yup lol

There Is A Djinn Delaying My Train

bros liabilities are greater than his total assets 😬😬😬

They should make an app that makes your phone screen rough like sandpaper

definitely check out youtube if you get the chance

Every ad now: Our legal department wants us DEAD! Our bosses said it’s, “into the wood chipper” with us! The shareholders’ hunting dogs are nipping at our blistered heels! Because guess what: we’ve just made our leggings TOO SOFT!

so basically this became a soup with incredible healing properties.

there inventing a new type of wringer. to put me through of course. but it goes without saying (it’s purpose that is)

doing thsi with a dayquil capsule

You swing your pick at the rock. You manage to mine some iron. You swing your pick at the rock. You manage to mine some iron. You swing your pick at the rock. You manage to mine some iron. You swing your pick at the rock. You manage to mine some iron. You swing your pick at the rock.

in the culver's i'm like princess diana

(at the bar) (sudden moment of clarity) i should be at home working on My Spreadsheet

i am going to start testing nuclear weapons

when it comes to peanut amounts it’s hard to beat the all time classic serving size

MY TUMMY HURTS!!!!

You've never had a reuben like this if you eat this magical berry

lababu

by the time you're 25 you need to be: - burning the top of your mouth on pizza - burning your esophagus on pizza - not letting pizza cool before you eat it - taking a bite of the pizza before its cool enough to eat

mcdonald's 2

These days being gay is all about saying “let’s kiki,” but you might notice nobody ever says “let’s bouba”…Just one for all the kiki-bouba heads out there!

Dr. Neil Diaper

labubu

should i switch up on my day ones?

Mother is levitating 🔥💅

labubu

many of you would fall prey to this,

cat food is like: "miss bitchly's beef, Turkey, chicken, and salmon carcass melange in a thick and rich gravy liquid" dog food is like: "BLUE RIBBON: TOP PERFORMANCE dry kibble for senior living: diarrhea control" girl food is like: a small nutrient dense pellet of some sort ?

wow,

i’m walking up the street sniffing around for RCA cables the same way a truffle pig sniffs around for whatever it is they sniff around for

that’s The Napper

abolish stem. we have had enough of stem.

dressing my girlfriend up like a labubu and taking her places and explaining to people that she is my beloved labubu

my delusional beliefs are lowkey believable

so imagine that summer breeze song but he says Some Arby’s instead. what then?

girls will look at this and say "wow"

The main animals are probably - dog - cat - chicken - bird (different from chicken) - fish - shark - snake - elephant - horse - lion - tiger (includes cheetah & jaguar) - bear - cow - pig - sheep - frog - giraffe - and of course monkey (same as ape) Honorable mentions going to zebra & penguin. Duh

to be honest at even 8:49pm EST i’m something of a sleepyhead

(extremely Thursday voice) I say we push the meeting to Monday

simply just Having a Piece of candy

calling 311 because one of my neighbors is cooking something that smells really yummy

they accidentally let me see the grand scheme of things

siri play relaxing machine sounds

honest to god i’m going✈️naptime

i need to have a perfect day or i will die.