One of my MFA security apps just interrupted a sign-in with “YOUR 2025 WRAPPED!” and let me tell you, OneAuth, I have never wanted anything less.

One of my mother’s friends had reason to come to my house. I said “Just don’t tell me mother I am a terrible housekeeper, haha!” Her, mirthless: “I think she knows.”

“Some are born great, some grow to become great, and others have greatness thrust upon them.” This is a dick joke.

Family is watching Christmas movies. Wow, I had forgotten how bad movies are. (Brought to you by “Hone Alone 2” in this instance)

Listen, Queen Mab would absolutely make a black cat her Winter Knight.

🧵 🐷🎅

I keep thinking I’ve made progress with my bullshit. Then I open my mouth, like I did the other day, and hear something troubling come out of it like “No one is as safe as me alone.” Come ON

Stubbornly putting myself in a vulnerable position to protect someone else led me to say “I will die under this bus”

Ken Paxton has launched a snitch line to gather reports of supposed violations of Texas' transphobic bathroom policing law. Please do not abuse this snitch line. Please do not fill it with faff and nonsense. Please do not attach huge, unwieldy and irrelevant documentation to any reports.

I’m here for a long time, not for a good time. So yeah, I want to fix shit if I can.

Every time I see a historical show where a usually-Victorian person carries on a bit of a monologue to provide context and deliberation, I find myself wistfully thinking “If only they would let me finish my sentence like that”

Please stop holding global industry events in the US and expecting people to travel to the US. It is not safe to travel to the US.

[tapping earpiece] I'm just now getting a startling revelation about the shocking thing in common between those who work forces and those who burn crosses

Pardon me while I go buy gold and bury it in my backyard

The dog Calls the rabbit A coward When she runs

Username and password?

Post from a different era in your life

NO, cuz it is NOT HER!

We are all of us Living in the gutter But some of us Are looking at the stars Which means the rest of us Have to steer the star-gazers around knee-high obstacles and deep puddles.

It is 6pm and it feels like the deep dead of night

Time again for my favorite christmas post ever, one that still makes me laugh every time i read it

Maya's dad is cool.

Good couple of stories of reaching across language barriers. My own story is that I was giving away a chicken coop and run that needed to be dismantled, and it was going to be a HUGE job. A tiny old Vietnamese lady showed up for it. Neither of us spoke a WORD of each others’ languages.

This was such a funny story thread by @neolithicsheep.bsky.social that I had to make it a comic.

We got Weird Al out here singing Killing In The Name, the time for moderation is over

Ah. Tear. Achilles tears, as in rips, injuries, etc. Not “Achilles tears” pronounced like “tiers.” I briefly wondered if this was some kind of extended grief-over-Patrocles metaphor.

Oh nooooooo Just saw someone refer to a car that came out the year I graduated high school as “a classic car.”

When I have a new hyperfixation, I say I want to set it on a stool (in my brain) and watch it spin. It occurred to me today I have used this description many times without ONCE letting on it was a reference to Duchamp. www.moma.org/collection/w...

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT going to regret listening to this bird:

“What about when only my tracks are visible, my lord? Where were you then?” And Yoda responded, “CARRY ME YOU DID!”

Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale https://theonion.com/study-finds-processed-meats-carcinogenic-but-they-were-on-sale/

For the past 2 months, I have been on a super careful diet experiment, with only complex carbs like whole wheat, lots of vegetables, meeting daily requirements of fiber/protein/vitamins/oils/all that stuff, as little sugar as I could, portion control, you name it. I have lost 1.5 pounds. 😭

Yolo often stands with his little back toes crossed, which I find ridiculously cute! You can see vultures don't have bulky feet and talons built for grasping/carrying like other raptors. Their more chicken-like feet are meant for bracing on food to pull at it with their powerful beaks, instead.

Ash and I saw a moose tonight! He did not wish to be seen and gallumphed away.

Me when alone: I could have a great mid-life slut era Me around people: DON’T TOUCH ME, EW

statistically a lot of you won’t know about ocellated turkeys, so, here you go

We are all so lucky, to each have the best dog

I have a thing I do, where if I am stuck lightly conversing w a stranger (latest instance was when I called a locksmith) I’ll say “[Their job] must be interesting”, which inevitably prompts a story from them. Usually about someone being weird at them. ALL GRIST FOR THE STORY MILL, BABYYYYYYYYY

WHO BROKE THOSE HOMELANDS, STEVE? HUH? WHOOOOO?

truth coming out of her well to shame humanity

Oops I hurt myself with fiction www.tumblr.com/penpaladinju...

Guillermo del Toro’s Clueless

My new favorite way to respond to obnoxious people trying to start fights online is with just “Alright, kiddo.” Heheheh.

What is it with 40+ year old guys on dating apps proclaiming proudly “Have a job, have my own car” like that is not the absolute minimum for a functional life? Those are things to be proud of when you are 25. At 40? Honey you gotta bring more to the table, and I don’t mean a fish you caught.

A movie that takes place where you’re from

Ah yes, the joy of having pets. How would I wake up if not for a cold, wet nose barely touching me over and over? The pet equivalent of a small child asking “Are you awake? Mama. Mama. Are you up?”

do you believe in ghosts or are you like me, a person who finds themself saying all the time “I absolutely don’t believe in ghosts, but this place has ghosts.”

If they really wanted to appeal to women they should have made a drink called Monster Fucker.