The worst part about getting out of bed is getting out of bed

I endured a horrifying ordeal today and I barely survived to tell the tale (I heard my own voice in a recording)

bigfoot is just normalsizedfoot to people with big feet

Thinking of getting into sports. To be one of those people who comes to the office and talks about My Team, beefing with others over The Game.. magical

I sent a pic of a spider to a new friend and she freaked out. I'm not sure this is gonna work out

Hangnails are evidence that god does not exist

Good morning

I'm gonna donate my body to science, but not human science. Gonna donate this fucker to nuclear physics

NyQuil should have THC and alcohol in it, imagine the world we're missing out on

Using my little screen in front of the big screen just like god intended

I ate gummy bears on my birthday and now my tummy has hurt for 18 hours since then

Going to work because home can't hurt me there

I just need a freaking nap

The world is unfair and cruel to queer people and it's fucking exhausting to exist in

This GOOD BOY ran onto the course during the Women’s Cross-Country Skiing Team Sprint event, crossing the finish line and being automatically recorded by OMEGA’s photofinish camera 😆

DOG AT THE OLYMPICS FULL COMPETITION HIGHLIGHTS

The Counterpart is an astonishingly fucking good book. Gold Hills series highly recommended. Mob drama, lesbian romance, violence, a plot that twists so much it doubles back on itself, kinky lesbian sex, more violence, and a feel good ending. Ruby Landers outdid herself!

I immediately scoffed when I saw chick fil a had a heart shaped tray of nuggets for Valentine's Day. "What kind of idiot would want that?" I thought. Me. I'm that kind of idiot. I want that. That is my love language.

L character, presented without comment

hey babe, wanna spoon on the beanbag?

Child at the podium: “A woo woo woo.” Mamdani: That’s how I felt when we came up with this plan. Together, we will expand the idea of what is possible in our city—and what sounds and noises we can make at a press conference.

I can finally use the bathroom at work after almost 5 months 🥹😭

Been crying a lot about dinosaurs lately if anyone’s wondering how my mental health is.

In my coughing-up-stuff era

AI is a huge game changer for the most unemployed person you know

I'm starting to think USB is kinda cool... I mean, it even has TMC for 488.2-style instruments, and you can do really high speeds... but on the other hand, god gave us FireWire, and he saw that it was good. Or whatever they say in genesis. I dunno I just like IEEE 1394 ok sue me

new trade deal: you give me everything i want i sit there and look pretty

You died before you got to meet the real me, and that hurts more than anything else

My country is an insane, kleptocratic, kakistocratic, fascist hellhole but only because of like 30% of its people. Our leader is one of the dumbest in history and losing what little was left. Majority party too evil and cowardly to stop him when just like 4 of them could. And I have to go to work?

I have obviously felt uncomfortable with how things have gone for the last year in the U.S., but the last few months have made it so much worse. This is the first time I've ever felt genuinely scared that I may be attacked by my own government over something so basic as my gender or sexuality.

My dad didn't answer my FaceTime call, do you guys think he wants to disown me

Fritos are for the girls

When you're reading a romance and there's a character that shares your name but instead of a wholesome fun self insert she's the crazy bitch ex 😢

When I got home there was a big ass spider on the wall in my garage and I had to pee so I ran inside before I could identify it and I came out and it was gone. Now I'm sad because I wanted to welcome it to the family :(( come back my sweet child

Fight me, bitch. I'll lose

I hate the very specific feeling of anticipation you get from joining a virtual visit with your doctor and just waiting for them to show up. It's not really an anxiety thing, it's just... what do I do with my hands? Should I be reading a book?

Taking melatonin is like doing acid for your dreams I think. Every time I take melatonin I have the most batshit crazy dreams...

I’ve contracted sleepy girl syndrome and it’s terminal

My first CYO @effinbirds.com of the year. Asked the spouse for the adjective without context. Feel it's an accurate description of the news this morning.

tooting has to be one of my favorite things to do with my own horn

Monstarrr by Ennaria is my anthem going into 2026

need to know this video is on this website

I have this new issue where every time I start to pee I have an instant of panic that I'm not at a toilet and I'm peeing somewhere I shouldn't be, what have I done to deserve this

New year's melancholy is real

guy who pronounces ".png" as "dot pinge"

I had a dream about edibles, does this mean anything

day one in mamdani’s new york

Why do they make waterproof makeup so hard to remove with water 🤔