It’s wild that I can blow weed smoke and flick my blunt ash right in front of a police officer, and my buddy right next to me will get a ticket for an open @Heineken bottle.

Tony Stark's alcoholism. Stephen Strange's hubris. Peter Parker’s doubt. Marvel has always dealt with real life internal conflict and drama… but Bob Reynolds’s shit DIFFERENT.

I hate gentrification. My white neighbors just flexed on me by calling the concierge by his government name. I been calling this dude "Pumpkin Head" for EIGHT months!!! 🤦🏾‍♂️

This is Tuna. You have once again taken him to the vet instead of the park. Fool him once, shame on you. Fool him twice, even more shame on you. 13/10 (IG: tunathekahuna)

"Captain’s log, star date, zero, four, two, zero…"

Marco Rubio has, in 38 days, personally reviewed over 13,000 USAID contracts. That’s almost 350 contracts a day. There’s only one man who can read that fast:

“If everything goes right, none of you will be able to afford food, housing, or retirement ever again.” theonion.com/trump-says-r...

Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1453

The North American Potted house cat. Conchus Sprouticus.

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1439

i am 100% certain that they are weekend at bernie-ing trump and just handing him papers to sign, the content of which is determined by whoever happens to want something to happen

I don’t know if y’all know, but #ArmoredMMA is absolutely insane.

Marko Elez's reported resignation has interesting implications for Musk/DOGE control over Treasury payment data. Elez was one of only two DOGE affiliates permitted by court order to access the data, and DOJ claimed that the other (Tom Krause) had only supervised Elez's work.

Wait. Have @doge and Elon just been pulling numbers from usaspending.gov ? Then releasing it as if they discovered it ? Brilliant if true. Absolutely brilliant. Fooled me. Very Trump like too. Any usaspending.gov experts out there that can tell us ?

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1429

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...

"I went to a doctor and all he did was drain my blood. Do NOT go to Dr Acula."

Blackness is having eighteen dollars until payday and spending twelve dollars on lotion. Understand me.

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover theonion.com/mitch-m...

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1411

We had to get in on the video action too — Bluesky now has custom feeds for video! Like any other feed, you can choose to pin these or not. Bluesky is yours to customize.

If I could live somewhere else in secret, but still "live" with my brother, I would be all over that shit.

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1409

20% Of Rape Kits Remain Untested Despite Federal Funding theonion.com/20-of-rape-k...

“Haha can you believe McDonalds is doing a Squid Game promo” easily yes because capital subsumes all critiques of itself and no popular TV show or piece of art will ever threaten or unsettle it

Welp! Time to get in the shower, get dressed and stay in!

Fucking APPROVE.

Behind the scenes

A bunch of cry baby billionaires who never served in the military want to force millions of our troops to go without pay at Christmas. But do go on about the price of eggs won’t you.

I finally found the clip of Diana Ross performing "Love Hangover" on The Muppet Show in 1980. The Muppet Show. We used to be a proper nation.

Today in cat scam news, my cat has worked out this scam where she pretends her normal food is completely inedible so that she can live off the treats she convinces me to give her. But then at night when she thinks I'm sleeping I can hear her crunch crunch crunching the normal food

Merry Spankmas!

Eric Adams thirst for photo ops is legendary. Bro, why are YOU there?

Ho, Ho, Ho, I'm Regrowing My Foreskin!

BREAKING: The biggest strike against Amazon in U.S. history is happening right now. The Teamsters are picketing facilities across the country. The union has organized workers at 10 Amazon locations AND they're putting up picket lines at hundreds of other Amazon sites nationwide.

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1380

Ambulance chasers in NYC REALLY gotta fuckin' RELAX.

News Happening Faster Than Man Can Generate Uninformed Opinions theonion.com/news-happeni...

(looking at the nutritional facts of smoked salmon) oh no

The whole point of the movie Gremlins is… 📢 "don’t sell your cultural treasures to white people!!!"