Have you ever seen John Turturro, Fred Armisen, and Tony Shalhoub in the same room?

eating my men’s 40+ organic gummy vitamins like a good little baby boy, goo goo ga ga

I was gonna type a post but I’m in a hurry and it wasn’t very good anyway so can you help me out and just like and repost this to reward me for not posting it?

Last night I was imagining what it would be like if I was playing an online rpg with a teenage Vladimir Putin who was working on his English and also really wanted my grandmother’s corned beef hash recipe but was trying to be sneaky about changing the subject to it

Joe’s Famous Recipe 1. Chop vegetable 2. Heat fat on metal 3. Sprinkle rock and leaf on meat, add to metal 4. Add vegetable to metal 5. Meanwhile, add grain to box 6. “Sauce Time” 7. Serve on dish to wife

Bus driver/Jason Voorhees Treehouse of Horror mashup called Mask of a Cunty Otto

The Vegas Golden Knights logo should be a chess knight and their slogan should be ‘this is horse hockey’,

My country is FUNCTIONAL. We have our SHIT TOGETHER. We get AWARDS from our GOVERNMENT for STANDING UP to our GOVERNMENT

i finished the amontillado! hello! need more amontillado down here!

when you’re in a heated argument via text a real power move is to like all your own messages right after you send them

383 Stroker–Powered 1967 Chevrolet El Camino

You have a DEMOCRACY. You get to vote for PRESIDENT. The person with the most votes ISN’T ALWAYS PRESIDENT. Your CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT is the SPIDER CRAB THING from SPACE INVADERS. You learn that the ELECTORAL COLLEGE is GOOD from STATE MEDIA. SIX UNELECTED CHODES say who gets to VOTE. This is GOOD

First time I ever play and I get Charlotte ‘10s on my first spin. Malarkey

tomorrow my kid’s preschool will be exposed to live birds of prey, follow for live updates

The true meaning of America is punching a cop and driving off on this

the monk told me to empty my mind. unfortunately this created enough space for a second, worse monk

Good news everyone, Barney Frank woke up this morning and saw the Emperor of Shadows. Six more weeks of Pride

My four-year-old’s musical tastes are currently Ratt, Outkast, and Eric Carmen. If it’s not one of those three she does NOT fucks with it

Offline wife sent me this completely earnest text this morning and I think she ought to start posting

squirter, she wrote

I don’t know who any of you people are

Man

Bab Borker

oh no the ring fell in

Cuticle kinda hurts, gonna pick at it until it really fuckin hurts

Some of you assholes should learn how to hit the share button

I;m thinking about thos Beans

They don’t make em like they used to anymore

Offline wife sent me this completely earnest text this morning and I think she ought to start posting

My kid did surgery on a grape

You basically can't engage in study of the medieval world without getting a heaping spoonful of semiotics. Pre-Literate worlds are full of symbols everywhere representing things that might sometimes be obscure to those outside the understanding, but are clear to those who grasp within the circle.

oh no the ring fell in

i asked my palm reader if i would ever be happy and she said “define ever” so i knocked over her little incense thing

Had a 2013 Lexus LX570 back when cars were cars.. she ran smooth, never asked for nothing but gas and a little respect. Kids today wouldnt get it. Minimal chrome trim, sirius xm bumping pitbull, wind in my hair. Sold her like a fool

Pro wrestling is for the children #MysteryWrestling25andahalf Watch the full show on mysterywrestling.com! #MysteryWrestling 🤼‍♂️

family values is when dad has to sleep in a display shed at lowes

"It's not genocide until it's over" is the prevailing idiocy every minority must hear as their backs are pushed to the wall

this is my girlfriend. stop making fun of her

Large majority of women in Canada have a negative opinion of Pierre Poilievre

reject hustle culture embrace brussel culture

“I’m a pretty chill guy” usually means “four different women have a group chat about my bullshit”

If AI were publicly owned, and trained based on principles of consent and fair compensation, and were powered sustainably, how would you feel about it then? Is your problem with AI or is it with capitalism?

You have a DEMOCRACY. You get to vote for PRESIDENT. The person with the most votes ISN’T ALWAYS PRESIDENT. Your CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT is the SPIDER CRAB THING from SPACE INVADERS. You learn that the ELECTORAL COLLEGE is GOOD from STATE MEDIA. SIX UNELECTED CHODES say who gets to VOTE. This is GOOD

T rex would’ve tasted like turkey. Velociraptor would’ve tasted like chicken. Your Mom tasted like fish and that’s why Uncle Terry moved his dojo out of town and stopped coming over.

cannèd of dry

Moi je pense que ça irait mieux si toute l’organisation du CH avait pas les jambes mortes sur la glace