if you see this, i implore you to post a picture from whatever device you’re using, with no explanation.

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

I made it my life mission to reference this as many times as I can

(Heavy sigh) Today I learned all about the Mystic River in Boston. (It has tides!)

“Your mother had how many children?!”

Y’all go look at Ao3 today for the only funny April Fools gag

There’s only one of you in the world, and that’s more than good enough. Be unapologetically yourself.

Ok step one is to make them look less delicious

The most important work that we do is helping our constituents across Northern & Western Colorado. If you need assistance with a Federal agency, please don’t hesitate to contact our team! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

Had a dream of yelling at a cop for shitty behavior, then realizing I knew his mom. AND HAD HER NUMBER. The power fantasies of the middle aged.

I could be a guest on your podcast! My areas of expertise include: Textile arts Fiber-producing livestock Minecraft Writing scifi/fantasy Some parts of SQL Raising kids Horses TTRPGs Making weird art Exactly ONE of these things makes money.

Without downloading any new pics, what is it like dating you?

I did not share my breakfast with dogs, and I am a traitor and a monster and how could I and I have ruined the day already

Sometimes it’s nice living in a rural mountain town. No one can thinks they have jurisdiction over the wildlife. We are helpless against such forces as coyotes, elk, moose, bears, and mountain lions. New folk learn fast what will/won’t work, and how little the fire dept cares that you saw a bobcat.

I made the briefest of forays into what the internet thinks is the difference between “girl moms” and “boy moms.” Nope.

Do I know anyone who knows things about growing potatoes in an arid place with a short season? 8500’ elevation in Colorado is essentially Zone 3. @tkingfisher.com ? Any ideas?

I am mad that there is not a good “story” in our culture for people who fail to find romantic partners. The only existing narratives are “confirmed bachelor” and “spinster,” but those are both wildly old fashioned and don’t fit the modern world.

This is Hank. He is incredibly invested in this plumbing project that does not require him in the slightest. 13/10 (TT: compound_interest_)

Please soothe your soul with this footage of an enraged muppet being treated at the wild muppet center.

My wife says this photo is missing Benoit Blanc

Idea: I record unhinged stories from my life for my kids, but as a voiceover of me badly playing very basic Minecraft, and name the channel Mom Lore. Brought to you by me sharing a story and one of my kids saying “New mom lore dropped.”

OH THANK GAWD, some sanity

One of the fun things about having adult children is that they will send me pictures of stuff that reminds them of me. In today’s case Cam sent me a pic of a spider like the big garden spiders at the farm and asked me for facts about spiders.

This morning I wanted sour candy. I cannot have sour candy, bc blood sugar. So I improvised. Which led to Ash coming in, staring at me, and saying “Are you just … *straight up eating a lemon*?”

Happy pi day!

Do men realize that by making a world an unsafe place for women, they are preventing me from being a gigantic slut? Truly, I am wasted on the world.

I was once explaining the history of racism in America to my then-5-year-old in terms she could understand. She said, “Boy I’m glad all that is over and we learned better!” And I had to take my baby by the hands and say “Oh my love. It will never be over. They just got better at hiding it.”

Today’s theme music, inspired by just GLANCING at the news. “This is where the allies bombed the school, they say by mistake.“ music.youtube.com/watch?v=lwkJ...

I put something together today. Let’s say person A thinks person B is “too much.” I suspect there is something in this about person A not setting/communicatjng boundaries, and expecting person B to figure out where those boundaries are on their own.

Drop something Black & White🖤🤍

Let’s put him in a room w my mom so they can voice their bad homeless opinions to each other and not me.

I hate and love this like Gollum hates and loves the Ring

Friends I went on a JOURNEY today. www.tumblr.com/penpaladinju...

I discovered a new threat I can level against my adult children. “I’ll be FINE alone all weekend. I’m gonna text a guy named TBone.”

We could just fall back instead of spring forward. Could fall back every weekend. Time is made up.

there's so much bad in the world but there's also people who lift up and carry an elderly bat around every day so he can pretend he's flying again, and that's the part of the world I think is worth fighting for

Don’t give up. The best potatoes of your life may yet be ahead of you.

“What was the wild ancestor of the guinea pig? Because these things are just like, meat potatoes.” Looks them up. “Nope, still meat potatoes.”

I wonder what vitamin I am missing that I have been srsly craving lemons. Just ate a fucken lemon like it was an orange. (I do take multivitamins)

Was talking with a friend about psychological addiction in animals: “I bet bonobos could get fucking HOOKED on Ao3”

I posted a video of a bobcat, and my mother asked me “Is that your new kitty?” This is the same woman who, as a child, brought home 3 bobcat kittens; her father then had to go put the kittens back, KNOWING THERE WAS AN ENRAGED BOBCAT NEARBY. She refuses to learn what a bobcat looks like, it seems.

I signed up to help with the Democrat caucus this Saturday. They have me making PHONE CALLS this week. Past Me wrote socializing checks that Present Me is having to cover.

“Enchanté,” I say, shaking your dog’s paw.

The internet sucks now. I guess I am going to buy BOOKS like I wanted to do in the first place. (This post brought to you by my failed attempt to find a good tutorial for sewing double pointed back darts in a dress that actually look good.

Saw a pull quote on a romance story, “I will have you, in every way that I can.” And my inner voice became Matt Mercer saying “You can certainly try.” #criticalrole #romance

I am going to have ROOMMATES later this year and I am over the moon about it, they are the BEST, in my top 10 favorite humans. It’s gonna get better, y’all.