it pays to be sweet and nice bc everyone keeps giving us free drinks and they don’t even know it’s our honeymoon!

at the beach here i am no better than a man 😔

uber driver said i pronounce “boa noite” and “todo bem” perfectly. now just need to learn every other portuguese word

the guy that babysat the sorting machine at the post office. when they got a new machine he retired instead of learning it

my favorite thing in brazil is when they ask us something and we think we ask for the check and nod but instead they bring us two more beers

nice

trey is like one of those truffle dogs but instead he sniffs out kebab spots everywhere he goes

went to a shopping mall that’s just 12 floors of bikinis

me on vacation in brazil (very wise), laughing at the people on vacation in dubai (very dumb): haha

rio de janeiro 💗

people in brazil apparently shower a lot and tbh i get it. im at 2 a day minimum

the record store has chairs for tired wives to sit in while their husbands contemplate putting us into bankruptcy

trey has been trying to go to this record store by where we are staying for 2 days and each time the door is locked and there’s a sign that says we are open! and a whatsapp number so you text the number and the guy answers at his leisure an hour later like “i’m here!”

shoutout to the two nuns in the mall in botafogo, rio carrying a bag from the crocs store

there are subways everywhere for those with eyes to see

went to a samba tonight and must reiterate this

the usa just doesn’t have The Juice im sorry

😊

my dad asked me if our honeymoon was all inclusive. i think this whole time he was picturing sandals jamaica but in brazil.

my dad asked me if our honeymoon was all inclusive. i think this whole time he was picturing sandals jamaica but in brazil.

✅ passport ✅ e-visa ✅ boarding pass time 2 goooo 🇧🇷

carnaval is over so marina sena is posting about…. naruto????

my job is so unserious. last week i was on a zoom call and i watched a guy light a cigarette on camera. indoors!

encountered a gaggle of gen z girls at a party last weekend. they are so precious. one of them kept calling me “slay bob.”

in the spirit of the year of the horse, if i get a tummy ache this year i’ll just die

breaking into the last wedding bottle (of bbq sauce)

following brazilian pop girlies on ig during carnaval is fun, they are down there doing their big one

if benito and gabriela get back together for real i will take it as a sign that the world can heal

if you’re sending money back and forth between your literal spouse on venmo at least set it to private

also i need people to stop asking why lady gaga was there. in my experience many puerto rican functions have a token white girl trying to salsa. i filled this role at my friend’s aunt’s wedding when i was 12

can’t stop thinking about how benito stopped both eeo and el apagon before they got filthy but kept in safaera “if your boyfriend doesn’t eat your ass he better fuck off”

a pony, his big blanket (brrrrr), his fly mask (uv protection), and his giant bale of hay

Many many many women’s phones rn lmao

Sick of this!

my dad is on facebook posting comments on posts from an account called Everybody Loves Raymond Fanpage

the remainder of my work week is canceled. do i get back into the sims or what

"this soda has 7 grams of protein" and this earth has fallen into irreversible corruption

only took 4 days but i busted my ass on the ice walking the dog (i’m fine)

immediately yes

nothing but respect for our troops* *grocery store staff before a weekend snow storm

guy at the grocery store asked me if i was in my 20s (unprompted). i was like no i’m 35 and he goes “oh you look good for 35” lol ok? thank you?

south baltimore

this year will mark 12 (!!!) years since i got my best little buddy gus

the coffee shop is selling something called a cragel

a few small bears

eating georgian 🇬🇪 food in maryland

I will read every interview with Heated Rivalry writer and director Jacob Tierney because his quotes are truly a reporter's dream: www.rollingstone.com/music/music-...

doing 90’s nostalgia content yearning for life before the department of homeland security