No Being only Do

“what’s stopping you from-“ listen, I am so so sleepy

traditional eyeliner for funeral comma Catholic parentheses scots-irish closed parentheses comma matrilineal

Jokes are a puzzle but I can't read

A second relative has hit the cemetery

Happy Pearl Harbor to all those who celebrate

Vegan hell is south jersey

Woke grandma gendering all animals Him

hanging around an arby's parking lot with a big question mark floating above my head, telling anyone who approaches to puncture the tires of 10 cop cars and i will bestow them a powerful blade

No I swear I know what vine is babe

I'm uncut gems maxing. I'm sandler core. I have a gambling addiction

Transitioning from mental illness (crusty) to mental illness (Messiah)

The angel Moroni came back he says there's fish in the krabby patties

I preserve my youthful appearance by sleeping each night immersed in a giant jar of vinegar.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors quesadillas

"like a shirt that's got holes in it from being worn and washed for decades" *Therapist scribbles faster*

Fomenting the revolution by exposing my girlfriend to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

Boyfriend's on a work trip guess it's time for Another Cat

Winnie the Pooh but the lyrics are tofu and corn

Catcalled! On New Jersey Transit

"restore your snap streak" I do not give a fuck

Is ChatGPT Conscious? No, And If You Keep Asking We'll Hit You Again

That silhouette isn't Victorian it's 60's medieval revival. You're not even SEO maxing with that. What are you doing???

God gives his toughest asthma attacks to his strongest commute sprinters

I'm so good at convincing beautiful women to watch movies with me

No Google photos I don't want to "🍌remix" this photo of my dead grandfather. AI is a curse.

"did you forget your" no Duolingo it's 6AM

Posting at 11:11 in case she's an angel number girlie and has been hiding it for 4+months

Art is a battle against God, your body, and time

Who is this "media res" you're so into

Mom said it's my turn with the nihilism

What is the point of the four week trolley shut down if trolley's divert for a week + six months later

Letting Depop offers expire to inflict despair on others

Laying the resealable bag of almonds sideways to simulate clawing the organ meats from a fresh kill

how do you take your coffee? Jan-Oct: "black. no sugar" Oct-Dec: "look, we could all save a lot of time if the egg nog was just caffeinated"

Posting through it cause my therapist dumped me

Pomeranians are deer that are dogs

Emily The Strange merch is suddenly very hip around these parts. Evidence merits further investigation

City kids will never know the joy of dragging a washing machine into the woods

What do you people do with big furniture trash like box springs? Where I grew up we just dragged it into the woods

I'm crying because I just watched my big cat get his little sister to rescue a toy from under the bathroom sink for him and for no other reason

Leaving a warm bed on a cold day is a deadly sin like im gonna die if i do it

Depop algorithm trying to radicalize me into a loli aesthetic. Little do they know, I am a swamp creature

Would you still love me if I had a prairie dress arc?

Running up credit card debt just to feel something

Anachronistic fashion not because I'm a Christian nationalist but because I'm a Louisa May Alcott stan

If I don't get into grad school I'm gonna start a content house

Happy Catholic Radical Remembrance Day for all you Parliament simps

However much you budget to see a doctor, it's not enough

If you see me repeating my Duolingo words out loud mind your business