kind.

Saw 3 pileated woodpeckers this morning so my day is off to a great start.

Trying to conceptualize the media reaction to Joe Biden throwing a party at his home in Delaware, filled with scantily clad gyrating young showgirls, while we were experiencing a government shutdown.

Happy Halloween @ityslmemes.com

Mike Johnson: Says anything What I hear:

Sometimes good things happen

Let’s be clear: what Trump is calling "unserious and ridiculous" is our proposal to prevent a 75% HIKE in health care premiums for millions and stop him from illegally withholding funds for national priorities.  He would rather shut down the government. A Mad King.

The guy who doesn't know how to pronounce acetaminophen, or that it is tylenol, is giving you medical advice based on his feelings.

RFK Jr. is objectively pro-disease, pro-illness and pro-child death.

Being this angry about everything all the time makes you feel crazy because how are you just going about your day like normal while also considering marching in the streets for Jimmy fucking Kimmel. The human brain isn’t meant for this.

A free and democratic society cannot silence comedians because the President doesn’t like what they say. This is an attack on free speech and cannot be allowed to stand. All elected officials need to speak up and push back on this undemocratic act.

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

Thousands of people marched in DC today to send the message: Our communities deserve to be safe and free from armed federal agents and troops.

This is frankly one of the worst things Donald Trump has ever posted, which is really saying something

I want another weekend where we all think maybe he's dead or at least incapacitated and suffering.

A staggering nightmare in Minnesota as the ravages of gun violence continue to destroy the lives of children across America. We pray for those killed, injured and traumatized and WE MUST ACT NOW TO STOP GUN VIOLENCE.

When the 2 best minor league alt teams are playing each other 15 minutes from your house, you go. Yes you do. If only the moon mammoths had brought their mascot.

@lauralippman.bsky.social -at my parents and spotted your book in their AARP mag.

The predictable result of RFK Jr’s dangerous extremism and a Trump Admin that attacks science, shuns the truth and traffics in conspiracy theories. Their fear mongering about vaccines is part of a broader pattern that is literally getting people killed.

Our “dumb president” bombed Iran because the vibes felt real nuclear-weapon-y? And we’re supposed to trust that? He just misspelled his own name in a social-media post! My less-than-pleased column: www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

“oh They got this all screwed up”

I could go to the national mall with a bag of almonds and attract a bigger crowd of squirrels.

House Democrats need to bring articles of impeachment against Kristi Noem, while Senate Democrats need to bring that chamber to a fucking halt.

Trump is using LA as a testing ground for tyranny, spouting dystopian babble about the ICE protests. His unhinged lies are a threat to America. My column: www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

do you have to send a picture of your tiny penis when applying to work for ICE or do they just take your word for it

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

the single best thing democrats could do to win back trust with voters — and a good number of those voters who have a low opinion of the democratic party are democrats themselves! — is adopt an aggressively partisan orientation toward republicans and loudly perform their opposition

In 2024, Biden signed into law a $105 billion measure designed to end a shortfall in air traffic controllers. In 2025, Trump came in and instead began firing hundreds of them. So you can see how *clear* it is that Biden is to blame for the shortage now.

Since I administered the WH emoluments rules, let me explain why this is forbidden Trump expressed interest in it before it was offered He is going to use & benefit from it a while in office And he's going to keep using it after he leaves! Functionally, it's a gift to him & so it's illegal

Donald Trump doesn't know American history, much less understand the American experiment. He isn't trying to make America great again, he's trying to make America into something else entirely. Gift link: wapo.st/44piphI

I was losing hundreds of dollars on food. Now I'm not buying food so I'm saving money.

For someone who claims to know more about everything than anyone else, he sure answers "I don't know" a lot.

Democrat leadership do anything other than roll over challenge

There is more evidence behind the claim "JD Vance killed the pope" than there is behind the claim that any of the people renditioned to the slave camp in El Salvador are gang members.

Personally, I think it should be front page news for at least a month if a sitting US President is using falsified evidence to try and deny due process to a man who has committed no crime, but that’s just me

I invented a new phone to help save time in the morning

Taking screenshots of shit posts and texting them to my 18yo who isn't on bluesky like a proper mother.