rest in pee pee ian watkins

Mark Ronson doesn't exist. Every time someone mentions him they're referring to John mulaney in sunglasses

I wish I could shit out my anxieties

As per usual, fuck Bill Maher

3:19am I believe in us. We will be okay. We will see communism in our lifetimes. I love you. 3:44am Burning all my paintings. My art is a waste I am sorry for wasting so much time I will never be good enough 4:31am if kirby swallowed a pirate he would be Scurby

I need to write a memoir I will force a future therapist to buy

this is lovely and i'm so sad and furious it has to exist

Can't say I knew Kaleb well but he was a good writer and nice enough to me on the bird site. A fuckin shame he went so soon

Most ppl don't know this but if you press your right temple, your nose twice, A, down left stick, right right stick, X, Y and Start on the title screen of Diddy Kong racing, you will restart life at your first homosexual thought

Blood turns orange when you go woke

me, with a fake mustache: i'm so sorry about the loss of your mother

We still didn't catch that fuckin Kony yet

This happened once too. Memories are what we'll have left

The world is beyond salvation but at least this happened

GLOOM

DOOM

Louder for those in the nose bleeds: THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS THE PARTY OF PEDOPHILES AND THEIR ENABLERS

Regardless of how you feel about the late night shows getting axed, everybody agrees this chucklefuck's show should have been first

Any time Stephen miller enters a room, the first question on everyone's mind is either "does he know he looks like that", "is his hair running away from him faster than his wife" or "where's Beavis"

Gotta be honest and say that it once again feels stressful that all the evil people are doing evil things and making life worse for everyone

I know the zeitgeist is that no one deserves to die before their time and for the most part that is true. I'll even go as far as to say Charlie Kirk had a role as a father to fulfill, a future where his children despised him to his face rather than to his grave. He shouldn't have been capped early

Dude is dangerous left alive so whenever somebody feels froggy, do it preferably before the year ends

GLOOM

DOOM

can't stop thinking about stupid it would be if you were like, just some dude working at ace hardware and an angry right winger walked in and yelled "why isn't your flag at half mast for charlie kirk?" the funniest possible response would be "who's that"

Why didn't Nostradamus predict something useful

Pepsi Blue

first we weren't allowed to say anything mean about Charlie Kirk so the right wing didn't get mad and kill thousands of people and now we're not allowed to mention the fact that they threatened to kill thousands of people bc that would be impolite

(pop up video of vh1 fame bubble: It does not)

2:56am, September 11th, 2001. I had just finished a fit of lovemaking with Natalie portman on the third floor of the south tower of the world trade center. "Will I ever see you again?," asks a concerned Natalie. I look at her wistfully as I cup her chin in my hand

I'm calling the shooter The Stranger until further notice

idk man if I had just lost my kid to a school shooting and the news cycle was dominated by people loudly mourning the loss of a guy whose life’s work was radicalizing people, largely children, into thinking that’s a cool and normal thing to do while contributing nothing else, I’d probably go insane

The prayer brigade suffers yet another humiliating defeat

Every single human being has been poisoned by the Internet and the antidote lies within Kenny g

I am genuinely confused by all this pageantry. He was not an elected official. I cannot think of another time a regular citizen being killed garnered this response. It’s perverse.

I don't know who did the deed and neither do you. If you think you do, you really don't

Groaning over fetterman's reaction. Dude, you support israeli genocide; you don't get to decry political violence

Prick stoked the fire with his bullshit. You can't expect extremist views not to be met with extremist actions

Maybe now I'll see less and less of turning point ads like I've been appealing for Google to fucking do

Does this mean the point stops turning? Is Santa not coming anymore

RFK JR: It's going to have a it's going to it's going to be the biggest infusion of federal dollars into rural health care in American history. SANDERS: You know why? Because you're cutting $150 billion for rural hospitals. You're putting $50 billion back. That's not an infusion.

GUY FIERI: Mental health is important and all, but what about its FLAVOR? Will it put gas in the hog? THERAPIST: What is wrong with you

"bread and butter will cost more but think of it this way: you're getting top-quality bread, you're getting top-quality butter, you're getting it all in bread in the United States. I was amazed when I found out it was inbred

He messed with pigeons underneath a crane hoisting a thick pane of glass and got squished like the kid in final destination 2. It squished him small enough to fall into the sewers and became a fatberg. He's not dead, folks

My sister told me there was a guy in her dorm her first year of college who would “pretend to be possessed every month” I asked her what made him do it, and she looked very thoughtful and said “I think he just liked having girls take care of him”

Rudy will kick it far before bill or don will. Dude hasn't been well since he made his heel turn; he sweated ink once