i love hearing the coyotes yowl and yip together in the fields at night but it also makes me kinda sad cus like. uhm. why was i not invited ? :/

love to ctrl+shift+t like wait lemme look at that again

who will join me in this noble cause

i’m moving different. i’ve got gut flora so potent it’ll put you in a k-hole for centuries. i invented kombucha circa 220 BCE after pissin in Ying Zheng’s mouth. i snort probiotics by the gram. i got the mother in apple cider vinegar pregnant, and she still calls me. this shit ain’t nothin to me man

love the ctrl+w shortcut on my keyboard like. lol. get closed idiot

asking mall security if the food court needs a jester

Ideal relationship dynamic

see you fuckers later, i’m going to get fucked up crazy style Albania 2

goin out :>

stopping people outside a liquor store and begging them to buy a gallon of vodka for me because the clerk won’t sell me anything cus the clown pant i’m wearing doesn’t match the one on my ID

I love Nostalgia because I'll look at 2000s rnb music videos with the shiny filter and color grading and think they are the coolest thing ever and they are

the duality of woman

👽 /||\ alien _| |_ ⠀ 👽 <))> gaylien _| \_

whiskey fridays with tony dokoupil

call bluesky my dick the way it can’t stay up for more than a few minutes at a time

New York City, 2026. Rogue caddies roam the streets as the upper crust replaces them with autonomous robots in anticipation of actually paying fucking taxes. The subways are a driving range of misery.

i think the fact that is takes a full sixty seconds for a post to go through is actually really good. it lets me stare at my words, identify all flaws, and make me second guess the act of posting entirely. very zen

omg. i just realized both of those posted. i thought the first one didn’t go through. call bluesky my dick the way there’s two of them

call bluesky my dick the way it can’t stay up for more than a few minutes at a time

sorry for the issues this morning everyone that’s on me. i’ve been hitting the bluesky servers with a giant squeaky hammer over and over again. i’m not gonna stop tho. it’s my stim

listen. clowns go honk. jesters go jingle. mimes go ️️ ️️️️️️️️️ ️️ ️️. i cannot stress to you how important it is that everyone know this

maybe clavicular should worry more about brainmogging

“are you mogging me right now?” 10/10 five stars pulitzer prize winning journalism i’m dead and in a ditch

Imagine dedicating your life to incel looksmaxxing so much that you've smashed yourself in the face with a hammer only to have a regular reporter from 60 Minutes Australia completely outmog you. (Clavicular eventually walked off the interview)

tornado passed by us with little incident last night. it’s times like these i really take a moment to exercise gratitude that we survived, our home is okay, and i did not find myself transported to some bullshit magic world with stupid ass flying monkeys and given a hit job on some lady

Are you a *nudge* you know... *wink* a (slide whistle noise) *eyebrow wiggle* a (clown honking noise).

Damn this was a good post. It's a shame Ken was launched by that tornado like a hamster in a pneumatic tube shortly after posting it

my phone is pregnant. and it’s Apps

really bad weather coming in, potentially tornado activity. i gotta make sure i post something really funny before it hits in case i die tonight so everyone will remember me fondly

Piss has given it’s blessing to shit to be in the toilet

dumping gallons of spironolactone into the water supply on the northernlion cruise to boost his female viewership

the only two foods they’re gonna serve on the northernlion cruise are pizza and sushi

of course i’m going on the northernlion cruise. there’s just no better opportunity to be surrounded by my ilk- middle aged pseudo intellectual alcoholic men with vast knowledge of one or two very esoteric interests that actively enjoy frustrating people with their dogshit opinions on film and tv

i can't go to sleep. there are wikipedia articles on various cuisines.

millenials can kill hours at a time by just naming different Gen 1 pokemon and replying "fuck yeah"

Back on my once every five year bullshit ( making a mini comic )

hiring an intimacy coordinator for me and these mango slices

two clowns, gently and intimately kissing. their noses honk with every touch

The greys are POPPING lately

don't try to sell me a utopian sci-fi future. what i want in my heart of hearts is a version of mad max where no one goes hungry or dies of preventable diseases and most violence is consensual. are people drinking piss to survive? you bet they drink piss. Do people lactate for a living? Absolutely

can i come over and galumph on it?