Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S. https://theonion.com/despondent-shohei-ohtani-figured-he-would-have-met-steve-o-after-8-years-in-u-s/

I just pissed myself... this is the movie he is mad that people are calling slop... I demand you watch with the sound on... it is so much worse than you think it is going to be...

My big news: I've left The Athletic because they wanted me to stop covering the Twins. I refused to give up my dream, so I'm betting on myself and returning to my independent roots. I need your support to make it work. Join me and let's do this together: www.aarongleeman.com/welcome-to-t...

he turned it into a Porta potty

do you see what I mean

The resident eagles of Watkins Lake didn't take kindly to this young osprey fishing in their territory 📷🪶🧪

Byron Buxton has both the #MNTwins hits tonight, his one-out RBI double in the 11th giving them a 2-1 lead. Twins went 35 batters in between hits.

Graphic design is my passion

This is starting to feel like the most lost of all the lost seasons the Twins have ever lost. This week: -Delaware North concession workers authorize a strike -Taj Bradley to the injured list -Royce Lewis publicly musing about his viability as a Major Leaguer www.mlb.com/news/taj-bra...

Today is National Train Day.

By a margin the size of an aircraft carrier m.youtube.com/watch?v=E1wY...

On Hamline, the potholes are so bad the city put up signs saying, “ROUGH ROADS.” That is quite the message. “It’s as bad as you think, and we’re not fixing it.” I love living here, but this is untenable. Why do we live like this?* @mayorher.bsky.social @cityofsaintpaul.bsky.social

On the Twins broadcast, Corey Provos is talking about how he got hair transplants. It’s a little strange.

Commentary: Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like

May the fourth be with you

Look, cocaine is already here. It's going to affect every single profession. We just have to learn how to use it responsibly.

how can you not love baseball

When at rest, you'll sit in a chair.

History of the USA: - King of England imposes taxes - America declares independence - Things go well for nearly 250 years - America elects a moron - Moron imposes taxes - King of England gets taxes removed

Emily says we're wrecking the whole #SaintPaul scene. 🫠

I’d say this accurately describes life right now.

"First-time home buying plunges to record low as baby boomers prevent younger Americans from ever owning," per NYP.

23

Amy's proudly militarizing suburban police. Our slide into fascism is a wholly bipartisan endeavor.

🚨 If you're interested in AI, ethics, history, and PRIVACY, stop what you are doing and watch @carissaveliz.bsky.social's 12-minute TED Talk "Beware the Power of Prediction," released 2 days ago (link below):

The fired Boston Red Sox coaches in front of their plane back home. That’s Jason Varitek giving a thumbs down on the left. Alex Cora has been texting reporters he’s happy to be free. This is from his IG stories. Fucking incredible.

A one-in-a-billion chance! Bryce Harper’s face says it all 😅

Appreciate this detail from CBS News reporter Jennifer Jacobs. It's an important part of the story that seems to be missing from a lot of comments & coverage.

The Boston Red Sox fired manager Alex Cora, hitting coach Peter Fatse, bench coach Rámon Vazquez and game-planning coach Jason Varitek, sources tell ESPN. While the Red Sox won today, they are 10-17 and in last in the American League East. Massive change is coming in Boston.

It's giving Wade Boggs Carpet World, tbh

Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke

Corey Provus with the early leader for most cringey moment of the season. Made a little mistake during the broadcast. 🤣

They think you're stupid.

This is a really good trivia question that’s going to occupy my brain for a while.

There was a goose on the field at Wrigley, they played on

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

Defector is simply the 26 worker-owners who staff the site, along with the 40,000 or so paid subscribers who sustain it. Become one of them for only $1.

I believe it is Denny Green o’clock for the 2026 Twins. Holy hell, what a way to lose a game.

He had a dream. A dream.

This is the view from my brother’s window in Chicago (23rd floor) right now. This is facing a marina on Lake Michigan.

Last month in The Onion:

Byron Buxton becomes the all-time home run leader at Target Field 👏

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/

43

Hey, so this is cool. I’ve got a Peace Prize too, you fascist ass.

This is dope.