Acronyms are confusing to my autistic brain, bc it tries to map wrong. Just now I saw “TBH” and my brain confidently decoded it as “Tennessee Birth Horse”

Not now, carnivorous death ball

e pluribus, numnum

Today I got so mad I went against all my natural non-cooking inclinations and made a giant pot of soup. Made broth, added lamb and onions and carrots, spiced with rosemary and lemon pepper, tempered some cream and added that in at the end. I was so furious I spontaneously manifested a skill.

Why am I not independently wealthy and able to make weird art all day?

Usually it takes a lot to send me off into the rafters. Found out last night that one surefire way to do it is for a house guest (remaining unnamed) to run through all my ibuprofen in a week, not tell me, and leave the empty bottle for me to find out, you know, WHEN I NEED SOME.

You have to survive. There are graves to piss on that haven't been dug yet.

The Raw Onion

i like big trunks and i cannot lie you other travelers can't deny that when a shattered visage lies in the sand with a sneer of cold command you get sprung from the passions read from a hand mocked and heart fed that pedestal tried to warn me but "look upon my works" makes (me-me-me so horny)

Woke up with this as the only remaining shred of my dream: “Why would I settle for store brand fascism when there’s custom, artisanal fascism right outside?”

I wasn’t expecting a Bluebeard retelling but wow here we are

A hot water main just burst under my ground-floor apartment this morning. I could really use a win. (Her majesty is okay and her wellbeing is top priority.)

I long for a day without usernames and passwords.

ngl this is an honor

If they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to get an honest answer. I explained how it works (tab A goes in slot B) when they were each about 6 years old. But we lived on a farm then, and “the birds and the bees” were more “the sheep, goats and chickens, who are already giving demonstrations”

Well. I bought @sarahgailey.bsky.social ‘s book “Spread Me,” which riffs on similar themes to “The Thing.” But this morning, my dog ate it. That’s not ominous or anything.

In which I share the closest I have had to a cryptid sighting. www.reddit.com/r/Paranormal...

You guys need to read “Mr Collins In Love” if you like Pride and Prejudice. Author knows what she is about with a deeply autistic character read on him.

I want to plant a garden next spring. The big thing in my way is adding compost. A neighbor offered me a cubic yard of composted manure. I am in no shape to haul it. The one guy I could find locally wanted $300 to move it (I suspect he didn’t want to do it.) Ideas on how to move so much soil?

The nice thing is that when a dude claims women aren't into [practically any hobby], he's telling us all that the women who are into it have pre-screened him for us

Your Halloween customer is "sexy" + the last thing you googled. OH NO I am sexy Roald Dahl. That IS a scary costume.

To say that the majority of Trek fans are right wing and that women don’t *really* like it is something that only a real trek fan would know that only a fake Trek fan would say

Rocky Mountain National Park is one of Colorado’s greatest treasures. By keeping the visitor centers open despite the federal shutdown, we’re helping visitors stay safe, informed, and connected to the beauty of our great outdoors. https://ow.ly/3ITB50XhWEB

Hestia has stolen a Taco Bell wrapper out of the trash. She crept by me with it, slowly and quietly, climbed onto the couch, hid it under her paws and watched me for a minute before starting to tear it up, quietly and slowly. Baby girl you’re huge, you’re not sneaking anything. 😂

Could not agree more.

A moth got into the shelter tonight and it was the event of the season.

Oh my god, take my money Steve

It depends. Most of the time? 1. Small children clock me as a safe adult and cluster around me like soot sprites. If I am not pushing a cart, I WILL have people ask me for help at ANY store, bc I carry with me an aura of helpfulness, I GUESS. But I can ramp that shit up when I need to. MOM VOICE

I love him

Oh fuck yeah, talk about a plan with zero downsides!

I was in the company of teenagers. One put on their music. A few songs into it, “Closer” by NIN came on, and the teen dove to her phone to skip it. 15 years ago I was the one skipping THAT SAME SONG bc I had lil kids. What a parallel.

Australia's humpback whales are doing so well that their population is expected to reach carrying capacity and plateau in the near future--they have not just reached but exceeded pre-whaling numbers. For this to happen with such a long-lived, slow-reproducing species is near miraculous. #goodnews

Give fewer fucks. No, less than that. Less. You’re still 2 fucks too high. There you go. Better living through lower standards.

Dear god please let them nail Trump on a permit issue by the county

I guess this is the only way they can think to counter the slogan “No Kings”?

Honestly “heist where the robbers stole so many jewels from the Louvre” is hitting me like good news? Just because it’s interesting and smart instead of pointless and stupid. apnews.com/article/fran...

Well I was not expecting BILL NIGHY to be spitting facts today! observer.co.uk/culture/inte...

I GOT SMOOCHES

I HAVE A DATE

Imagine dying upon the hill of English cuisine. This, from the country that ripped the world apart for spices.

I went to a gathering. Maybe made a new friend. I was like a hot geek seeking missile and found the guy with a doctorate.

SO GET REKT CUOMO

HERE IS HOW SADDLES WORK! It’s not really about YOUR comfort, it’s about the animal’s. A saddle tree disperses your weight over a larger proportion of the animal’s back, hence why saddles are stiff. Treeless saddles are usually more like high quality padding. This also allows for stirrups (cont’d)

I have determined the funniest thing I can do on neighborhood pages where folks are like “All set for No Kings day!” followed by “There is only one king!” (pic of Jesus) and “I voted for the king!” (Trump fool) is to make on like I think everyone is talking about Elvis.

Stay safe out there yall! I'm carrying: - tourniquet (I'm stop the bleed trained) - narcan x2 - basic first aid kit - 2L bottled water - umbrella - goggles - N95 (imma try for a P100 at the shops tomorrow) - earplugs I'm not carrying: - my cell phone

ye gods 🔥🔥🔥

FUCK EM UP LEO

It is more humane to put an old horse down than to dump them at auction.