You might not think you’ve inherited any Christmas traditions from your parents and then you look at all your festive photos and there isn’t a single one that doesn’t feature *someone* looking like a hostage.

I only eat Quality Streets because, like a half-witted gambler with no pension, I keep expecting the next one to be less crap.

Funny how folks are happy to gloss over racism if the perpetrator was alluring and kind to animals.

My daughter says this creature is called Platonic.

When ordering at restaurants over the festive period I shall be referring to my husband and primary school-age children as “my associates”.

It feels like we’re in some weird sci-fi advent calendar, where every few hours an alleged abuser or sex offender comes tantalisingly closer to being held accountable.

Craftsmanship passed down from generation to generation

My son just got Peter Griffin mixed up with Peter Pan, causing a dramatic shift in the shape of the universe.

“And to you your wassail too” translates directly as “I know you are but what am I?”

Twister is just yoga with open laughter when someone farts.

North Berwick in December

Photographer: “OK, let’s try one where you look super-proud.”

🎤Christmas time / dysentery and crime 🔔

Why I think we should ditch office Secret Santas. Gaaah, all that waste. metro.co.uk/2025/12/11/c...

Why I think we should ditch office Secret Santas. Gaaah, all that waste. metro.co.uk/2025/12/11/c...

Citizen Kane for the 2020s: the frantic printing press montages are replaced by depictions of head-spinning online news stories that make you feel like you’re a marble trapped in a pinball machine, leading you on to untrustworthy non-native, paid-for content. R05ebud is a password.

Will Arnett was on Conan and told a story about how Conan dealt with the death of his parents by accusing Jason Bateman of killing them. It’s so funny.

Vying for a coveted spot on the top five list of most irrationally infuriating sounds: the noise of men slapping their arms on the water while swimming front crawl in an indoor pool.

Want some positive news amid the horror? When Argonaut Books, an independent store in Leith, Edinburgh, found out Waterstones planned to open a branch next door to them, they took action. The community rallied, newspapers took up the cause, and now the chain has backed down. Communicate. Persevere.

Just because you are unable to imagine how someone else’s mind works does not mean that person’s mind does not work like that

then, the transphobes , feeling victorious at how many people they have made unhappy and despairing in the previous week, move on to anything else that has a spectrum and the possibility of more colours than they can conceive - such hateful people - they cannot understand anything that is not THEM

Thanks to Anna Burns, these things now feel vaguely threatening.

Give a man a rod, and you spare him for a day; teach a man to rod, and you spoil him for a lifetime

Christmas

It’s terrible how, in night scenes in movies, you hear an owl call and nobody on screen goes: “Ooh! Owl!”

The first thing our new neighbours did after moving in was remove the pampas grass. There are several reasons to be grateful for this.

Fancy being in a play with Wagner Moura in Edinburgh next August? www.eif.co.uk/events/a-trial

Stop making me feel sorry for robots.

I love the way this psychologist explains neurodivergent sensory sensitivities in a way that even Richard Tice might understand. www.instagram.com/reel/DR0lEes...

But at least the Women’s Institute will be safe now!!!!!!!!!

Gosh but it’s a beautiful day in North Berwick.

The multilayered arrogance of those colonial naturalists is nuts. “Nope. Nooooo, not a single human has ever seen this creature before. I shall name it after myself.”

Imagine discovering your therapist used ChatGPT to write their blurb.

Cinderella (NOT a panto!) at @lyceumedinburgh.bsky.social is a completely charming family show. It’s got a genuinely funny and fresh take on the ugly sisters, great performances - particularly from the always outstanding Nicole Cooper - and some groovy choreography. Just lovely. lyceum.org.uk

Uh-oh, what’s Derren Brown playing at now?

A man on the train just answered his phone saying: “Speak.” And there was me thinking I’d grown out of wishing strangers ill.

This is the best bit of advice I’ve seen on the internet 😂

Deleted that Inside No 9 post cos the tickets are now claimed. Thanks to those who shared.

News: Peter Capaldi's just announced his first ever music tour - 24 Feb - 8 March next year. myticket.co.uk/artists/peter-capaldi

Scots getting excited about the harbour location on ep 6 of Down Cemetery Road might be sad to learn it was filmed in Cornwall.

Can people PLEASE use terms other than "real" parent when discussing adoption around children. Think about how this sounds to adopted kids, many of whom have experienced trauma, loss, neglect, rejection and worse. "Birth/biological" parent is more sensitive, or "tummy mummy" if they're very young.

My mum was exhibiting some of her work recently (stuff like this) and a woman dressed like Barbara Cartland told her she’d sell more if she bedazzled them with glittery gold paint.

Please tell me your worst Secret Santa experiences. I’m writing a piece on why it’s (largely) stupid and wasteful.

Please tell me your worst Secret Santa experiences. I’m writing a piece on why it’s (largely) stupid and wasteful.

New Scottish Widows ad’s a bit goth.

Lots of hungry/sleepy grey seal pups in St Abbs* today. *Yes, the patron saint of sit-ups

Heavenly object

How did calling someone a weasel become an insult? Have you *seen* those guys? And come on, who among us hasn’t stolen an egg?

New Scottish Widows ad’s a bit goth.