TV dramas - who the fuck in real life drinks a glass of water straight from the tap without letting it run for a minute so it’s colder?

Local election results.

Has he been?! #DavidAttenborough

What are you doing for David Attenborough Eve? #DavidAttenborough

Hey, gunrunners, didn’t you learn anything from your mothers? You should walk. Better still don’t get involved with them at all.

If you’re the victim of a three pronged attack go one better and retaliate with a fork.

Scrambled egg on toast...

Weekend(s) project nearly finished. #thankfuckforthat

Special forces dog

Bedside tables.

Some dickhead is letting off fireworks in the rain in May 🙄🤪

As he sauntered out of the room he farted seductively with every step. #Iamwriting

I’ve just caught up with this week’s #RaceAcrossTheWorld and it really is the best telly on at the moment. Kush pulling a girl at a circumcision banquet in Kazakhstan. Margo drinking vodka for breakfast on a train. Harrison chilling in Bukhara. Molly standing her ground with Uzbek cabbies.

I’m gonna forecast that the rising cost of jet fuel because of the Iran war is going to push up the cost of stay at home U.K holidays. #robbingbastards #chancers

Conversely, I used to be a LOT more plussed in MY youth than I am TODAY..

Lincoln bio

I always watch what I eat, it makes it easier to get it into my big fat gob.

I asked ChatGPT for an ETA.

Feeling very chalant these days compared to my nonchalant youth.

The Devil Wears MAGA™

Porn is clickbate.

TBF, ooh Betty.

I really think you should google the origin of a phrase before you put it on your kitchen wall in neon cursive.

Him: Are you there yet? Me: Shut Up And Keep Going!!

My stomach just quacked but I can't remember eating duck 🤷

I can't believe he just patted Camilla's bottom.

Nothing to see here, everything is totally normal 😳

Earlier my wife was wandering around the house trying to find her glasses, I had to point out she was actually wearing them 🙄

"I WAS JUST RESTING MY EYES."

I got into a taxi this morning and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put on some music?” “No. Not at all.” I replied He said, “Kiss?” “Let’s start with the music and see how we feel.”

..and Divine actually ate dog shit.

My daughter’s got a dancing gig this weekend, the glitter ball head is part of the costume she has to wear.

“Knock knock” …”Who’s there?”

Add food to a movie Two Girls One Cuppa Soup

I’ve reached the age where my chat up line is now “What’s your QRISK?”.

First come, first served.

@antoniabance.bsky.social I hope you guys are going to demand a resignation from Tice, particularly given the nonsense with Angela Rayner

🙄

Would you answer your phone and put it on speaker if you was in the Doctors waiting room, because that’s what happened 🙄

Name the film.

Of course there is a Pramland next to an adult sex shop in Hull.

Which hand do you use to wipe your bottom?

I used to love watching TFI Friday when getting ready for a night out, it feels weird it’s starting again tonight at 11pm when I’ll probably be asleep.

I was today years old when I discovered Old Jamaican rum & raisin chocolate did not actually have any alcohol content. 12 year old me feels cheated.

This is a dance off. If you see this, repost a dance or you are eliminated.

I’m fairly confident in saying I bet I was the only person here that was trying to chase a wasp out of my daughter’s bedroom at 1.40am.

For my birthday I got an omnipresent. I opened it and it went everywhere.

A Cadbury film can't come soon enough (Trump's funeral) #ChocolateFilms