They're unafraid, they're confident, they spray paint their heads!

Who could forget the story about Jesus using a furniture dolly to move the cross up the hill?

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

Hope everyone has a poncho because this is going to be a shitshow

"Did you people throw this kind of shit-fit at Denny’s, or did you just order a Moons Over My Hammy and keep on truckin’?"

Can't believe trump deported the cracker barrel guy

Who needs bond villains when the population at large will gladly set the world on fire for the dumbest possible reasons?

Could you remind me? I don't remember what I had for breakfast let alone what I was doing last June

fantastic foreskins

This is like if Jeremy Renner got ratioed on the Jeremy Renner app

Ernest Scared Stupid. There's no safe age for that trauma

Thing 3 is a minion, Thing 1 is every other cartoon character. Also, what happened to them being identical? That was like their whole thing.

manager: you make that allergy warning sign for the counter? employee: sure did boss, real fuckin ominous just like you asked manager: what

Who could have expected this outcome except for all the people warning it would happen? I would say it's a shame they didn't learn their lesson from other states that tried the same thing, but since the point is to strangle the public school system, I guess they learned the lesson just fine.

2 ulti 2 matum

i'm surprised by how low energy and farcical that whole military parade situation was. I was expecting Moscow 1945 and we got Spirit Halloween instead.

The whole idea was dumb from the start, but the execution is just hilariously bad. My local middle school marching band is better coordinated--and has a better taste in music

IOS 26 or my Nexus 4 in 2013? Hard to say

flour sack fashion is a recession indicator

It works a little too well

Paul Blart

If they don't call it Ma Ma then what's the point?

"milk"

The original Madame Web

"What do you do?" "I hold the Pope's weirdly long microphone"

Truly insane collection of words

Is it? Is it really that shocking?

If you think I can't still clog it, you're wrong

FINALLY

Wait is Heart Eyes part of the emoji movie cinematic universe? 😍 #hearteyes

Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope

My cats at 3am

my vet, who's hard of hearing: can you repeat your cat's name me:

Someone get Cecily Strong on the phone.....and maybe get Colin a poncho

Calling confessions “deep dishes” from here on out

Pope Leo XIV was 48 years old and from Chicago in 2003 which strongly suggests he's secretly Steve Bartman in disguise.

I saw Marxist Pope open for Cannibal Cardinal at Graspop in '99

BREAKING: In first official act, Daaaa Pope brings Bean to St. Peter's Square

Pretty sure an angle grinder could also get it open

Джейк and the Fatman

do these people not know how chairs work?

They've had years to prepare for trump possibly taking the office back, and months since the election, and this is what they come up with? What are we doing?

Briefly thought my neighbors house was on fire, but no. Turns out they just have a 90" tv and a love of those fireplace videos

In this house we deadname Twitter, the Gulf of Mexico, and Sears Tower

101 Dalmatians was released OTD in 1961, and I still haven't gotten around to seeing parts 1-100 #filmsky

Get back to me when they launch FBI: Baywatch.

How dare you disable replies? I DEMAND to be a smartass in the comments!

Matt Gaetz stepped aside because he realized it'd be a 4 year gig, and he'd never be interested in something that old.