I just released a mini-comedy special called Fat Jokes, which is me doing Fat Jokes for 15 minutes. It's on YouTube. I know there are much more important things happening in the world, but maybe you want to laugh for a bit? www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RbB...

Woman at the gate said ‘are you a comedian? I recognise you’ which would have been cool if I hadn’t then walked straight into a window.

My storage space was broken into and all of my kitchen stuff was stolen. That sucks - but I now feel justified in spending an entire weekend looking for the PERFECT replacements. First up: Cutlery. I have very specific requirements, so it's hard finding the right stuff. But I did find the WORST.

Moving back to Denmark has been great, but it’s -11° and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT. I can’t believe I actually miss the endless British weather smalltalk. I need to talk about how cold it is.

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers! 📚💙 Book 18! #Books #BookSky #BookChallenge @sofiehagen.bsky.social

Some of my favourite podcasts lately have been @ifbookspod.bsky.social and @sofiehagen.bsky.social 's Help Hole. I love that they're kind of antithetical to each other and it's my favourite when they do the same book

I just woke up from an intense anxiety dream about starting at a new school. I’m 36.

I’m about 5-hours in to “Will I Ever Have Sex Again” by @sofiehagen.bsky.social and its everything I could have hoped for! Carefully researched, accessible, intimate, funny, just all around gorgeous!

I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t January.

Someone in my mother’s local Facebook knitting group knitted a penis and boobs to hang on a Christmas tree. Everyone lost their minds and were furious. The person then said, ‘For every negative comment, I’m knitting more dicks for the tree.’ We’re now glued to her phone for updates.

Moving to Denmark really made me realise how much I used to rely on Amazon. I'd type in 'thingie that makes my table a bit taller' and it would show me 50 different types of furniture risers. Now I have to go into a physical store and say that and watch them figure out what I mean and then shrug.

Since moving to this small suburb, I've learned that apparently my dog is petrified of church bells. Is my dog the anti-christ?

I will forever say ‘at the same time’ and never learn how to spell or pronounce simultinstiously.

Facebook Marketplace is wild. “Could I carry this home?” “Does it fit into a Fiat Punto?” “Is it big enough to do scrapbooking on it?” It’s like a maths test from an unhinged maths teacher.

Thank you for all of your support. I had it for breakfast and it was delicious. Best thing I’ve ever eaten.

Question: My neighbour brought me a homemade curry yesterday evening. It’s in my fridge. It’s 11.30am. When’s too early to eat an entire curry?

If you’re wondering if I’m excited to go to Melbourne and Sydney in April to do shows, the answer is: I’ve already got a spreadsheet, a Pinterest board and several bookmark folders dedicated to the trip. I know what time I have to go to sleep on March 19th 2025, to try and beat the jetlag.

I am learning now that some people can go about their lives as normal, even if they know someone is about to ring their doorbell. A delivery, a pick-up, a friend coming over. It's apparently not normal to just sit frozen waiting, unable to eat or use the bathroom. With one eye on the door. Huh.

I really liked the movie Blitz. A lot less singing than in Wicked but I’m guessing more bombs. (Haven’t seen Wicked yet.)

I feel so blessed that Virgin Media has such a long and painful verification process, since there are many, many scammers out there looking to change the terms of my WiFi contract. This will teach them.

I am just going to hide here on Bluesky for a bit. TikTok almost just convinced me to buy a £237 purple ceramic M&M. It’s very pretty. But let’s all say it in unison: I DO NOT NEED A PURPLE CERAMIC M&M.

I accidentally started watching Pop Star Academy and it IS WILD. Like if America’s Next Top Model lasted two years and the contestants were actual children. But in 2024.

Fun flashback to when I was 12 and wanted to learn how to swim so I signed up for a class at the local swimming pool. I turned up, all ready to learn. Everyone else were 5 years old. The water in the pool reached my knees. The teacher asked me which kid was my child.

Accidentally sent a photo of this giant onion I got to the family WhatsApp group at the exact same time as my mother sent us a photo of my grandmother’s coffin.

My therapist said, ‘How are you feeling about our sessions?’ and I said, ‘If I could feel anything, I wouldn’t be here!’ and then we laughed and I paid her £80.

English is my therapist’s second language. She wanted to tell me that seeing my grandmother before she dies might make it easier for me to get closure. What she said was ‘You could go see her and finish her off.’

I honestly think it’s unfair that I’m expected to also have a job and pay rent, when I am busy running a very successful orphanage in The Sims.

In my entire life, every time I have opened a can, I have drunk from it. It’s muscle memory. So to whoever invented this: FUCK YOU.

If you are late to our appointments and you don't reply to my texts and you forget my birthday and if you disappear for months at a time, I just want to say: thank you for making me feel better for also being a mess of a person. This is why we're friends.

[noticing a group of people having a nice time at the park] enjoy your echo chamber

I don’t know why receiving long voice notes angers people so much. I actually like to hear my friends tell me things. A little, personalised mini-podcast, just for me? Yes, please.

Hi, I’m a comedian and author and podcaster. 🎙️ My podcast, Help Hole, it’s about self-help books. 📕 My newest book is called ‘Will I Ever Have Sex Again?’ and it’s a nonfiction/memoir about suddenly struggling with sex and intimacy. 🎤 I have a free stand-up show on YouTube: youtu.be/iXtM1tbE-KQ?...

Is there a direct correlation between people who do or have done a lot of drugs and people who like movies where people do a lot of drugs? I’m watching one right now and I am unbelievably bored… And I am also a boring square who’s never touched drugs. Is it only good if you can somewhat relate?

I tried breathwork once. It was over Zoom. She asked me to lie down and take a deep breath and feel my body sink into the mattress. An hour later, I woke up to see her annoyed face on my iPad. I’d paid £80 for a lady to watch me nap.

Medium-firm mattress: £895 Firm mattress: £1,050 Very firm mattress: £1,360 Just sleeping on the floor: FREE

My therapist did an impression of me to end our last session. She even used props.

We need to all agree right now to bully JK Rowling off of this platform the second she arrives.

elon thought taking away peoples' verifications was a threat, and everyone was like please dont give them back. in fact goodbye. im going to go post on a site where i have zero followers

So, turns out, the London-Edinburgh sleeper train is 1000 times better than the Berlin-Stockholm sleeper train. Is this the kind of information Bluesky people would find valuable?

I’ll just have a quick cup of coffee and two seasons of Feel Good and THEN I will do the dishes.

me: did you know there’s a complex named after you oedipus: haha, I’m not surprised, I was king, defeated the sphinx, stopped a plague! what part of my life is it named after? me: oedipus: andrew? what par—what did they name it after?

I like only having 25 followers. It takes a lot less time to DM each person individually and ask why they haven't liked my latest post.

Me, before watching Queer Ultimatum: I'm pansexual Me, after watching Queer Ultimatum: I'm confused

Me, on my way to starting a new social media account.