Don’t mind me, just sifting the soil for runes and consulting village elders to understand local customs in lieu of an actual bus timetable for small East Lothian towns.

Imagine if you fell in love with someone then found out they regularly take the time to write “Who?” under newspaper interviews (the places that tell you “who”).

I had a chat with the gently poetic Roddy Woomble about Idlewild’s tenth album, which is out next month. www.thetimes.com/article/0f8f...

I now have a stethoscope to find the source of Philippe’s purr. A vibe check, if you will.

I had a chat with the gently poetic Roddy Woomble about Idlewild’s tenth album, which is out next month. www.thetimes.com/article/0f8f...

This is Zique, a 16-year-old Harris’s hawk. So handsome.

Look at those pupils 😍

Nobody likes a show-off but I can’t keep it to myself: today I saw a pigeon put a piece of ham on another pigeon’s back.

Saw this washed up on the banks of the Clyde in case anyone was wondering what that time-travelling ghost ship was carrying.

Look at all those treats in today’s Alba (in The Times Scotland).

It would’ve been my late dad’s birthday today. I often think of him if I eat breakfast after 9am, which he’d impatiently refer to as “brunch”.

Gloriously incorrect photo to go with a ballet review.

Here’s Deacon Blue’s Ricky Ross on Arbroath fish suppers, his love for the Isle of Harris, and his Seinfeld habit. Small Acts of Love, the play for which he created the music, is at the newly reopened Citizens Theatre in Glasgow now. In print in Times Scotland 20/9. www.thetimes.com/article/61c3...

Welcome to mid-September. If you have not yet been assigned your suicidal young snail that’s been programmed to be sickeningly crunched underfoot while you’re looking elsewhere, please be patient. Thousands more are coming your way.

The pricing dynamics for Comic Con Scotland are fascinating. Hayden Christensen way higher than Rosario Dawson and Jason Isaacs. Will Mellor on a par with Baywatch’s Erica Eleniak, Ricky Tomlinson and the guy who did those noises in Police Academy. www.comicconventionscotland.co.uk/guests

North Berwick

We’ve got a lush National Trust for Scotland takeover in Alba (in the Times Scotland) today. Lots of wholesome and inspiring ideas and features.

My son wears a lot of Minecraft clothes, so it’s always easy to strike up conversations with other, similarly obsessed, kids. I might start wearing Northern Exposure t-shirts, because you know you’d have good chats with other fans.

Criminal psychologists with impulsive thoughts should be discouraged from moonlighting in perfume branding.

*Finally*, a dance class you don’t need a sports bra for.

See the queen bee at the bottom there, with a yellow dot on her and surrounded by dudes.

What a treat it was talking to Eric Idle. My late dad would’ve been thrilled. He’s on tour 10-27 September, with two dates in Scotland. — Eric Idle: George Harrison cheered me up by telling me I was going to die www.thetimes.com/article/be2c...

Beautiful magpie tail feathers

Always a pleasure talking to Mark Steel, who’s doing well and is back on tour, and has a few more episodes of In Town coming soon on Radio 4. This is in today’s Metro.

That daft Jason Byrne’s off on tour. It’s a real fun one, the latest show - packed with stunts and audience participation. Chat in today’s Metro. www.jasonbyrne.ie

Something the colour of putty that comes in a metal paint tube and sounds like a grouting product has no right to be so irresistible.

Who called it elocution lessons and not vowel renewal?

What a treat it was talking to Eric Idle. My late dad would’ve been thrilled. He’s on tour 10-27 September, with two dates in Scotland. — Eric Idle: George Harrison cheered me up by telling me I was going to die www.thetimes.com/article/be2c...

Interesting stuff on today’s The Rest Is Entertainment about the Riyadh Comedy Festival, where Jimmy Carr is doing a joint show with Louis CK. open.spotify.com/episode/63Jm...

Look, I’m not telling you how to live your life, but you should know you can hire The Drakes of Hazard, a sheepdog and duck display team, for events. You can even have a go at working the sheepdog yourself. www.drakesofhazard.co.uk

Excellent lab/seal hybrid at Yellowcraigs yesterday

Sniffing tentatively, then inhaling deeply, Stanley Tucci nods with recognition. Yes, he whispers. This is it. *This* is the place.

"The world is burning. Fascism is rising. Countries are falling. And we’re on the brink of incredible technological change, which will either be the end of everything or a new beginning. So, who needs artists?" I've written about what it takes to make art & live bravely. tinyurl.com/bdfjszbu

Given how harmful unwanted noise is to our health, I wonder to what extent the effect is multiplied for neurodivergent people with sensory processing issues. Could your eating and talking style actually be making folks ill?! www.bbc.com/news/article...

I regret to inform you that yarnbombing has gone corporate.

My GP’s hold music is like something you’d hear if Temu ran euthanasia clinics.

NEWS: Wet Leg are headlining Edinburgh’s Hogmanay Concert in the Gardens this year.

If you can be in London in November you HAVE to get tickets for Figures in Extinction, a collaboration between Complicité and Nederlands Dans Theatre. It’s one of the most extraordinary pieces of work I’ve ever seen. www.sadlerswells.com/whats-on/ned...

Noisy tawny owls outside tonight!

“Ai” is Portuguese for “ouch”. Makes you think, huh?

Did you know you can book a tour of the newly refurbished Citizens’ Theatre in Glasgow as part of next month’s Doors Open Day? 19-21 September. www.doorsopendays.org.uk/regions/glas...

At SWG3 tonight Matt Berninger said that on his first visit to Glasgow he was kicked out of Nice’n’Sleazy and went back to his hostel to find his bunk bed covered in someone else’s wet underwear.

From a local Facebook post about encountering an impromptu nudist beach

Just learned that "stovies" and "étouffée" have the same etymological root, and man, that is some real The Road Not Taken business

I’d rather like a karaoke session in which we all sing Simon & Garfunkel songs with sincerity.

Sam Nicoresti wins best show in the Edinburgh Comedy Awards ❤️❤️❤️

At a show last night I was squeezing past some people to get to my sea, and one man’s method of making room was to put his knees on his chair with his bottom coquettishly out at me. Good for him or whatever.

If you’ve ever wondered how the Edinburgh Comedy Awards are chosen, I’ve written about the process here. It’ll be in print in tomorrow’s Scotsman, I think. www.scotsman.com/arts-and-cul...

I was assaulted by a cat on my way home tonight. He did one of those funny moves that’s like they’re trying to do a really fast, hard hug with both arms. Didn’t hurt, sucker. Better luck next time.