Just a little something to take the edge off *I take a puff off my prescription inhaler*

it is incredible that the entire high level legal apparatus of the United States is "anything that helps people is impossible, anything that kills people is permitted"

It's a big day for those fluent in the good grammar of civility looking to deploy decorum to mask agendas of cruelty

my new year's resolution is to conquer death

Every mystery game is either Blue Prince or Disco Elysium. Lorelei and the Laser Eyes? Blue Prince. AI: the Somnium Files? Disco Elysium. Despite having a bumbling, wife-guy protagonist, the Monkey Island series is Blue Prince.

I know this is long but I strongly encourage you to read this incredible reply chain, which contains two buzzer-beater contenders for Post Of The Year.

music for completing the year

damn that baby looks cool as hell

merry christmas! today i learned my catholic filipino mom used to be protestant, which i didn't know was legal for filipinos could be

The flight marshal is executing me in the aisle of this Boeing

The tinier Tim gets the more immortal he gets. There is a Tim the size of a hydrogen atom who will see the death of the universe

Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.

“This picture is so me” no it isn’t. You are an adult human. This is a frog in a cowboy hat.

Getting to leave my laptop at work on Mondays and buying a burrito for dinner so for a few minutes I get to pretend I have a dedicated burrito backpack >>>

It’s called capital punishment because it should be given to capitalists

Apocalypse Now but it’s the war on Christmas

Born too late to openly drink in the office, born too early to see the consequences of my boss encouraging scientists to use ChatGPT for their abstracts

Clippy with a large, distended belly, next to a yes/no dialogue box that reads “It’s yours. Do you want to take responsibility?”

My hot take about philosophy is they should’ve killed Socrates sooner

Funny animal videos no longer being trustworthy just fucking sucks all around. I love the wonder of animal behavior and what it says about the experience of being alive. It's because it happened in reality that it's so fun. It's not fun if it was just made up. There's no wonder there.

The cell company advertising unlimited high speed internet when you try to use the high speed internet

Whether it’s trans rights, or genocide funding, or all sorts of corrupt corporate laws, there’s only so many times you can fuck over your voters before you make yourselves our enemy. It’s madness to think you deserve unconditional support just for sometimes being a bit better than actual Nazis.

soft boiled detective [gazing out the window]: lookit the little puppy in da sweater

Is there a gig economy app for hiring a fucked up little jester

🎶 You better not pout 🎶 🎶 You better not cry 🎶 🤨 You better not cry 🤨 🔫 You better not cry 🔫

The Virgin Mary and the Chad Joseph

lord, the white boys you made to say inshallah are now saying i've met them at a very chinese point in their life

"it's the world we live in, guys" -geoff keighley

(punching a meek guy in the stomach) inherit this asshole

DayQuil Jell-O shots

huge thank you to our brave resistance democrats for throwing away all their leverage during the shutdown in exchange for this vote they knew would fail, heckuva job guys!

google maps (punching me in the stomach): fastest route is uber me: but i want to take the subway google maps (throwing me across the room): 2 buses and a transfer would save 4 minutes me: i like subway google maps (kicking me in the head): biking is 45 seconds faster me: underground choo-choo

Thinking about a big bowl of soup

brushing my teeth for 30 minutes before a dentist's appointment like i'm cramming for a test

Subway sandwiches used to be five dollars for a foot-long. Now a six-inch is $120 and they punch you in the mouth too!

Isn’t laufey that dude from one piece

Me except having the first 8 bars of my WIP music tracks looping endlessly

Mountain Dew Blahaj Blast

My most authoritarian belief is that bicyclists who bike at speed on the sidewalk should be put in reeducation camps

Bus driver kicked me off the bus because he “had a dorcter’s appoinrment,” he left me by the side of the road and drove straight into the fens

Cover band of The Cardigans called the Sex Cardigans and their hit parody song, Fuckfool

I got so stoned at a Mets game once I compared the Jumbotron to the top screen of a Nintendo DS bc it had “a bunch of useful contextual information” and the field to the bottom screen bc “it’s where the game is actually played”

@lilalienz4ever.bsky.social check out this little guy

when people say friendslop they mean the game de-emphasises itself to facilitate better functioning as social space. which ironically usually means having way less slop (progression systems and live service bullshit)

“Im here for a good time, not a long time” I say, gazing at the 880 calorie 7 eleven cheesecake

we must abolish ICE