As I split a single bean in three pieces to feed my family, at least I’ll take comfort in knowing that we have the Best Oval Office ever in terms of success and look.

Being able to repeatedly call Benicio del Toro “sensei” is privilege that I now covet.

One Battle After Another is terrific, very funny, and painfully relevant, and also Sean Penn looks like a human catcher’s mitt in it

One Battle After Another and Sinners both lay out a formula for cinema success: diverse movies where white nationalists get duffed in the most graphic way possible shot and presented in increasingly baroque high resolution formats.

you guys don't mock the president. my own grandfather was murdered when an escalator stopped, launching him 700 feet through a hotel lobby and into the open mouth of a waiting anaconda

Interesting

Finally some good fuckin news

what, did the big bad escalator scare the incredible shrinking president? did it activate your fear of stairs again, you big wet motherfucker? do you need a shitty hamburger and a soda to make it all better?

“The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for. I agree with the second part.”

[logging on every day] man what

Today on #AOAS Pod Squad: @genadoesthings.bsky.social and @jennferatu.bsky.social take @joelipsett.bsky.social on a tour of the past as we explore the world of tortured author Shirley Jackson in the forgotten pandemic film, SHIRLEY (2020).

Bluesky needs a lot more weirdos in general, but yeah, talking about horror movies is a good start

Tomorrow on #AOASPodSquad: @genadoesthings.bsky.social, @jennferatu.bsky.social and @joelipsett.bsky.social return as WHITE LADIES IN CRISIS tackles forgotten pandemic quasi-biopic SHIRLEY (2020) about author Shirley Jackson.

I have had Jim Carrey’s version of “Cuban Pete” stuck in my head for four days straight, and I’m about to jam an ice pick in my eye

Sometimes I forget that Harry Anderson died and it makes me sad all over again

Literally recoiled when I saw this

It is *wild* how many teen movies of the 80s involved the “heroes” either tricking girls into sex (i.e. rape) or sexually humiliating someone as “punishment”

Gonna be fun watching them slowly come to the realization that up until last week the average not extremely online American had no idea who the fuck Charlie Kirk was

Can confirm, these are delish

Carnivale now, Carnivale tomorrow, Carnivale forever

Putting away all the "CIVIL WAR NOW" banners at the news station and bringing out the "Mental Health Crisis in America" banners with a heavy sigh

At 2 o’clock EST, an enfeebled Donald Trump will slowly hobble to the White House lawn, then turn a Willy Wonka somersault before delighted onlookers as proof that he’s the healthiest man who ever lived.

Doomscrolling is a lot more fun when you're rooting for the doom

Today on #AOASPodSquad: Whitr Ladies in Crisis’ @jennferatu.bsky.social, @genadoesthings.bsky.social, and @joelipsett.bsky.social are back with the incredibly stupid and entertaining "not Lifetime, but might as well be" title The Stranger in My Home (2025).

Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who thought of the police chase scene in Raising Arizona during the end of Weapons

Well I just love her and I don’t care who knows it

QT this post with someone you wish was still alive

Newsom can't be President because he's an asshole with bad politics but he can absolutely goad the current President into doing dumb and loud shit and there is no greater need in the moment than a loathsome fuck to anger and annoy the other loathsome fuck

I don’t know Annie even though we’re both in the horror “community,” but James & I were online acquaintances until he victimized a friend of mine. This was almost a decade ago & it’s damn depressing that he’s still doing the same shit, let alone enabled by a woman. Shit’s bad out there, folks.

Generation X kids disappeared from our houses at 2:17 a.m. all the time, and nobody made a big deal out of it, amirite?

I wrote some words about the “Ozzy in Heaven” clip genawatchesthings.ghost.io/death-in-the...

John Cazale mid-70's type run

There is absolutely no excuse for any Democrat asked about trans athletes to ever respond with anything but “why are you wasting my time asking about FEWER THAN FIFTEEN CHILDREN AND YOUNG ADULTS IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WHO WANT TO PLAY GAMES WITH THEIR FRIENDS. What is wrong with you?”

One of the strangest things about social media (other than everything else) is the expectation that everyone knows every single factoid about every celebrity. Back on Threads I made a remark about the weird 😬 face Mr. Beast always makes, and someone responded “Uh, you know he has Crohn’s Disease??”

Fascists can't stand ridicule. We must redouble our efforts. TACO, cankles, make-up, comb-over, wife hates him, sons are idiots, convicted felon, adjudicated rapist, doesn't know what a tariff is, wears a diaper, ear did not grow back, etc, etc. There's plenty to make fun of. LFG!

Two divas

A menopausal hitwoman, you say…?

My brother why would you waste time creating an AI girlfriend when you can just glue a pair of googly eyes to your hand and call it a day

Among the greatest promotional photos of all time are these for the 1990 television movie of IT, where it looks like a prestige legal drama about a firm of hot young lawyers and one associate who likes to dress up like a clown.

I love having a President who’s compelled to respond to every remotely negative thing that’s said or written about him with a wall of shrieking text. Really assures me that he does anything else with his time besides sit on the toilet looking at his phone.

The number of people I’ve encountered online who have deluded themselves into thinking that New York City was once an all-white Christian utopia that was only just “infiltrated” by immigrants within the past 30 years is both fascinating and alarming.

Went to a show last night where there was a man sitting near me with the same haircut as Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element and I could not stop staring at him

Just gonna add this slutty pic of Sheriff Hopper to the conversation

If you can remember if someone goes by “Skip” or “Junior” or whatever, you can remember their fucking pronouns.

Well, at least when he dies fighting a war for people who lied and conned him into serving, with inadequate training, he’ll die knowing his kids will never have a book read to them by a drag queen

Part of the reason so many of these fools hate Stephen Colbert is that he lives his life as the faithful and humble Christian they constantly claim themselves to be but are too selfish and fearful to actually be.

He’s going to accidentally sue himself one of these days

I would like there to be no news over the weekend. I am declaring a moratorium on news until Monday at 8 a.m. News can then resume at that time. Thank you for your attention in this matter.