Dua Lipa was fantastic! But there was only one question on my mind…

A friend’s very straight husband: “Yeah, sometimes I’ll go a 10 day business trip with just a carry-on and all my coworkers are looking at me like, ‘Where’s all your stuff at?’ and I say, ‘It’s really tight but I fit it all in there.’” Me: “Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that.”

Anyone have the contact info for *those* Etsy witches? I’ll pay them double to protect Dolly.

Good morning to everyone except anyone who as ever wronged Britney Spears ever

Life on SSRIs be like

New shirt. New moto. New me. ✌🏼

The current political climate is exhausting. Does Claire’s still do lobotomies? I’m getting real tired of all this, grandpa.

Happy Birthday @simeona94.bsky.social ❤️

I wore this to a Dore party in SF a couple weekends ago. I spotted a few people I’d met earlier that day at the street fair and went over to say hi. One of the guys hugged me, leaned in, and whispered, “It’s great to see you again… but my friend is DEATHLY afraid of rabbits. You HAVE to go.” 😅😂

“Is she gonna jump from there?”

Stop scrolling & post two characters who bring you joy and happiness (if you want)!

Alexa - Play “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette

Luckily, I do have some experience. 😆

*Overheard from a different room* 🎶 “My name’s Tim Gunn and I’m causing a ruckus” 🎶 - @joshuaking.bsky.social

Thought I was being funny and original with my zoom background for my interview yesterday…

@joshuaking.bsky.social: “Jurassic World has a 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. Superman has a 84%. And right now, Fantastic 4 has a 88%. But Jurassic World is probably gonna make the most money.” Me: “That’s because they don’t have to pay the dinosaurs.” Joshua: 😒

In honor of Lady Gaga's song, show me your best pic where you gave "Summerboy" ☀️

Screaming. Crying. Throwing up. Gaga was amazing.

My fantastic four

Ran into @gameovergreggy.bsky.social from @kindafunnyvids.bsky.social and whoever said “never meet your boyfriend’s heroes” clearly never met him. He was an absolute delight! 😁

We all won just for getting that "Show Me How You Burlesque" lipsync tbh. #AllStars10 #DragRace

“Ginger, Jorgeous, I’ve made my decision [on episode one]” #AllStars10

Bosco’s burlesque lip-synch was THE Best performance of the season #JusticeForBosco #AllStars10

A relative got *very* upset when I said a man is responsible for his actions, no matter what a woman is wearing. Like and follow for more controversial takes.

New Jurassic World movie reviews are in! Girl I went to college with gives it 10/10 ⭐️

I’m tired of the term pocket gays - we should be fruity pebbles

Chappell Roan reminded me of two people tonight…

“Yeah, one quick thing — are you kidding me?” - Tim Gunn (probably)

Someone’s about to get screwed…

Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter - Act II 🇺🇸

Caltrain is usually a peaceful mix of laptops & noise-canceling headphones. But baseball season’s here, and Giants fans have entered the chat—loud, hyped, spatially unaware. I love fun, just not 3 feet from my face after a 9-hour workday.

Happy Easter

An important message.

Repost with your favorite James Bond (wrong answers only)

Oops! I must have grabbed your coffee by mistake.

Forgot my headphones at work. So now I’m on the train listening to two tech bros talk about skiing

I’m a confident, lowkey, community pole diva soft boy visitor daddy sad boy babygirl slut

If you’ve already seen this post 100 times on my other socials, please forgive me, but I am raising funds to help my mom cover the costs of my dad's funeral. Any support, whether through donations or sharing this link, would mean the world to us. Thank you 🤍 www.givesendgo.com/Michael-Pogue

Just gave someone in SF directions to a park I’ve never heard of… Good luck and my the odds be ever in your favor

Simeon-coded characters

Living here would fix me

Paused my fitness goals to donate a kidney. First workout back ✅ Now to get summer-ready and show off these scars! 😎 #LivingDonor #DonateLife

Me, every day for the next four years

Me + my Pokémon team 💕 (my Pokébabies)

Unlike you, I get my news from a reliable source

I also tried watching that new Bene Gesserit show, but something seems off…

*THIS* moment in Smallville 🤤

Texas Sex Ed Class Teaches Boys How To Cheat On Pregnant Wife theonion.com/texas-sex-ed...

Because I am a middle-aged woman and she’ll always be my sweetheart