Just as I was about to ask my wife for the TENTH TIME where something was – I found it. Now my bride is convinced she witnessed an honest-to-goodness miracle. HALLELUJAH!

A brother and sister in Ontario aim to raise awareness about aging with Down syndrome. #family #downsyndrome #aging www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

I think it’s cute to spell words in front of our dog, but I hate it when my wife spells words to her friends in front of me.

Last night, my wife was snoring, so I had no choice but to wake her up with an air horn. She can be so inconsiderate.

I’m not allowed in the kitchen because I started two fires in two different microwaves. I think my wife is overreacting. I mean, what are the odds of it happening a third time?

Moving tribute to Alice Wong from Rebecca Cokley: “Alice was constantly watching what people were doing, & lifting up people whose work she thought deserved attention & amplification. This was core to the creation of the Disability Visibility Project.” www.thenation.com/article/soci...

My wife doesn’t understand how a grown man can repair the transmission on a truck but can’t figure out how to use an electric can opener. I would explain it to her, but it’s very technical.

I tried to help my wife with the vacuuming by pointing out a spot she missed. But instead of appreciating my assistance, my spouse immediately gave me the chore of running the sweeper for the rest of my life. What was I thinking? I know better than to try to be helpful.

This morning at breakfast, I told my wife that when she married me, she won the marriage lottery. She laughed so hard that coffee shot out of her nose.

My wife came home from a trip and was impressed by my housekeeping until she found the dirty dishes hidden in the oven, the dirty laundry shoved under the bed, and the unused broom, mop, and vacuum sweeper stuffed in a closet. But I learned a valuable lesson. I need to find better hiding places.

#5debutalbums7074 #musicsky John Prine - "John Prine" 1971 Legendary, one of one artist. He came in fully formed on this debut. Great stuff.

Wife: “We’ve lived in this house for 25 years, and you never notice anything. You haven’t even mentioned the new kitchen curtains.” Me: “We have a window in the kitchen?”

Yesterday, my wife suffered a terrible shock when I actually came home from the grocery store with everything that was on her shopping list. There’s no telling how long it will take her to recover.

My wife was shocked that I had 78 photos of the dog on my phone, but only one of her. What can I say? I was as surprised as she was. I had no idea I had a picture of my spouse on my phone.

#GrantPark in #Milwaukee #Wisconsin It has seven bridges and incredible trails overlooking #LakeMichigan on 300 acres. "Enter This Wild Wood And View the Haunts Of Nature" #fall #photography #photos #nature

My wife can lose her purse, her keys, her phone, or her glasses - and I am not allowed to say a word about it. But if I temporarily lose ONE child at the mall, I never hear the end of it.

My wife and I have reached the age where it takes both of us to get one of us off the floor.

My wife sent me to the grocery store to buy milk and bread. I returned with salsa, popcorn, gummy bears, and three toys for the dog. I’m not sure she appreciates it when I help out.

Before I was married, I didn’t know there was a WRONG WAY to put stuff in the fridge. Now it’s difficult to imagine the horror that would occur if the milk ended up on the wrong shelf.

Reposting news of a generous billionaire wanting to do good.

My wife expects me to gratefully eat leftovers with unrestrained glee or COOK FOR MYSELF. Fortunately, I’ve learned how to fake unrestrained glee.

I tried to cut my own hair, and now my wife refuses to let me go to her family reunion. I never dreamed my plan would work! Of course, I’ll have to wear a hat for three months.

My wife thinks that if she can see her breath in the living room, I have the thermostat too low. Unfortunately, she never has hot flashes when she needs them.

"Silence can be incredibly hurtful’: How to talk to someone about their #ChronicIllness While it may feel impolite to ask after someone’s ill-health, for those living with chronic conditions never being asked can feel ruder still." 🔗 www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

In the middle of the night, I stubbed my toe. Finally, I understand the pain my wife experienced during childbirth.

My wife and I never argue. We just politely discuss things at a volume that scares the cat.

Marital Madness is a humor website featuring the hilarious ramblings of a clueless husband. Check it out today. Free to read at: mc-humor.com

Every day, my wife forgets where she put her purse, keys, and phone. But she clearly remembers that time in 2008 when I loaded the dishwasher wrong.

#Dogs #Dog #UnconditionalLove #LoveOfAnOldDog #BestFriend #FaithfulFriend #LoveDogs #GoodDog #DogsAreLove

Apparently, I have a death wish because I actually said to my wife, “Just calm down, and try to be more like my mother.”

I'm tempted to point out when my wife is wrong, but that’s a good way to end up with a broken pointer.

What Trump’s Medicaid Cuts Mean for Two Podcasters With Down Syndrome... www.motherjones.com/politics/202...

Me: (declaring loudly) “Marriage is not a competition!” Wife: “Whatever you say, Dear.” (gloats because women live longer)

When my wife uses my first AND middle name, I realize I’m about to apologize for something I either did or didn’t do. In either case, trouble is on the way.

Each Thanksgiving, my wife invites her entire family over. That means once a year, we have to clean the house.