breaking into jay leno's empty post-rapture mansion. it's so still, the laughter is gone. i see a pile of pristine, never-touched Tonight Show money. I look to the sky and a tear runs down my cheek

Call me Icarus the way I’m regretting these hot wings

Alas, poor Florick! I knew him, skeeters, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent reassembly.

Do you REMEMBAH

Show your appreciation of the late and much respected actor Peter Cushing with these beautiful boxer shorts from T€mu. 😳

Jack Ryan giving me advice about social media: “if they ask are you white say ‘no I’m really white’. If they ask ‘are you really white’ say ‘I’m so white the moon gives me a sunburn’. If they ask ‘does the moon give you a sunburn’ say ‘Dracula told me he’s worried I’m too pale’. It ends the story”

Oh I guess I'll just sing my own jaunty tune when the rice is done. 🙄

Global warming is caused by a decrease in piracy

I guess it's time to stop using Chrome, huh

I voted, grudgingly, for Carney to stand up to Trump, not to stand with Bibi Netanyahu. I stand with Kneecap

bing chilling

blarp

Becoming increasingly clear we’re gonna have to build a parallel infrastructure for all the media we really love. The reason all of this is happening under the color of law is hyperconsolidation, dissent being traded straight up for merger approval, or fear of harassment.

kind of surreal night, highway driving in the dark, catching quick bites of costco pepperoni pizza without looking down, listening to a woman on cbc talk about how her brother's death in air india 182 affected her family, gulp of coca cola from one of those sippy cup lidded waxed beverage containers

Toad found some rope in the cellar.

23% reduction in mind melds, 250% increase in phaser blasts, holodeck budget zeroed out

ZEFIREL1.BMF

family circus

When someone asks how I'm doing

munster hamlet 🤔

The evil that men do lives after them

computer end hands

catching up on things by starting season 2 of bionic woman a lot of people don't know that aliens brought Bigfoot to earth and mind-controlled him

Nearly every commentator: Look, I don't know anything, but I know enough to confirm my prior beliefs and to invalidate yours.

lol

Napoleon had lost his rizz, but Wellington understood the assignment

What a really beautiful and chaste-looking mouth!

everyone reacts this way when they watch PBS, right?

zomg Lidia made timballo

“We cannot let our adversaries see the price on these hot dogs.”

The creator of Father Ted and Big Train having to work with Rob Schneider and Andrew Doyle is a greater punishment than the British judiciary could ever mete out.

forgot I started this

PIZZA.BMF

wire mother

dudent striver

this happened to me

surely you're jelqing, mr. feynman

rap about it

😤

mutually tonsured monkstruction