I’m starting to think my wife believes we live in the Central Time Zone as she’s always ready to leave an hour after the time she’s said we need to leave. ⏰

When packing for a trip, how many times per day should I plan to shit myself? I am 48 years old.

The more time I spend with my mother, the more I think (and hope 🤞) that I was adopted.

Today’s lunch has convinced me to name my future band Hot Cheese and the Yellow Mustard. Now: 1. What style(s) of music will we play? 2. Who will be our influences?

At the risk of being called crazy (if anyone actually gives a fuck about the Red Sox), the way the media is portraying the gap between Bregman and Arenado is way overblown. Arenado’s BA was an outlier last year - otherwise, they have the same career average…

Dear Omnipotent Sky Daddy, Please let the sudden, violent intestinal episode I just experienced be a singular occurrence. The holiday spirits of 325 children are dependent upon my not being glued to a porcelain fixture tomorrow BeerDad774

In a new low even for this off season, the Red Sox just got cucked by the White Sox signing Munetaka Murakami. But the Red Sox want you to know they were “interested”.

Hoping my back situation improves by tomorrow mostly so I don’t have to explain how I injured myself while cooking.

When you’re buzzed, you can crank the TENS unit up a few notches.

Barely noon and I’ve already been involved in cooking, laundry, plumbing, auto maintenance, lamp repair and union negotiations.

It appears the team with the racist name has lost again.

Tree tent has made a repeat appearance this year - and Oreo (and black cat Minnie) is already inside.

I have learned to cope with the number of unreasonable requests that are constantly made of me.

Kind of wondering when I’ll reach my breaking point.

I see you @sb67.bsky.social

Jaxson Dart reminds me of Johnny Manziel. Except Johnny Manziel had raging drug and alcohol problems to explain the reckless shit he did on the field.

You know shit is fucked up when Jets fans are feeling embarrassed for Giants fans.

Update: upon closer inspection, the storm and your mom have been downgraded.

Your mom and the snow forecast for tomorrow have something in common. Both have been called “plowable”.

Looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. This Thanksgiving “break” wasn’t much of a break.

Do I dare ask @profanity.accountant?

The team with the racist name lost. Happy Thanksgiving!

As we all prepare to spend time with our loved ones, I re-share this sentiment with you as a reminder of the magic of the holidays.

Your mother’s favorite hockey team is the Worcester Railers.

In exchange for Sonny Gray, the Cardinals receive Dick Fitts. You’re welcome, Missouri. www.espn.com/mlb/player/_...

How did I manage to pull a muscle in my ass? Wrong answers only.

Drank 3.5 beers in quick succession for the first time in weeks while on meds that slow my digestion and I feel like I’m going to hurl. 🤮

Thankful MTG is resigning on January 5 but kind of anxious about what her plans may be for her first day off.

If someone offered the Red Sox a bag of limp dicks for Triston Casas, they should take the deal and offer to return the empty bag.

Don’t care that the Patriots have company at 9-2 in the AFC. It’s always a good day when the team with the racist name loses.

There have been 8 US Presidents that have died in office: *WH Harrison 1841 *Z Taylor 1850 *A Lincoln 1865 *J Garfield 1881 *W McKinley 1901 *W Harding 1923 *F Roosevelt 1945 *J Kennedy 1963 There were 52 years from Washington’s election to Harrison’s death. It’s been 62 years since Kennedy…

I’ve never been more certain that someone has never had a woman voluntarily/ consciously/ willingly have sex with them. www.wcvb.com/article/bu-s...

Fucking hate that tonight’s game is on the Bezos Box.

Found out today that most major insurers will stop covering GLP-1 weight management drugs (except in cases of diabetes) in the new year. Love how those motherfuckers can decide not to cover entire classes of drugs because they cut into corporate profits.

Repost with an iconic fictional band.

Kicked out of the house on the first day of the season to dip into the 30s presents a great opportunity to get some Pho and dumplings. At PhoEver on Park Ave in the Woo 🙂

Had to leave my house for a bit for everyone’s safety and well being.

Mamdani is about to impose Charcuterie Law. All NY’ers will partake in the communal act of eating deliciously curated meat, cheese, fruit and vegetables platters.

I liked Bob Kraft better when he was just committing sex crimes. nesn.com/2025/11/robe...

Empire Strikes Back is clearly the best Star Wars movie ever made - but every time I watch it, I wish there was a little more Hoth and a little less Degobah.

Let them eat…nothing. WTF?

Why am I watching a show about Norwegian tow truck drivers?

Here’s your chance to hire a 90s music icon.

🌲

Not ready to launch into the Christmas season yet, but do love the email from my dispensary with a “holiday gift guide”.

There was a game 7 of the World Series last night and the lead story on every major sports site today is week 9 regular season football. Hey MLB:

Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I’ve reached the stage of life where I can’t appreciate your tits if I don’t first appreciate your worldview.

Used that extra hour to prep beef stew and homemade meatballs for dinners later in the week.

This reminds me, how’s your mother been?