The bar for Trump is so low that I saw a headline about him being aware that his friend was a sex trafficker and my opinion of him rose a little bit. "He asked Ghislane to stop" is more moral fortitude than I thought he was capable of

Where is Anonymous in all this? At the very least we should have gotten leaked records of the jerk off diary Mike Johnson keeps with his son by now

This feels like too low a number. all you're doing is typing "build me a girl" into ChatGPT

I worry we've let our guards down too much when it comes to Glenn Powell. Dude is too close to Tom Cruise not to be a weirdo

What is the most humane mouse trap. I hate mice enough that I need it dead now, but not enough that I don't feel bad about it

It's times like this I'm glad I don't fully understand what mortgages are

Slowly piecing together the rise of fascism through the news fail complications I'm watching

Does this make sense?

WHY DIDNT I MAKE THIS ABOUT TIM KAINE IT WOULDA BEEN TOPICAL KINDA

Blue sky not having a drafts folder is a disaster waiting to happen. I just came dangerously close to tweeting this

I may not agree with her politically, but I respect the hell out of her for still rocking the Bump-It after all these years

I heard once that Elmo was named Elmo because it meant L. Mo which is short for "Little Monster", but I've never been able to find confirmation of that and honestly, if I made that up subconsciously then it's the smartest thing I've ever done

Nobody: Great British Bakeoff contestant: I made piña colada creme pat on a cardamum sponge

Ive decided to start going to the gym again on weekends. not for health reasons. I just forget to shower otherwise

Never lower your expectations so much that you start liking Amy Coney Barrett

I literally bought dish soap. Why is Amazon negging me??

Chuck Schumer saw Neville Chamberlain and his takeaway was "maybe he didn't appease him enough"

Subscribe to Willie I like his videos they're chill

Not gonna lie. It doesn't feel great

You can tell how well succession was cast because Roman's career post show has been very Roman, Shiv's has been very shiv, and Kendall's has been EXTREMELY Kendall

Typed "male" into Amazon and the autocomplete is fun

I

Cartoon ass dog

When I'm president it'll illegal to start emails with "re:" if they're not replies. Also I'm cutting funding to public schools

I for one think it's great how many of our laws have been made purposefully confusing and impossible to decipher without a lawyer. Hammurabi was a cuck putting up his code like that

He's using it a bunch which means he's cuddling me less and I think I might be jealous of the bed?

I bought my cat a new bed that he can crawl into and he loves it but he hasn't quite figured it out yet

Heard an 8 year old on the street talking about the Harry Potter Fortnight skins. Don't worry. I screamed "TERF" I'm his face

For the record this is a joke. I don't go to "the club"

It's crazy how well the algorithm understands me

Should I wear my fancy seasonal affective disorder glasses to the club?

I miss my cat ( he's fine he's just in another room)

raise your hand if you just wrote 22 pages single spaced about the real housewives of DC

I mean...the camels wouldn't not be cool

I feel like Trump would goddamn lose his mind in a Michael's

"Eggo waffles are a part of a balanced breakfast" The balanced breakfast:

Actual Irish Person Brían O'Byrne having to look her in the face while she does that is a hate crime.

Glad we won, and now we finally get to stop hearing republicans complain about mamdani

We should change the name of the bridge just to really kick him in the balls

Do other countries have chili?

A lot happened in 5 minutes, huh?

I thought my dog had allergies but I think he just sucks

This is the picture Mark Zuckerberg looks at when he injects himself with HGH

same!

Am i still allowed to say "Pimp"?

Is listening to the same song a million times in a row a neurodivergent thing or am I just boring?

The reaction to Dick Cheney's death makes me fear that by the time Trump goes we will have somehow moved onto an even greater evil and won't properly celebrate

Real talk: Dick Cheney was only 84...?