paul sheer why do you follow me

let’s remember some barbecue

Congrats to the Crutchfield sisters on achieving their final form and simply becoming Guided by Voices snocaps.bandcamp.com/track/coast

CHOTINER: Interesting. And did you in fact share the family-sized bag of Reese’s Pumpkins? ME: (biting into a cyanide pill) Nice try you sneaky motherfucker

wife said she wouldn’t see bane with me because “i don’t need to see you in that environment, it would be bad for our marriage”

after the louvre got robbed how many people do you think said “sacré bleu!!!”

made 2 gallons of borscht and cabbage pirozhki sorry ladies i’m taken

when i stand in a specific spot in my kitchen, it triggers a loud electrical hum sound, that’s fine and normal right?

i think we all agree that making him an honorary real house wife is fine and what we need as a nation

Welcome to Bluesky, Twitter refugees! 🙂 Methinks you have a thing or two to learn as you explore your new home 😜 We call posts skeets! 😂 There's no ads... yet! 😅 A few people can't take a joke, but that's alright 🙃 you're also allowed to threaten the mods with hammers 🔨

about to see the second best band from appleton, wisconsin (dusk)

not my boss coming to my desk while i’m watching a youtube video titled “guided meditation for anxiety and obsessive thoughts”

really disappointed that Atlanta isnt being mentioned amongst other war ravaged cities. living ITP used to mean something

i can’t drink full strength juice anymore man, i gotta cut that shit with tap water, i just can’t party like i used to

my therapist keeps trying to get me to do ketamine. she doesn’t seem to think i’d really benefit therapeutically but she keeps insisting i’d have a lot of fun

A lot of people I know are going the “actually I’m getting rid of all social media” route and that’s fine I love that for them but here’s the thing about me: if i stop posting i will die

karen has instituted a rule that i am no longer to introduce any new concepts or ideas to her. she has reached her limit for new things to know.

werner herzog within 5 minutes of being on conan o’briens podcast “have you heard of this ‘parkmobile’ telephone application? it is my hell”

seeing bob mould and just getting absolutely disgusted at my own guitar tone. sickening.

Been really into this russian travel youtuber recently. His videos are almost entirely just him traveling around the world in order to hop freight trains and dodge the police. It really speaks to a certain part of my soul.

karen told me that they don’t actually call horses by those crazy ass names when they’re not racing, they have normal nicknames like “Ricky.” I think that shouldn’t be allowed, I think you should have to call them “Sir Foxhat Superior” no matter what

i got a new therapist and i keep forgetting if id mentioned to her all the wild shit that’s happened in my life. and i feel like every week i casually reference some insane event i thought i had previously mentioned and today she finally sighed and was like “you can’t keep doing this, ok back up”

reciting the posting prayer 🙏

(going on the news after someone tried to assassinate a presidential candidate but I just caught my neighbor Gary talking shit about my lawn at the HOA meeting) It was probably my neighbor, Gary

I wanna be in SLC I wanna see if the manhunt is trusty I wanna scream “Forget Ep-stein!” I wanna look with Dan Bongino

occasionally my co-workers will ask me what the difference is between DC and Baltimore vibe-wise and I have a tough time explaining it but i think i’m just gonna show them these two reddit posts instead of attempting to describe it

this is gonna ruin 9/11 this year

getting started on planning my trip to brazil

asking if they have any vegan options at the maryland state fair dairy barn and getting shot on the spot

isn’t there someone you forgot to ask?? (the united states postal service)

he’s gone to check out trinidad and bladensburg because he heard the vibe at jimmy valentine’s is unmatched by anything in NW

Day two of being completely unable to think about anything other than Winnie Greco’s bag of chips

i’ve given 14th and U St NW a lot of grief over the years but based on what i’ve seen so far i am willing to call a temporary truce

good day to not work in local government anymore

i know like 2/3rds of my feed would be interested to know that there is a new algernon cadwallader song

at the savannah bananas game and a foul ball was hit in the row directly in front of mine and saw karen’s life flash before her eyes

i say this as a southerner, the stamina that people in Oklahoma have at talking is absolutely fucking astounding.

i don’t believe in the concept of satan or even god for that matter but i do believe with all my heart that the labubu has a satanic spirit

i’ve had 3 beers feel free to ask me anything about the mail

meanwhile directly across the street we evacuated our building today because someone left something in a microwave for too long and it set off the fire alarms

Ohhhhh my god u are a wood fired pizza pop-up at a brewery that uses locally sourced ingredients and fresh whole milk mozzarella? should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party?should we invite bella hadid.

NOTHIN BETTER THAN LIVE TV

welcome back gawker

biggest knock against the state of Maryland is that it’s solidly within the Sublime belt

damn she was right tho

have to take my straight husband to the straight husband convention this weekend (dinosaur jr show)

wazzzaaaa dude happy birthday lol 😝 hope you’re having a good one wish i was there Also we all know the secret we share. Into the depths of darkness men like us tread. The hunger that drives us away from the light.

*in the most annoying voice imaginable* in Dinosaur Jr’s live album “Live From The Middle East”, the band plays a version of their 1987 song “The Lung” which in this 2005 rendition has a 2 minute and 25 second guitar solo which makes up exactly 43.37% of the song’s duration