Since he likes to have his name on things so much, the cyclospora outbreak causes 'trumparrhea.'

Just had an 80 minute nap. 11/10. No notes.

♫ Islands in the stream ♫ That is what we are

I haven't heard a single Dem hammering a daily message about all of the corrupt insider trading stock purchases tied to the war or government contracts. The deafening silence of a paralyzed party.

"Is there anything I need to buy at Walmart or see at a theater worth getting shot over?" -Welcome to my ongoing decision-making process in Florida.

So what all is Tom Steyer doing with his billions to help Californians now?

I'd rather perform my own vasectomy. Without anesthetic. Using a spork. A dull spork. A dull, plastic spork. With my left hand. Standing up. In a hammock. On a boat. A small boat. At high seas.

U.K. Weighs Social Media Ban Of Everyone Except Old Men Who Grow Big Vegetables https://theonion.com/u-k-weighs-social-media-ban-of-everyone-except-old-men-who-grow-big-vegetables/

For Juneteenth: I Am Not Your Negro (2016) — Documentary about James Baldwin's unfinished manuscript on Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, and MLK, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson in Baldwin's own words. Not a history-of-emancipation film, but a clear-eyed look at the unfinished work. youtu.be/2PaAbmRJ9bQ?...

I've gotta say @linkedin.com ads are as easy and painless to setup as performing your own vasectomy. Without anesthetic. Using a spork. A dull spork. A dull, plastic spork. With my left hand. Standing up. In a hammock. On a boat. A small boat. At high seas.

Love this for them.

There was a time when they'd break into regular TV programming with a "special report", and we'd hear about some breaking news. It was a rarity. Now every day is the equivalent of dozens of special reports, some new atrocity Trump + co are committing, with negative consequences affecting us all.

Movie idea: Horror movie based on the woman described in Billy Joel's "She's Always A Woman To Me"

Today I get to drive five+ hours to stand in 100⁰F temps to photograph a couple I don't know get married so I can spend maybe 20 minutes with my daughter. Totally worth it.

Last I looked the temperature was triple digits...and all the same digit. Maybe I shouldn't leave that sensor in the sun.

Went to a drive-through. The total was $8.61. I gave the kid $10.61. He had no idea what to do. Tried to give me the 61¢ back because, "The $10 covers it." "Yes, and with the 61¢ I gave you the change is two $1 bills, not $1.39." He had to go get a manager.

Proper nouns are capitalized. Improper nouns are slapped.

Writer/Director: I have an idea for a 90 minute movie. 2-hours, max. Streamer: Can you stretch it out to 8-10 one-hour episodes? Writer/Director: ...well... Streamer: Maybe two seasons of 8-10 one-hour episodes? Writer/Director: It'd probably suck. Streamer: That's fine. Here's a pile of money.

HER: We need to talk. ME: I know. We should break up. HER: What? I was going to say we should plan a vacation. ME: After we just broke up?

I'm guessing not top of their class.

Apparently 'canada' came up in someone's alphabet soup again today.

The only possible explanation is that Adobe is trying to make their software suck.

Wouldn't it be great if they live-streamed removing his name from the Kennedy Center and it got better ratings than the 250th Cluster Fuck?

Not that I'd wish them harm, but can the Katy Perry, Lauren Sanchez, et.al. crew please try Blue Origin's new rocket?

There are ~15.5M registered CA voters who aren't registered GOP. @tomsteyerhq.bsky.social has put $192,400,000 of his own money into his campaign or roughly $12.50 per potential voter. He could've just sent me a check for $25 and I'd have told him I'd vote for him. I wouldn't, but I'd pretend.

Declassified UK @declassifiedUK It’s funny how neither of these stories can be reported in national media, isn’t it.

If there's anything sadder than making 6 Ravioli -- because that's the fucking serving size -- and having two of them blow apart while boiling, leaving you with four Ravioli and four pieces of pasta, and watching the filling go right through the colander and down the drain, I don't know what it is.

I enjoy checking to see if political text messages understand a response of "fuck off" as the same as "stop."

After cancellations, the new list of featured performers for The Great American State Fair on the National Mall: - Kid Rock All-Star Band feat. Scott Baio and Ted Nugent - Scott Baio All-Star Band feat. Kid Rock and Ted Nugent - Ted Nugent All-Star Band feat. Nicki Minaj - The James Woods Dancers!

Where can I get an Obama 2028 hat?

Wix laying off 20% of staff in favor of AI, but go ahead and tell us how AI is good for people's jobs.

Hey, @ennuidoofen.bsky.social, may you have an outstanding next trip around the sun. Don't take any wooden nickels.

As I've told my daughter, in over 40 years of voting I've only ever voted *for* someone twice. Every other time it's been voting against the others. Best horse in the glue factory. Is Becerra perfect? No. None of them are. But I'm voting for Becerra.

I just learned that inflammable and flammable mean the same thing. I am told that my eyebrows will grow back in time.

the high cost of bouncy castles is largely due to inflation

Cause: really love your peaches Effect: wanna shake your tree

Can the first cage match be Mitch and Lindsey Graham? Please?

This is such a criminally under-appreciated film.

Went to a barbecue yesterday. Sent home with leftovers. So I had baked beans for lunch and for dessert got to clean the inside of the microwave.

* saw something on ebay, $50, asking for bids or offers. * I offered $60. * they counter-offered $75. * I rejected. * I bid $50.00. * I won.

So...how did the guy who claimed he was Jesus and was involuntarily committed get a gun?

So his two brain cells rubbed together and spat out 'Greenland' again, is that it?

But don't worry -- after AI has replaced all white collar tasks I'm sure the companies will keep those employees around. To clean executive toilets and, maybe, for cage-matches over food scraps.

"Magic: The Gathering" "Magic: The Gathering 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold" "Magic 3: Gathered" "Magic: The Gathering 4: The Disbursing" "Looks Who's Magic: The Gathering" "Fast Gather: Magic VI" "Magic: The Gathe7ing"

I'll bet the low-level people defending AI think the stripper really likes them, too.

Bacon, eggs, toast, coffee, and a $4 tip.

Anyone else surprised he hasn't made the Air Force One stairs an escalator?

*very sarcastic slow clap* Well, I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Ok, I get it now. Dems want to lose. Got it. It all makes sense now.