Lucky I like rice since that's *literally* all I have to eat until Friday

Sleep: fuck you, Jo Me: well fine I guess, fuuuuck...

Blondie was overrated

I hate this particular emoji 🥺

to be clear: paying for weird, kinky, gay sex was the only likable thing about Lindsey Graham

Nobody cares that your nipples are hard, take it to Whisper you weirdo

Five Black and brown men have been found hanged in trees in the US recently. Just reminding you in case the whole Lindsey Graham thing was distracting you.

huge blow to DC's gay sex workers

Vote Binface, Not Bungface. 🐢💨

Let's stop calling women over 20 girls. They're women. We don't call grown arse men boys.

Cyberpunk's quite good actually, isn't it

I know it's hinting but it looks like it's frolicking, and I thought you all might enjoy a frolicking shark

[my boy Ryan and the gang all being absolutely massacred at the club by the soldiers emerging from the Trojan Horse's belly] but that means... [Hector and Paris, covered in birthday cake and stripper glitter] remind me to send Agammemy a thank you card

Stephen Fry: people can't take more than 10 steps while holding coffees before you will definitely spill it because the motion of walking creates oscillations Baristas everywhere: guess I'm superhuman then

I want a guy who writes posts like this (but obviously a single one(until I unsingle him))

Hate that my nemesis Krag keeps showing me being trampled by chickens in all his cave paintings, but he always depicts our chieftain as being taller than a mammoth which makes it difficult to criticise his art without angering the council of elders.

For my fellow John Cena lusters, I've put a *very* erotic pic in the comments. Like, you can see it. Didn't post it straight to my feed, as I'm aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of stuff here without consent (me being one of them). Enjoy!

Ugh, I'm so broke I've been reduced to using value price LONG GRAIN rice 😭 I'm so used to cooking East Asian rice that using a fork to eat it with feels weirdly disrespectful

I don’t know which cartoonist created this, but it’s spot on.

Tell me you're English without telling me you're English

Vaccines Save Lives! “Vaccines are so effective they created an entire generation of people who think the diseases they prevented weren’t a big deal.”

‼️‼️‼️

Happy Wednesday, theydies and gentlethems 💛🤍💜🖤 💙🩷🤍🩷💙

Since my eyesight is deteriorating at a shocking rate I think it would be charitable of you handsome guys to post pics of you looking handsome so if it goes entirely I have some nice memories Jus sayin

In response to my TIL of the fact that the French word for vagina is masculine, turns out 'la verga' is a regional Spanish word for 'dick' or 'cock' (slang)

Hear hear

The prospect of losing your sight really makes you notice how beautiful things are to look at. I took the scenic route home after my scan, walked along the river and up through the park and it never looked so gorgeous

I just learnt that the French word for vagina is masculine

Welp, thank you, everyone, for your complete lack of support and friendly words. Good to know you couldn't give less of a shit 👍🏻

They tell me I’m uncultured, but I’ll always recognise a bit of Beethoven.

Please send good vibes to me and my falling-off eyes 😥

I did this in the winter of 1967-68 and atheism is exactly what happened.

So incredibly grateful for the NHS. Without it I would not be alive, very literally.

Fuck it, since you all are so obsessed with homemade pizza, here's the one I made tonight Sun-dried tomatoes, mature cheddar, halloumi and peppers on a small Greek pita

Whatever doesn’t kill you will probably just kill you l later or something unless something else kills you then that will kill you

This is so true

If anyone who has Tales Of Autumn on Switch sees this, please hit me up cos I need to know if I'm just rubbish at catching bugs or if it's a known issue

Rice with butter and soy is way more delicious than it has any right to be

Hey friends. As I've mentioned, I was recently diagnosed with stage 3 diabetic retinopathy. It's a critical stage of retinopathy which is a common complication of Type 1 diabetes which affects the blood vessels on the back of the eye, and in turn threatens the stability of the retinas, possibly+

Shakira's hips don't lie, meanwhile mine are out here talking shit left right and centre

Here ya go, perverts

An omission of one tiny thing can change everything. For instance, I've been on stage at Wembley and the O2 in front of thousands of people. The omitted fact? I was local stage crew.

Kudos #BookSky

I really hate that particular breed of censorship that has people using terms such as 'grape' and 'unaliving'. It softens the impact of things that should not be softened. They weren't graped, they were raped. They weren't unalived, they were killed.

I would kill or die for Larry