[sexting] nm just in bed giving myself a joejob

Im gonna feckin coom

He’s just like us

70% of being a parent is nurturing a healthy grudge against one specific three-year-old

You and me both lady

giuliani? rudy giuliani? from borat 2?

Drinking hot vanilla like a god damn crackbrain

Well, on the woke side we’ve got Bill Kristol, George Conway, and the NRA. They’ve beaten the likes of Chuck Schumer time and time again… we can only pray they have one more job left in them

no more monk e-business

wow thank you sir

I feel like I am going insane I am reading about babies being fed formula mixed with dirty water because theres nothing else and fed food with bugs and denied medical care and locked in a cage and I dont give a fuck about your political strategies!!! What if that was your child!!!

I was just saying to Portia that it is a 4th amendment violation. It's driving me nuts that no one is really talking about how unconstitutional it is to be bashing through people's cars and pulling them out through the window

70% of being a parent is nurturing a healthy grudge against one specific three-year-old

My child told me to tell all of you that Mary had a little llama she had some pizza

Well, on the woke side we’ve got Bill Kristol, George Conway, and the NRA. They’ve beaten the likes of Chuck Schumer time and time again… we can only pray they have one more job left in them

Anyone saying "abolish or defund aren't within grasp in 2026" should hit the airport, get on a plane, fly to TX, drive to the Dilley ICE Detention Center, visit Liam and his father, and speak those exact words to them while maintaining eye contact. They're within grasp--just maybe not your grasp.

GAME CHANGER: Giuliani breaks with President over abduction of young boy by federal immigration agents

GAME CHANGER: Giuliani breaks with President over abduction of young boy by federal immigration agents

well the time has come and I am now ready to begin Dry January, wish me luck

Daughter (3) said “look at me daddy I’m a cow dino driving a car” and then she ran around the room going “VROOM VROOM MOO ROAR” which was a better joke than I’ve seen from any of you chuckleheads today

if yuo follow me for one good poste that sounds like a you problem. im the posteS

He’s like Bizarro Pete Rose

URGENT: Things are bad. We won’t sugarcoat it. But experts agree they’d be less bad under the usual amount of racism than under the disastrous too much racism we’re stuck with right now. Dems in battleground states need your help NOW. Donate $48

The only other verified instance of the Def Leppard one-armed drummer situation was when Christine McVie sang Little Lies a full year after she blew up on the Challenger

I’m only friends with friendless people

[gay fred flintstone] WILMA I’M GAY

You sound like a ass

Have one dessert for breakfast, another for lunch, and then a sensible dessert

[me talking to Hwat] I’ll tell you, Hwat

Daughter (3) said “look at me daddy I’m a cow dino driving a car” and then she ran around the room going “VROOM VROOM MOO ROAR” which was a better joke than I’ve seen from any of you chuckleheads today

[me talking to Hwat] I’ll tell you, Hwat

URGENT: Things are bad. We won’t sugarcoat it. But experts agree they’d be less bad under the usual amount of racism than under the disastrous too much racism we’re stuck with right now. Dems in battleground states need your help NOW. Donate $48

Guys is it too late to just go back to the original amount of racism

me building an ikea couch

Guys is it too late to just go back to the original amount of racism

Just be aware that it is clear the ruling class and the media is hoping this public wind-down lets them keep getting away with everything so people do not organize and crush their oppressors.

“We have all independently come to the same moral conclusion,” says every member of the party that brought you ICE and is now throwing Noem and specifically only Noem under the bus

so unfair that i wasn't born a beloved house cat to a wealthy family

I’m not trying to be inflammatory here, but given the history of capital punishment in the United States, is “execute Jonathan Ross” not the moderate position?

[chuck schumer, walking into my kitchen just as I’m finished braising my beef bourguignon, the nearly complete sauce already finding gloss and cohesion] LETS CHOP SOME MUTHERFUCKIN ONIONS

I am once again reminding you that instead of talking shit about Ms Rachel, simply talk shit about Blippi instead. nobody will argue with you

We assume that someone will infiltrate the whistle chat and I truly hope they enjoy waking up to 1500-3000 messages from nerds discussing bridging, fine-tuning flow rate to print whistles faster, and posting pictures of their filament storage and/or cats every 7-12 hours.

I’m not trying to be inflammatory here, but given the history of capital punishment in the United States, is “execute Jonathan Ross” not the moderate position?

Me when I find out my wife has been sleeping with Great Bob

me when i learn a cool new french word

Something jarring about seeing peanut butter and chocolate in the same candy bar.

Me when I thought I backed up my account, and I deleted the app for more storage to download an app, and I lost all the chats

[chuck schumer one week after we all agree to feed ICE to the volcano] ABOLISH ICE