If you ever feel bad for not doing anything with your life, just remember that most people aren’t doing anything with theirs either

Directors cut bc my natal doctor minored in film

I was thinking back to the Discord zendesk instance hack and it got me thinking that we really need to have strict data handling policies in the U.S. like they do in the EU. It’s actually ridiculous that Discord retained the PII of customers and also, how many other companies are doing the same???

no idea

the only disorder i have is Her perfect sweetie angel disorder

Stun locked my nephew by calling his favorite YouTuber “Donald Beast” and he couldn’t figure out how to correct me

humans evolved from the apes noah saved

While extremely dystopian I’m sure that a non-zero amount of the content of this list is extremely funny

Impossible to understand the tech leader zeal for humanoid robots unless you realize their homes are filled with human staff whose presence makes them, in a basic way, uncomfortable. They want servants without the trace of subjectivity.

ME: Here’s something happening in America that sucks and everyone hates and no one supports SOME NON-AMERICAN: This is normal in America and everyone thinks it’s good…but not us, the enlightened global citizens of Mother Earth…we think it’s actually bad, unlike *dry heave sound* Americans 🤣🤣

I use my Chromebook to watch YouTube videos while I sleep and just now found that last night, my cats discovered hotkeys that for settings I didn’t even know existed

Growing up in the Midwest means your cultural identity is based primarily around different forms of preparing food that goes out of a can or box

Why is this my most watched video on YouTube (not counting shorts) youtu.be/11ehfQo0H5M?...

Medicine that makes you immediately forget if you’ve taken it

I have to listen to podcasts when I drive because if I put on any of the music I normally listen to it boosts my mood and I start driving with reckless abandon

Guy who gets mad at political streamers for hogging viewers that were never going to watch his Marvel Rivals stream to begin with

Medicine that makes you instantly forget if you’ve taken it

“I need to pee” “WHOOOOAAAA DUUUUUDE NICE SCOTT PILGRIM REFERENCE”

Once again thinking about how American children were robbed of the greatest anime opening of all time youtu.be/jB7ecG_12x8?...

Medicine that instantly makes you forget if you’ve taken it

Yeah this medication is called etotktytonalktinymota but the name brand is called totalarentininutymot

Alright everyone I switched from a $6 bottle of shampoo to a $10 bottle of shampoo this better make me beautiful

Idk if this is the quintessential Onion headline but I've thought of this at least once a week for almost a decade

don't blink. blink and your cocks removed

Chromebooks get a lot of hate but honestly they’re a great cheap, fashionable device to use to remote into an actual computer

Medicine that makes you instantly forget if you’ve taken it

This one’s an all-timer for me youtu.be/usKOYCuIXV0?...

linux joke

I heard my alarm in my dream and as I was waking up thought “thank god, I was bored as shit”

Medicine that makes you instantly forget if you’ve taken it

Medicine that makes you instantly forget if you’ve taken it

DHS’s post suggesting “if you help kick people out of the country you’ll be able to afford housing” is OG Nazism.

In his defense falling asleep during a meeting is one of the best feelings in the world. Intoxicating, even.

I just discovered that I can sing in my falsetto and my normal voice at the same time

if what I did was a "war crime" then how come I'm not in trouble

I miss when discord was a beta platform that was an alternative to teamspeak. My friends and I got it early on because we had a bunch of different Skype chats that we used to game. I got discord nitro because it was a great service that I wanted to support. Now I have to deal with this crap.

Guys I’m starting to think that computer was a mistake.

Now that my siblings are all adults I have absolutely no idea what to get them for Christmas

Shin Ramyun Black instant noodles remain unchallenged as the best instant ramen I can get in the U.S. Buldak is also good but it doesn’t have broth so it’s in a different category

Haha…. jk lol…. unless…?

What unholy powers must I entreat to get my alarm to go off on my Apple Watch OR my iPhone properly Every other week they introduce some new setting on the watch that causes the alarm not to go off

No you see getting up to 275 lbs this year was intentional, I’ve been preparing myself to be ready to be a mall Santa this year by eating like garbage and not exercising at all

The little piece that clips into the belt loop fell off my belt buckle so I took a hammer to it and bent it back around the bar and now my belt functions as a belt again

I got a sandwich at the grocery store that was on sale for $2 Was it a good sandwich? No. Was it $2? Hell yeah it was

Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

How many times have y’all heard “and are you putting any toppings *in* the ramen?” from a medical or mental health professional before

I regret every joke I’ve made about how our elected officials were so old they didn’t know how to use a computer. I would give anything for another administration that doesn’t know how to use a computer

There is a direct correlation between how fake your job is and how much value you see in AI

For once I’d like an anime where people with superpowers fight monsters and actually do the monster-fighting part, unlike every shounen out there where the monsters are just a backdrop for all the people with superpowers that are fighting each other