my friend, the clown wizard: oh fuck. dude. please tell me you didn’t just take a sip from that black and white striped potion bottle clearly labeled “mime juice” me: 🫷✋☝️🤨🫴🫸

next time its gonna be you having to visit yet another streamer in their hospital bed, with the blanket dipping cavernously wherever their dong used to be. as you sob at the pitiable sight the doctor approaches you “…who do you think gave you the dong?”

Nl giving you top surgery: two big ones. Enhance pair? That won’t be necessary.

I am CAPTIVATED by Big Guy

gm y’all i think there is something deeply wrong with me. ~a year ago i had a dream about northernlion giving me bottom surgery. and last night i dreamt that jerma was taking care of me post bottom surgery. he made me lemon water and told me he loved me. do i need to get put on a psychiatric hold

DO YOUR HORMONES DO NOT SUCCUMB TO THE HELLWORLD STAY ON YOUR HORMONE SCHEDULE YOU'RE ONLY GONNA GET HOTTER

no, i do not have a "princess wand", merely a humble shepherdess's crook

new animal crossing update sounds neat and all but i’m just not interested in going back until they reintroduce trench warfare to the series

Ok you can kinda see my arms in these (old bcuz my hair is long). Don’t make me regret posting these lol

Today's vibe

anyone else trying to convince themselves it's gonna be ok before realising you sound like a soldier dying in a trench

Ah the sun... Nature's big natural

i think i hauve covid

seasonal depression got me so over this winter bullshit i’m lustily looking at images of the sun on my phone

how do i explain to a gen alpher that back in the year 2000 this was the coolest possible thing you could look at

they should pair autistic barbie with adhd ken, given that's about four different couples I know

*cocks gun* put on the jammies. put on the fucking jimjams

i can’t tell you the last time you played the circle game, but what i can do is tell you the last time you lost it

We are one week away and 25 folks away from hitting FIVE HUNDRED EARLY SIGN-UPS which feels absolutely absurd and also an achievable number I would love to hit because that number will scratch my little goblin brain

Tonight's vibe

Two patricks diverged in a yellow spongebob

Foul Jester

*zoom out to all the hands slowly curling into circles* Beware the man who speaks in pants

outside the bar trying to meet women by asking them for a light for my cig and one of them does give me a light, she even raises the lighter to my cigarette for me, and i’m so nervous cus i’ve never actually had a cigarette before and when she lights it i suck in reaaaaally hard and swallow it whole

i’m so deeply sad to hear of the recent celebrity passing. i don’t want to come off as parasocial, but i really loved his work and his talent will be missed. i thought he was fantastic in severance and- [intern comes on stage and whispers something in my ear] oh seriously? lol. lmao. thats awesome

i can’t tell you the last time you played the circle game, but what i can do is tell you the last time you lost it

✨ Stars in your eyes ✨ #clown #clowncore

mommy's slutty little gyoza

in spite of the troubles brewing in america you must live mas. if there is one thing you cannot forget. you can't let them take living mas away from you

our old man Peeburt got dental surgery today and he’s absolutely out of his freaking mind on the pain shot they gave him. his pizza fell over and he’s just been staring at it blankly for like three minutes

when i was a child playing pokemon gold on my gameboy for the first time, i remember looking over at my treasured tub of legos and thinking “wow. i can’t wait to one day have the opportunity to spend nearly one thousand dollars on official pokemon branded legos”

Rather than sit back on the laurels of being socially acceptable, should we not be demanding them to lean in harder? Should we not demand big-toed crocs that squeak when we walk, and pointy-toed crocs that jingle jangle?

You've gotta stop betting on them to put aside their differences and become friends, sire

out of everyone in mortal kombat, i would trust quan chi the most to handle my finances.

Please stop posting effortslop

lost all my money on draft kings betting on rhinoceros beetle fights

Today's vibe

hallmark style movie where a big city girlboss goes back to her hometown for the holidays and connects with the local vtuber who shows her the true meaning of jerking it crazy style to anime girls dressed as maids teaching each other how to kiss

me: and here we have a beautiful little stream. isn’t the sound of the water running over the rocks lovely? i bet if we look close, we could see some minnows miku: :D do u have any games on ur phone? :D

i’d show miku a world shes never seen before. away from all the lights and sounds of da big city. we’d take a walk in the woods. step over fallen logs, listen to birds, watch the sun stream thru the trees, pure natural tranquility, and she’d turn to me. and she’d go :D. this is not very fun to me :D

(wokely) your pronouns are a danger to the queer community.

gun too big call it big gun

Gwyneth Paltrow I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan

Soulful jibbitz

what is a croc if not a socially acceptable clown shoe?

i wear crocs in a more meaningful, esoteric way than most

it's sunday

Tonight's vibe