I’m just glad I only accepted £5 million rather than a pair of glasses, otherwise the media would have given me Hell.

@lbc.co.uk Can you tell your presenter Clare Foges that there was a Muslim guy stabbed, so it cannot be an antesemitist act.

PSA! Verdict is in on our new Fresh (like Grand Frais) supermarket - rather fabulous! Shelves & fridges full (late Sat pm too), lots of local produce 😋. @stutheeditor.bsky.social - maybe you need to try a different one. Could be dangerous for the bank balance 😬

Hey @theguardian.com, what was the religion of the third stabbed man?

‘You see this bee here…it’s just tried to assassinate me!’

Being British or settled doesn’t mean your spouse can live with you 🇬🇧 Earn under £29k? No visa. Can’t save £88,500? No visa. Have kids together? Doesn’t matter. 🚨 We're launching this campaign today—help us tell the gov to stop profiting from tearing families apart reunitefamiliesuk.co.uk/sign

Interesting to note the different reactions on the dais the moment gunshots were heard at the WHCA Dinner:

Fixed it...

They really do! Not the same eating them out of a packet 🤷‍♀️

Concern grows for Suella Braverman as she completely forgets she spent nine years as part of the Conservative government, including two periods as Home Secretary, responsible for immigration.

The United Kingdom is coming back to Erasmus+. The European Union and the United Kingdom have enabled the UK's association to Erasmus+ in 2027. More ↓ link.europa.eu/MHc9JP

This is wonderful news. The UK has officially signed up to rejoin the EU’s Erasmus+ scheme from 2027 It means students, apprentices and young people will be able to study and work across Europe 👏

Aww, just found this photo of Pistache from 4 years ago 😻 Miss you, beautiful lady 🤗

Our Father Who art in heaven,
Donald be thy Name.
Thy madness come,
Thy Will be done,
In Iran & not in heaven. Give us this day your daily dread.
And forgive us our trespasses
As you trespass against us. 
And lead us not into Epstein, 
But deliver us lots of evil. Amen.🙏🏻

I call this one Wisteria Through the Window on a Grey Day It does what it says on the tin 😍

Here I am congratulating the randomly chosen lucky winners of our energy bills prize draw. Oops... sorry, wrong picture - this is a photo of us from seven years ago.

Outright winner of #CatsWithJobs - salary in the form of unlimitless Dreamies I hope 😹

🤭

Jonathan Pie asking himself the same question we've all been asking 😵‍💫🤯

A mooch in Bordeaux today in the beautiful sunshine 😎😍

Most of us at the minute! Happy Easter Monday, try to stay sane 🐣🐰😎

FIFA Peace Prize update

🤭

My Easter reading: "..the Lord said I was hungry and you told me I could make a meal for 30p, I was a stranger and you told me to fuck off back where I came from, I was sick and you said I should get private health insurance..."

Ooh, interesting. Vineyard property not far from us going to start growing kiwis 🥝🥝

May I introduce my trusty new helper Dill - chief photography assistant for a house valuation today. Got a bit ahead of himself & started photobombing the photos 😆

I'd think this was an April Fool's joke if it wasn't a Reform UK member saying it...

Her family has posted on FB that she has dementia & can think that she is in Spain so may try to find her way there via road or rail

Walter, the dog in the supermarket, has competition for an Oscar for Best Actor 😂

Here's the election special episode of Talking France 🇫🇷 Results from yesterday's local elections 🇫🇷 The big talking points, including about the far right 🇫🇷 What, if anything, all this means for next year's local elections (I didn't get much sleep last night so please forgive the odd verbal stumble)

French General Richoux: "He wanted to invade Greenland and now he is begging for help from Europe" "He can go fuck himself." (📹@Tweet4AnnaNAFO)

Bravo.

Release The Epstein Files

A belated happy birthday to Damien Thorn.

Current view from my "office" (my car). Surveyor is doing a survey on a house I'm selling so I'm working* in my car while I wait 😎 *doom scrolling

EXPLAINED: The website that helps you study for the French civics test

It's like looking at the RSVPs to a Lord Mandelson birthday bash

Well, it's not Angela Rayner, so that's okay.🙄

This man has access to the nuclear codes.

Oooh yesss!

Managed to blag an invite to the grand opening of new resto last night in our local town. Never mind the free food, only interested in the DJ 😆🎵

Do they think people have literally no memory of past events at all?

Hold Mary's beer 😂

Boris Johnson says Keir Starmer has made us an irrelevance on the world stage...

When the camera opens on selfie mode.