they’re probably back there making fun of me for all the microplastics in my load

number 1 thing preventing me from starting a podcast at this point has got to be how long those people have to sit in a room with no airflow each week

some of you girls have to stop inventing hierarchies so your insecurities can place you at the bottom of them

The problem with every post-Millennial generation is they got to go straight to high speed internet. Of course you'll get computer madness that way. Make them start with those old screeching modems and work their way up

fucking wireback just tried to take my order at the weenie hut. told that fucking clanker to fuck off back to the matrix where it belongs.

first man to get disowned by both his physical and digital children

oh you’re a lesbian couple? which of you does the chester parts and which of you does the mike shinoda parts when you sing along to linkin park in your car

AU where poison ivy is a futanari and cums chia seeds

WGA statement on Paramount’s decision to cancel the Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

i bet it feels good as hell for fireflys to do the glowing ass thing

Your sound card works perfectly! #GilbertGottfried

Holding up a little sign that says “please stop” as the notorious serial killer, Illiterate Bob, stabs me to death

only work besties could have a glizzy argument

when we get sent to CECOT do you guys want to start a GURPS campaign while we wait to be exterminated?

Please god let her ruin my life

Unable to find the Microsoft Office app on my phone because it's no longer called either "Microsoft" or "Office"

my name’s jonbenet ramsey, and this is jackass.

why are jigsaw puzzles alway an old clock or flowers and not a nice set of boobies or a cool skeleton?

science can’t explain the mysterious attractive force between the roof of my mouth and shotgun barrels

Anyone else?

the beatles if they were way into being cucked: 🎶 “Got to get you into my wife!”🎵

waking up to a barrage of notifications only to learn hank green said i have a tiny dick

suicidal, dyslexic vampire reading the dbz manga: 𝔞 𝔤𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔠 𝔤𝔲𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔰𝔞𝔶…

must be weird for grimes, being eskimo siblings with trump.

>tedpilled >3d prints gun

we all say shit we don’t mean after half a bottle of soju

wednesday addams is such a pick me

i know i’m treading virgin ground with this take but peppermint patty is a comphet lesbian

just who do you think you are, pal? rene descartes?!

del taco man put an egg in my cali bacon burrito for free. i love him.

it was a patented diamond joe warning shot

need scientists to start working on what it is about the second half of the second tallboy that makes me want to go for a lil evening drive

crazy that the tiktok algorithm is serving me butlerian jihad content

increasingly considering transitioning from biology to physics

soup 2: the sequel to soup

sure you’re depressed but are you consistent-free-pity-drinks-at-dutch-bros depressed?

we are rapidly approaching the point where guillotines are cheaper than apartment application fees

petition to move the international court of justice and the international criminal court from the hague, netherlands ➡️ the dalles, oregon 1. there’s 2 dalles, that’s more space 2. big river to drown war/climate criminals in 3. at lunch we can go to taqueria mi pueblito 4. year round windsurfing

putting in earplugs before suckstarting the shotgun

warm water is for chumps. west coast is best coast bc we have sunsets. sunrises could never.

me when i savescum in a crpg

try not to fall in love with barista who is nice to me for money challenge (any%) (IMPOSSIBLE)

PIV, in this humidity?! best i can do is mutual on top of the sheets with the fan on us and a cold shower after.

👏slut👏rights👏are👏human👏rights👏

imagine how much money someone could make by opening a laundromat that isn’t a money laundering scheme. like if it was just a place you could go to wash your clothes and they cleaned and swept and filled the quarter machine instead of cutting coke with baby formula in the back? could be the move.

ugly fucking cars are a critical part of queer culture