The human body is terribly made and mine feels like it was delivered from Temu

Men’s pants: Your waist is 30 inches, therefore you are a size 30. Women’s pants: Your waist is bad inches, you have wide hips, a small butt, short legs, a long torso, a prehensile tail, and we don’t like your face. Therefore you are a size whatever the fuck we want, but only at this store.

There was no AI in the making of this cover. I made those things and stuffed them into my shorts and up my top with my own two hands 🙌 Hope you like the result 😊

Felt cute, might delete later ✨🤫

Me, October 1st:

*psst* 👻 BOO! */psst*

Hot Girl Summer is over. Welcome to Witch Woman Autumn.

Clearly “Earth, Wind, and Fire” did not do a good enough job getting y’all to remember that it’s the 21st of September…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bookmarks and keychains now available for purchase ☺️ ko-fi.com/andreareads

The universe is attacking me again.. 😭

Live your life in such a way that, when you die, people directly quoting you does’t sound like a personal attack on your character.

2025’s official slogan is “It Gets Worse.”

Me: Your dog is gorgeous. How much does he weigh? Dog mom: 190 pounds. Me: (110 pounds imagining riding on a giant dog) Yes that will do nicely.

(づ•ᴗ•)づᯓ🍑 Right?? 🤔

I’m so tired of never being bored.

I know better than to place hope of any kind anywhere near Donald Trump, but we can all accept that it’s deeply weird that he, the most extremely online edgelord that ever fascismed, was simply unaware of one of the biggest stories on the internet for three straight days.

New pickup line for 2025: hey babe, wanna split bills? 😏

Cognitive dissonance is going to kill us all Wheeeee 🤷‍♀️

Obsessed with this obviously youtu.be/03iBgkXb1EE?...

So anyways.. Those Epstein files, huh? 🫤

There is a crime wave in DC deploy the National Guard to the Oval Office

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

STAT!

AwooooOooOOoO

the older i get, oh fuck no.

Felt cute. Might delete later. 🥺👉👈(😁)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

It’s a full moon. Make sure to spoil the weirdest women you know.

Meet the new CEO of X: this ouija board that speaks directly to Hitler's ghost

If you’re shocked to find out Superman is an immigrant, then not only are you a fake comic fan, but you’re also at the highest level of abject stupidity. Did you think his biological parents, Jor-El & Lara Lor-Van, named him “Superman” too? Jesus Christ.

"Yes, X is possessed by an evil robot that its nazi owner programmed to scream out support for Hitler at random intervals, but sometimes on Bluesky people say my jokes aren't funny. So who's to decide which is worse?"

PSA: 🚨👵 I got varifocal glasses today.. .. so it is now ✨ILLEGAL✨ to be mean to me

Schrödinger’s Client List

Happy impedance (not a typo) day to the remaining sane 'muricans! 🗽 Please fix it. 😵‍💫

Happy Independence from your human rights, constitutional rights, healthcare, and economic future …Day.

My sex tape is just me in a blanket fort eating tiny pieces of cheese and watching Star Trek: Voyager on repeat.. .. *cough* with company *cough*

thug life

i don’t care how old you are you’re never too old to dance around your bedroom singing into a hairbrush.

I see deer out back a lot, but I’ve never seen one do this!