WAIT? So the autistic Barbie is the only one that *doesn't* walk on her toes? #AutisticBarbie

I wrote about my weakness for utensils,(substack.com/home/post/p-...) but this document feels fetishistic

Elder kid is at home and we are watching festive fave John Carpenter’s The Thing. Altogether now:🎶 “oh the weather outside is frightful…”🎶

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

My friend’s 45 year old husband went out for “one drink” at his work do and when she got up at 8.30am he was still “out”, drinking with a couple of mates in the kitchen. Fine! But it was the morning of the school fair. Which stall had she signed him up to help at? And why was it the WORST ONE?

To be British is to have 9 coats and 35 pyjamas

They should give Scotland's best sandwich the Noble Piece prize

Festive guide to my level of drunkenness (a thread) Seven is my absolute favourite 1. I have a glass in my hand

My brother in my DMs like he’s clumsy exposition

Snuggles was actually the name of the doctor, not his horrifying creation.

My husband calls his morning session of NYT puzzles on the loo "doing a Turdle"

My mum wants to find out about “your sleeping app”. Do I tell her it’s Quinn?

No, Snapchat I do not want to try this lens. I just want to stalk my teenage kid, when will you get the message?

I don't use the word lightly, but this is really just evil isn't it. "Your identity makes us uncomfortable so be gone from public spaces." Fuck off.

Currently circling productivity like water round a slow draining plug hole

As a TV licence payer I would like to give the BBC my permission to say fuck off to Trump.

Someone in the group chat has a birthday and EVERY ONE of the birthday greetings has been deleted by the admin and I have never admired or loved a person more

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”

In romantic fiction, the woman loves the man "because i can be myself" and the man loves the woman "because she makes me want to be a better person" What's going on there?

Yeah, J Geils Band your blood ran cold when your angel was a centrefold, but my baby son has a moustache at 18 and my veins just froze over

keeping an eye out for which british comics *aren’t* posting their snl rejection letters on their instagram stories

This week I'm tackling why creative women need to be allowed to fail. Women composers have been judged as women first and artists second for too long. It hampers creativity, and does nobody any credit to make gender such an important part of listening. leahbroad.substack.com/p/why-creati...

Listening to the Riot Women official soundtrack this morning and absolutely WHIPPING through the housework, ironically enough #RiotWomen

Telling teenage boy trick or treaters to take 6 or 7 sweets and watching them lose their minds

Asylum seekers, housed in hotels in Manchester, are reaching out in their own words to address the concerns of the local community. Please take a minute to read their letter, & share it with the people in your life who need to hear the truth about the people they are protesting.

… and also, he says when he turns the boiler on not all the radiators work… he says he’s bled them

I quoted the video he posted - like many others did - and he bothered to like it, and that feels like good social-mediaering to me

Is this guy a … spider??

This is also my country

This is my country

The perfect wfh set up doesn’t exi-

I also used to know all my regular numbers for work: at one point this would be every regional electricity company in the country

My mum and dad’s Their old house they moved out of in 1991 My place in Streatham I moved out of in 2000 My ex boyfriend’s parents’ place (broke up 1997) Swap Shop/live and kicking My husband’s mobile (current) My best friend from when I was 18 ‘s mum’s old house

Sorry I'm late there was Tamsin Greig in a sleeveless shirt on my TV #riotwomen

Taylor Swift’s album isn’t fun because even your best friend isn’t interested in hearing about how happy you are and how regularly you are getting dicked down. I mean, happy for you, babe, but come back when there’s some drama iykwim

There are times when, as a parent of a neurodivergent child who refuses to wear a jumper or waterproofs - despite it being freezing cold and raining - one wishes there was a QR code explainer one could gently present to the parents of compliant, neurotypical children.

A feral cat’s shrew appears to have “gone all boring” until I look away, whereupon it apparently leaps like a flea into the next door garden

Mafioso: you’ll be swimming with the fishes! Me (snorkelling off Greece): ooh yes please, my favourite!

True story: I woke up the other day and my camper van was all in French. All the display: French. The speedo was in kph and when I pressed the horn it went hon-hon-hon

Right, time to face the consequences of my hyperfocus!

I have this weird memory that astronaut Helen Sharman briefly taught English at my school but that can’t be right can it?

This week I did the bravest thing I have ever done and for the first time ever did the glass/cardboard trick to get rid of a substantial spider,

I imagine they marched to The Shard (owned by Qataris) and what was formerly the Olympic Village (owned by Qataris) or to Kensington Palace Gardens (preferred real estate for Russian Oligarchs) and asked them for those bits of the country back too

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

How can I be a grown up when I haven’t selected my top 3 biomes???

Any demand avoidant ND people find bedtime difficult because the bed is telling you to go to sleep and suddenly that’s a demand? #pda #ND

Our line-up for The Leadmill Comedy Club at The Steamworks is all set! @michaellegge.bsky.social @louiseleighcomedy.bsky.social Jack Gleadow Oliver Bowler Not forgetting, El Chappo, who will be serving up some delectable Mexican cuisine! Tickets are available from: leadmill.co.uk/event/leadmi...