Mental note: Incorporate "severe mental scamper" into everyday vocabulary. #Middlemarch

Found a vintage McDonald's glass from the Pig Mac Universe.

Letting billionaires safeguard the economy is like hiring Cookie Monster as a night watchman at the Keebler Elf Factory, then acting shocked when you wake up to cookie crumbs and fudge-smear elf corpses littering the ground around a smoldering tree stump.

The official US government cybersecurity agency has an AI-generated astronaut cat as their 404 page.

Food Review: Licking the brown frosting from Dr. Doom Oreos turns your tongue green. Wiping the brown poop from your butt after eating Dr. Doom Oreos turns the toilet paper green.

Came for the Toccato, stayed for the Fugue in D Minor.

All I'm saying is dunking a donut in coffee is tactilely no different from Brundlefly donuts.

Google news feed's targeted ads are scary accurate. www.pstrstudio.com/products/eni...

things have really turned around for me ever since i became isolated and weird

Finished #TheFutureOfTruth by Werner Herzog and #CleaveTheSparrow by Jonathan Katz. Just started #TheCaseAgainstReality by Donald Hoffman. The Dissociation Trilogy is nearly complete.

Light reading on a 17 hour roadtrip.

ethically sourced indian burial ground skeletons

Damn, #WernerHerzog over here personally attacking one John Miller in particular. #TheFutureOfTruth

This whole #obscurestvinyl album is quality AI slop. 😘🤌 youtu.be/EzAbbYbtpnc?...

Got the #MadMagazine Special #Halloween Edition and I feel personally attacked.

Watching #MicroWrestling in super slow-mo while listening to Barber's Adagio for Strings. It also works in fast-mo with Yakety Sax. Amazing.

Got the best bookmark for House of Leaves from @paperbackparadise.bsky.social

Go for it. I don't even care any more.

I like when the narrator says, "This is all true by the way" so I know when to google that shit. #CleaveTheSparrow www.npr.org/sections/kru...

Sorry but personally if a miniature horse woke me up from anesthesia by banging out nonsense on a miniature keyboard it would send me into a liminal space between life and death from which I would never return

Protip: #Heineken mini-keg stops spitting out tepid foam if you make a mini ice cream maker out of a stew pot, salt, ice and water.

Band comes out and sets up in front of the audience for two hours--testing microphones, adjusting lights, almost start playing several times, but stop to set up more. Finally, they yell into the mic, "THANK YOU, WE'RE OC/DC, GOODNIGHT!" then leave.

amtrak’s marketing team gets it

Trying to watch scrambled 1-bit streaming Skinamax from another world. #playdate #blippo+

"Falling into a black hole and getting spaghettified for all eternity makes *you* an Endless Pasta Bowl," I mumble at my coworkers between bites of fettuccine during my job's 20th anniversary celebratory Olive Garden lunch.

#NationalLampoonsChristmasVacation #BeyondTheBlackRainbow

Those who forget the Pabst are condemned to re-Peeb it.

I got the meat sweats in a bavarian restaurant. I got the Schnitzel Schvitz

Fuckin bridge troll called the cops on me for refusing to answer three riddles

Doing communion and jesus be like

[Werner Herzog voice] Unburdened by conscience, he is free. And yet the Hamburglar is a prisoner of his own desire

I tried googling "denim sleepwear" to find some jajamas, but the Shop Now links took a strange turn.

Me: Alexa, End my suffering. Alexa: Here's a station called End My Suffering by Parallel Beats. *Smooth beat plays, remixed with the Roblox death-oof sound effect*

If Romulus had been the one to get killed, we could have had the Reamin' Empire

a gloryhole, but someone just whispers affirmations to you from the other side

Not to pile on, but every 'c' in 'Pacific Ocean' is pronounced differently.

bitch do you HAVE to let it linger

You ain't lived till you seen Humpbakk Chunk twerk her upper back. youtu.be/WG79tHytz-4?...

Hey google play one hour of silence broken up by gnome noises reverb edition. Hey google loop mode on. Hey google volume ten.

Need RONCO to make a pet-safe version of this for my over-grooming cat's bare ass.

i'm here you fuckaas bitch

Early birthmas present for the missus. #jimebrown