born to be a slut, cursed to be a romantic

honestly perfect. no notes. @tylerfromtheinternet.com

im no expert on these things but from what I’ve read if the city made the trains free and just stopped paying cops to stop fare evaders it would be a net financial positive for the city

had sex last night, but my balls weren’t really in it

I'm here you fuckaas bitch

Melpomene (Sarah Landon Rives) — Edward Steichen, 1905

another will stancil fan has the opportunity to do the funniest thing

in 2013 you could post some shit like “roflcopter is the new lmbo” and you’d get interviewed by Buzzfeed

hasn’t worked since 2017

i could never commit an act of political violence because none of my friends or family would honestly refer to me as a “normal guy”

real

“The economy is good, actually” I whisper to my 12 gauge before storming into the WHCD

It's a shame that "defend your culture" always means "hate strangers different from you" and never "enact anti-pollution laws so that you can go fishing with your grandkids the way your grandpa taught you."

i think it may be possible that people wish violence on a certain president because they see the things he does and hear the things he says, not because they got psyopped by bussycrusher420 on bluesky dot com

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, white boy

bisexuals can have a little gay sex, as a treat

i do not care if our city gets another fucking tower. pay your taxes, bitch

Spring, she has arrived

say hello to my beautiful son

The new VERY hagriographic Michael Jackson biopic starring MJ's nephew is out at the end of the month. But back in 2004 an unauthorised and EQUALLY flattering biopic was made in Canada. Here is a clip and I promise you have NO idea where it's going. I haven't done a single edit here.

i miss you Puerto Rico

The behavior of our big beautiful billionaires over the past several decades is psychologically what I can only describe as "Crying out for consequences." They can't stop themselves and deep down they need to be stopped. They need it as much as we do

what if i fucking kill you

follow me, I’m even more mentally ill than I was when I had a twitter account

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

all I’m saying is they put Britney under a conservatorship for a lot less

for the record, i don’t follow Alex Jones for his politics. i follow him because I want to have sex with him

every day i have to remind myself that even though deep down i am Evil i do not need to Act Like That

the cool thing about being incredibly Handsome but also Not Very Tall is that i get 90% of the benefits of pretty privilege but zero of the criticism for it

once again i am begging for some weird nerds to play video games with me

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

popes shouldn’t be allowed to fuck but the SHOULD be required to eat pussy

are you supposed to eat the cobb salad section by section or are you supposed to mix that bitch together

your honor in my defense bluesky was down and i was very bored

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

I will never vote for Chris-Chan.

“The Pope is weak on crime” is going to rattle around in there for a good, long time

the trump administration has imposed a naval blockade of My Ass, experts warn of global economic impacts

"for unknown reasons, my mortal enemies appear to be concerned with the core essence of humanity in a way that my allies are not. oh well, better not think about it too hard."

no fucking way lmao

golf as a sport has to have the largest "boring to watch" to "fun to learn about the Guys" ratio of any sport. cannot watch for more than a few minutes, but holy shit what a treasure trove of previously undiscovered Guys.

every day i become slightly more insane

easily one of the funniest guys america has had in decades

why am i the only one in this TSA precheck line popping my fucking pussy

Guy who voted for Geogre Bush twice writing in a place called The Liberal Gazette: As we approach 2028, Democrats should be doing unpopular things that make them look stupid

no, i dont want no shrub. a shrub is a guy that is wanted by the knights who say ni

the only thing i miss about twitter dot com is group chats. no i will not join your discord. the labyrinthian UI is too much for my feeble brain. give me a simple group chat called “toaster fuckers” and i will be content