Someone was abducted at 10 AM by ICE on Central Ave. Their coworker says they’ve lived here for over 20 years, are documented, and have 3 kids who were born here. Don’t be fooled by headlines when they’ve been lying to us the whole time. We still need you out patrolling until every agent is gone.

Republicans: Clinton, Obama, and Biden did all the same things you hate Trump for doing - where was your outrage then??? Me: If Clinton, Obama, and Biden were doing the same things Trump is doing, how come y'all hate them so much? Republicans: 😐

Republicans under Clinton, Obama, and Biden: THERE'S A BORDER CRISIS - WE'RE UNDER SIEGE 😭😭😭 Republicans under Trump: Well actually, Clinton, Obama, and Biden deported more than Trump ever did. I am very smart and you should take me seriously.

Gen Xers will be like "Everything I know about politics I learned from Rage Against the Machine," and every Rage song is like - Guitar: (Wah-wah widdly noises) Sideshow Bob: "DID YOU KNOW THE GOVERNMENT IS BAD? *I DID!* FFFFFFFFUCK!"

Tonight you will be visited by three spirits 😎✌️🌟❤️🎶🌈🥦☮️

I am convinced that I ran over a gypsy in a past life and my curse is that I am forever behind someone older than 50 in the checkout line who somehow still has not figured out how money works.

Nancy Mace sounds like a Nancy Grace drag persona.

Springsteen voice: WELL A BRONY TRIED TO BLOW UP THE RNC LAST NIGHT

Netflix: "We're so sorry that we cancelled your favorite show that you pay $20 a month to watch - it's just so expensive to make 😢" Also Netflix: "We're buying Warner Bros. for $83 billion."

My favorite part of the X-Files opening sequence is when they ran out of spooky shit to throw in, so they added a random shot of a Radio Shack plasma light instead.

In related news, Secretary Whiskey Pete has un-cancelled his tattoo coverup appointment.

Well THAT’S pretty revealing. Texas, my ass. Russian paid troll all the way.

I think we have enough shows revolving around Tim Robinson acting socially awkward and yelling. We're good now.

Real talk: "Sunshine Of Your Love" objectively sucks - no one wants to hear Jack Bruce singing about his "seeds" drying up 🤮

Next time somebody asks me what Bluesky is like, I'll send them this

I hope they shot him with a bullet and he died

It's weird how Tylenol caused autism (first diagnosed in 1943) before it was even invented (1955). What a clever drug.

So what kind of candy do y'all think George W. Bush is bringing to Charlie Kirk's funeral?

We live in a world where gun massacres are easy, plentiful, and inevitable. We live in that world against our will because of Charlie Kirk and people like him, who demand it as a core tenet of their personal freedom. Don't take my word for it, though. For proof we can go directly to Charlie Kirk.

Feel like I’m going insane with the revisionist history that Charlie Kirk fostered open debate. He chilled speech and his targeting of professors for wrongthink led to threats, harassment, and being forced out of their jobs. His legacy is chilling speech right now, about him

the etsy witch project

Community note on X

"Your memory shouldn't be your name on a wall somewhere. That's not you. You are the person in that photo album. You're the smiling person living your life. That's how you want people to remember you." - Tom Canavan, 9/11 Survivor.

How funny would it be if a Swiftie did it?

Our children are not your sacrificial lambs. #LaterBozo

The irony behind the head of the Tortured Poets Department marrying a guy who can't read cannot be understated.

Those Reform nutjobs reminded me: "Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, grabbing an Indian curry or Turkish kebab takeaway, then going home to sit on Swedish furniture & watch American shows on a Japanese TV, while being suspicious of anything foreign."

When we get the inevitable legacy sequel to The Conjuring, it should be about someone uncovering what grifting pieces of shit the Warrens were.

Mfw we get Anthology 4 before we get Carnival of Light

Our "very smart president" who totally doesn't shit himself so often that he needs diapers is currently bitching online about why we don't have museums about the future in America, which is totally a thing that exists.

People in true crime documentaries love saying "Police can get ANYONE to make a false murder confession," but the only people you ever see making false murder confessions are dudes who look like they eat cigarettes and steal hubcaps so they can afford Dokken tickets.

Omg these people are so fucking stupid - not every goddamn murder is a fucking "Satanic ritual" 🙄 #yogurtshopmurders

Watching Yogurt Shop Murders and once I saw the police station I knew they weren't solving anything

And often their IDs are destroyed! So much for getting a job or home.

I swear, this app is filled with the most joyless fucking dorks - FNAF was the most fun I've ever had at the movies, hands down.

For-profit medical care does not work. Period.

One of the final distress calls sent by Titanic's wireless operators, April 1912.

Hey, as a librarian I need to tell you: Our funding depends on usage. So go ahead and check out that book even if you don't think you'll finish it. No one will know. Check out that DVD even though you might not like it. Get ambitious in your quest for knowledge.

NJ Friday night

I think it's time to retire the autistic supercop TV trope, don't you?

Gonna open a vegan cafe called Say You Love Seitan

"No matter where I lived, I knew this was guaranteed because after moving into a new place, we’d plug in our old box television, adjust the shitty little antenna just so, and voila, like magic, there was PBS. It was free."

It's really weird to demand accountability from a NYC mayoral candidate for a deadly NYC shooting rather than the current NYC mayor, an ex-cop who campaigned on a "tough on crime" platform and promptly got indicted for crimes

"We came in peace for all mankind..." #Apollo11

This is where I post from

Alright, I think we can all stop dressing up as Jojo Siwa for reels now - it's getting a little weird.

When you’re definitely not guilty.

Shane Gillis looks like Tom Hanks if he actually was the pedophile MAGA accuses him of being.

Sorry - I'm not watching a show about a dude named "Carmy"