The definitive movie of America is clearly defined as Gremlins 2

It's FIFA baby

this doesn't even have the full context which makes it funnier

Fuckin temu ass ai doormat

Supreme Court my ass

scenes without mommy’s face in them are unnecessary in movies. it does nothing to advance the story of where did mommy go

The last words of somebody who drowned is almost always "blblblblb" and scientists don't know why

SUBWAY TAKES GUY: so what's your hottest ta ME: *eating the mic*

Seeing the Simpsons now is like seeing your dying grandparent

What I haven't done in years and what I'll be doing a few posts about is post content pulled out of the space between consciousness and sleep. For example:

Son of a bitch, how am I supposed to have my yearly Armageddon BBQ cookout now?!?

in case you've never seen it, here is the original reddit thread where a dude posts looking for legal advice bc he thinks his landlord is breaking in and leaving post it notes everywhere, and someone in the comments saves his life by correctly diagnosing him with carbon monoxide poisoning

Two months later

Youthemisms

Everyone forgets a Luigi at least once in their life

THE COURTROOM SKETCH ARTIST DREW THE MOMENT THEY REALIZED THEY FORGOT LUIGI

Death is not real, God told me

Why invest years of your life into a social media network when you can just have a cool glass of chocolate milk

Dunkin Donuts has been on a steady decline in quality ever since they changed their name

Okay, the demon king attacks you and (rolls dice) just barely misses. He wails in (rolls dice) extreme disappointment. He (rolls dice, shakes head) was never any good at anything, and (rolls dice) it all comes rushing out in a show of bare emotion. (rolls dice) I need a charisma save from all of you

There's bad chemicals in snacks that might make you die. Idk if you knew that

I moved away from ny bc I don't like fun

Jerry Seinfeld once dated a 17 year old in his late thirties and there's a joke to be made about it

My special tea: 3-5 packets of green tea Garlic Turmeric Lemon juice Ice cube

Here's a shit: that "thrillionaire" jingle interpolated with the boss battle song of persona 4

I hate my avatar too

There's supposed to be a tornado in my area so today will literally blow

Does anyone know femmepizza and if they're still with us?

Just think when it happens the whole country will look like nyc tonight

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that I'm no longer welcome near the water dish

EXPCET DELAYS

Yoinks, Scoob! That fuckin hurt

guy has a trillion dollars, 0 friends, and has never landed a joke. I know a pact with the devil when I see one.

Idk how many ppl were paying attention to my posts on the dead bird site but there was a time where I mentioned and provided pictures of a dog my neighbor owned. He was a big Samoyed and I called him woof woof because his actual name sucks. We were tasked to look after him once and he was a card

The UFC 250 is gonna be DashCon on steroids

We're all in agreement that when it happens we salt the earth of the causes

Used q-tip has problems about how it was used

I recall the northeastern blackout of August 2003 quite well and replicating it this year is the path to go if you're looking to get your ass kicked by a flurry of perfectly timed palm thrusts

I have this fucked-up sexual fantasy where someone makes me feel beautiful and wanted and desired

I drank some haterade and now I'm livid

do I have any Chicago mutuals who can cat-sit

doing jazz hands as my flesh is ripped off by hooks hellraiser style

Wario

Wow, a whole cow made of butter

Remember in Rocket Man when Elton John is worried that getting sober will ruin his work and make him irrelevant, but everyone tells him it won't, so he does, then the movie summarizes the subsequent 30 years with a montage

I Publicly Melted Down On The Twitter And All I Got Was A Barbasol Hat

I was saying boo urns

HOUSE, SEASON 9, EPISODE 1 "RUDIMENTARY" House: oh hey there cuddy. I'm a doctor again Dr. Marvin Cubbly: does this joke need to be made House: you want to save the patient, yeah? Cubbly: you need to go back to dead mode House: Wilson died Cubbly: Who? House: Your patient has halitosis of the dick