On a joke per minute basis the new Naked Gun is the funniest film of all time

Me: "I promise I won't get political" Me, literally 5 mins later:

Every so often I'll try and re-connect with my parents and talk to them about like, current events etc and about 47 seconds afterwards I am always without failure reminded as to why I dis-connected in the first place

Of course her initials are KLAN

I feel like I'm the only person in the world who hates cars I HATE THEM I hate cars!!! I hate driving!!! I hate being around them!!! I hate how just going for a walk has turned into a game of Frogger if you want to walk 5 metres to the other side!!! I hate cars!!! I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE CARS!!!!!!!!!

Insane that even with all he did, Dick Cheney isn't mentioned in the Epstein Files. No noncing, just the love of the game. Orthodox stance evil

Please CHRIST look at the UK; Starmer’s Labour didn’t win the last election; the Conservatives lost it. The thing to do is to *BURN AWAY* Schumer, Jeffries et al through direct action, protests, primaries. You and I are in charge (sorry! but also: congrats!) Catch up with us, Dems, or be retired.

One day boycotts aren't effective at all, it's basically just telling them this day is gonna be a low traffic day. I do support the thinking behind the Shutdown, but it's like refusing to buy off Amazon on Prime Day, yeah cool but it doesn't really count if you ... still buy off Amazon the day after

5 jobs I've had!!!! Taking phone orders for a takeaway Amazon warehouse staff Tesco home shopping Refugee & immigration caseworker Renewable energy specialist

Hello friends After an unfortunately long period of Wanting To Die™ I've decided to start writing again If you'd like to read my first novel, "The Iron Banner", feel free via the link below Let me know what you think ❤️ www.wattpad.com/story/323317...

I know plenty of people with bipolar and BPD and none of them said "I love Hitler" and sold merchandise with a fucking swastika on it fuck Kanye and fuck shitty scumbag people trying to use their mental health diagnoses for being a shitty scumbag person

I think we as a society have evolved past the need for Jared Leto.

Crazy that my brother lost 9 feet of intestines and half a dozen friends doing nothing in particular in Afghanistan

Heated Rivalry is relentlessly unbelievably gay but still somehow only half as gay as Interview with the Vampire

I think using AI to generate a profile picture for yourself and then accepting compliments on it is a level of delusion that people used to get pelted with tomatoes for

The XMAs did not present me with the award for Male Creator of the Year so I have decided to annex Michigan

Diva cup overfloweth

Actually life is beautiful and I have time

Incredible and deeply haunting video on the current state of the Russo-Ukrainian War youtube.com/watch?v=9rKu...

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple is really good and I thoroughly enjoyed it I rate it 8 out of 12 inches I mean 12 inches I mean Google how do I get infected with the Rage Virus but only on my dick I mean

Annoyed that I literally fell asleep on the sofa but now cant sleep in bed -_-

My niece was complaining about the Stranger Things finale being a bit shite and she said to me "has that ever happened to you? A show you really liked suddenly mucks it all up in the last season for no reason?" and I just started staring off into the middle distance real glassy eyed and quiet

It's me burfday 2day

"You know, the problem with the Waffen-SS is they're just not trained in community policing and de-escalation" That's what you fucking people sound like right now

You'll post something innocuous about the weather being cold and some fucking yank will reply like "ha! That's nothing, this is how cold it is where I am" why are you providing me this information? Do you want me to exalt you as the colder person? Jesus wept shut the fuck up I do not care

"Bread and circuses" doesn't really apply when they stopped giving people bread because they don't want "freeloaders" and they only put on 1 circus every 3 years & even then it's a dogshit circus

All the kids talk about 6 7 but no one talks about Forty Six & 2, released in 1997 by the band Too

2025 has felt like being awake during surgery but despite it all I am still extremely sexy, cool & shaggable. I know in the next 365 to come you're all going to, somehow, be even more sexy & cool than you all already are. I love you all so much, I hope to be lucky enough to be there alongside you.

AI is allowing us to pursue ventures never before thought possible, like industrializing the scam industry & automating sexual harassment, and all it costs is a Manhattan Project of capital investment every week and the entire energy output of a middle income country

Another way AI leads to suicide is that hearing people talk about it makes you want to jump into a jet engine

I am full of carbs rn

"Why do I feel like shit?" I ask after eating nothing but sugar, fat, and carbs for 3 straight days

@infieldflygrl.online happy birthday!!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!! 😁❤️

People seem to re-discover that Nicki Minaj is a piece of shit every 6 months

Merry Christmas, all For anyone that has a difficult time around the holidays, may the day land gently ❤️

Big things. Good news ❤️ www.instagram.com/p/DSp4wFDjLM...

Logan Paul never gets enough shit for the suicide forest thing. If there was any justice in the world that would have been the end of his career

New Avatar is great but unfortunately it has reaffirmed the fact I would risk it all for a psychopathic evil woman

Gotten emotional thinking about the Voyager probe's golden record. Imagine if aliens found it and sent one back of their own

miscellaneous unc, shoot your poison upon this wretched thing

White boys aren't making music like Powerman 5000 anymore. That's why we've lost our way

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Left him looking like Little Nicky

My brother bought a very young dog that isn't even house-trained, when he and his ex-wife both work full-time, and he's shocked the dog has shit all over the house & trashed the place Skull full of ice cubes

SAM LAKE I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CODED MESSAGES DAVID ZASLAV WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE THE MORNING I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP CONTROL 2 HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED

CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2 CONTROL 2

CONTROL 2