Just saw this commercial. Didn’t think it could be real…but it is. m.youtube.com/watch?v=On-y...

This cat is passed the FUGOUT

The Godfather is on TV. Respect dictates that I watch it for the 4 millionth time.

Neymar just acted like a little bitch.

While reading hockey transaction news: “I put up 40 points on your mother’s bottom six last night!” What is wrong with me?

The guy is fucking incapable of making a speech appropriate for an occasion.

Hahaha…his speech starts out explaining why the crowd is small.

As I try to get Canadian citizenship, I think about those who made long and arduous journeys to Canada’s shores in search of a better life there. I have spent a couple of hours with my mom and have had to request documents from Quebec. Somehow months in the steerage compartment don’t seem so bad

I started the day by clipping the lawn so that when the country burns down, at least my yard will look good. 🔥🚜

We’re going to fireworks Sunday night - mostly for my kid. Personally, I’m having a really hard time feeling even the slightest bit patriotic this year.

Going to put pen to paper today to begin my application for proof of Canadian citizenship. I hope to gather all of the supporting documents and submit the application next week. I am genuinely excited.

Philadelphia’s GM to Brad Stevens:

Take that team Bosnia-Herzegovina! Now cry as you are forced to return to your beautiful country that is a blend of the picturesque Alps and temperate Mediterranean landscapes!

Not my Huey Lewis, not my News.

I call this magnetic art piece that I built at the Children’s Museum “Deez Nuts”🔩

The Lakers to LeBron:

The hotel we are staying at for the next couple of nights has Crabtree and Evelyn Herbal Renewal body wash in the shower. I now smell like a gussied up whore.

And THIS is why Al Gore invented the internet.

Began today with the greatest joy of home ownership: finding out a problem is going to cost $3500 to patch and up to $20000 to replace. Got to keep my thoughts on all the equity we’ve built.

What’s it like inside your head?

Unsolicited deck pic.

I am sure I don’t look nearly this cute when I’m woken up from a nap. Little shit.

My father listened to a particular brand of country: the Oak Ridge Boys, the Statler Brothers, Larry Gatlin, etc. My mother listened to music typical of the Lawrence Welk Show…Connie Francis for dayssss.

Spent the day seal coating my nearly 4000 square foot driveway. Passed a good hour of the time wondering what Bonita Applebum might be up to these days.

They are multiplying.

Tell your mom to call me. 📞

Me to my incredulous wife: “Im sure lots of people climb up on a 28 foot ladder to clear the gutters in the middle of a rainstorm.” 🪜 🌧️ 🤪

A little piece of me dies knowing that many of the skills and fundamentals I was taught in 18 years of goaltending will never be seen again in the NHL. So long skate save.

Cleaned out our garage, shed and (outdoor) storage room this weekend. Just about filled a 10 yard dumpster. I’m going to try not to acquire so much “stuff” going forward.

Didn’t give my own father - not out of spite but simply because of moving on - even a passing thought today until just now. I think that’s healing.

The best part of buying a house with an in-law apartment where your mother lives rent free is that unhinged guilt trips are only a few steps away.

My goodness that is a large cock.

Listening to a football podcast; just heard new Patriots receiver Romeo Doubs described as a “big slot”. On a related note, say “hi” to your mother for me.

I make a soccer/STD joke and NOTHING????

Quick research about tonight’s World Cup match says Ghana’s strength is their back line defense. Opposing teams fear the Ghana rear.

Looking at outboard motors and struck by how much innuendo is packed into boat motor lingo. Two stroke, four stroke, long shaft, mount…

Many parents wouldn’t understand that i sometimes have to put myself on the other side of a locked door when my 9 year old daughter is having an aggressive outburst. I wouldn’t have understood either before my daughter came into our lives. #autism

I whisper in your ear mid coitus..

Two things have happened that have made this reluctant American give a tiny shit about soccer: 1. The NYK won the NBA Championship proving basketball is truly dead. 2. The TARTAN ARMY has arrived in Massachusetts! Go Scotland! Clan MacDuff!

For today’s edition of Watch This and Feel Old, I present the Violent Femmes live m.youtube.com/watch?v=pzIk...

I wear good shoes but it is still such a joy to take shoes and socks off at the end of a long work day.

*to the Pink Floyd melody* “I have become Unintentionally Drunk.”

I read the news everyday to feel better about all of the years hot dogs are taking off of my life.

Sure, Jolene was a knockout but did she know when to stfu?

Saw my BIL today for the first time in nearly 10 years. The last time we spoke I told him that I’d snap his neck. Oddly enough, he stayed on the opposite side of the event from me and excused himself as quickly as humanly possible.

Nigella Lawson saying “spatchcock” is my kink.

I knew Con Air was bad - but watching the last 45 minutes just now reminded me exactly HOW bad it really was.

You’d hardly believe route 93 is in view, the Central Artery is a stone’s throw away, and its rush hour. Stolen moments of peace.