Charted my skeets on an x axis of post quality and a y axis of mental health you're never gonna guess the trend line

I saved you all from a post about how I'm cactus maxxing. Venmo preferred but I take cashapp

Podcaster's face reveal devastates dozens

Minnie is a nickname for mineral

Can't sleep eatin' beans wow I'm almost thirty

Horse smell would fix me rn. Don't even need the barn. Just like a hit.

Updating my girlfriend about my trash TV but refusing to specify which show or provide context

Money fairies pls turn my social capital into capital capital

Dating me means watching three hour movies in Italian multiple times a week and not for the film bro reasons

everyone has like four internet freaks they check on once a year to see if they're dead

🫪 emoji, my one true love

Kids today don't even know the pivot from Romanesque to gothic architecture was the adoption of the pointed arch 😤

Are we... Y'know... 🏳️‍🌈

Neopets are fundamentalist digimon

If you say anything about New York online people yell at you like you live there

Another cat has hit the polycule

I'm like that da vinci code freak whipping himself for sinning but the sin is being a troll online and actually I love it and it's cool

Biblically accurate gingerbread men

A 3D printer? Do you hear yourself? All printers are three dimensions.

No Being only Do

“what’s stopping you from-“ listen, I am so so sleepy

traditional eyeliner for funeral comma Catholic parentheses scots-irish closed parentheses comma matrilineal

Jokes are a puzzle but I can't read

A second relative has hit the cemetery

Happy Pearl Harbor to all those who celebrate

Vegan hell is south jersey

Woke grandma gendering all animals Him

hanging around an arby's parking lot with a big question mark floating above my head, telling anyone who approaches to puncture the tires of 10 cop cars and i will bestow them a powerful blade

No I swear I know what vine is babe

I'm uncut gems maxing. I'm sandler core. I have a gambling addiction

Transitioning from mental illness (crusty) to mental illness (Messiah)

The angel Moroni came back he says there's fish in the krabby patties

I preserve my youthful appearance by sleeping each night immersed in a giant jar of vinegar.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors quesadillas

"like a shirt that's got holes in it from being worn and washed for decades" *Therapist scribbles faster*

Fomenting the revolution by exposing my girlfriend to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

Boyfriend's on a work trip guess it's time for Another Cat

Winnie the Pooh but the lyrics are tofu and corn

Catcalled! On New Jersey Transit

"restore your snap streak" I do not give a fuck

Is ChatGPT Conscious? No, And If You Keep Asking We'll Hit You Again

That silhouette isn't Victorian it's 60's medieval revival. You're not even SEO maxing with that. What are you doing???

God gives his toughest asthma attacks to his strongest commute sprinters

I'm so good at convincing beautiful women to watch movies with me

No Google photos I don't want to "🍌remix" this photo of my dead grandfather. AI is a curse.

"did you forget your" no Duolingo it's 6AM

Posting at 11:11 in case she's an angel number girlie and has been hiding it for 4+months

Art is a battle against God, your body, and time

Who is this "media res" you're so into

Mom said it's my turn with the nihilism