They wouldn’t know if they were coming or going 🤔

Meanwhile on Temu..

Dakota Hot? Dakota Fanning.

it’s a bit of a long shot but does anybody know a good sniper?

Don’t know why this popped into my head but we once went on a short break to an ‘Eco Pod’ which was great but the toilet was pretty grim. I shone my iPhone torch into the bowl and about 6 foot below was a wheelie bin to collect the poo and wee. Don’t envy that emptying job 🤢

Damn.

@mintyminxy.bsky.social Happy birthday lovely! 🥳🎉🎂🎁🥂

Er ner, sner.

Christmas film pitch: Successful career woman moves to small American town due to work but clashes with a local dude with hilarious consequences. Hatred eventually turns to love and everything is wonderful until the last minute when they both get slaughtered by an escaped convict. Roll credits.

Is this wolf using a tool to get a seafood snack? Or does it not count, because the animal didn't construct the trap itself? @phiejacobs.bsky.social dives into that debate, plus more of the best from @science.org and science in this edition of #ScienceAdviser: www.science.org/content/arti... 🧪

Rachel Reeves to announce a tax on doing up the buttons on your cardi.

@onebigholiday31.bsky.social Finally saw One Battle After Another yesterday. Bit unsure at first but liked it more as it went on. The car chase was satisfying but how did the hitman know it was Willa driving the car?!

@anniemg.bsky.social Happy birthday Ann! Have a good one 👍🥳🎂🍾

Watching #Bullseye reminds of the time one of my friends threw a dart into the back of my head as I retrieved my darts from the board

TV series that have a ‘next time’ synopsis at the end of the episode - stop it.

I've eaten so much wax it's coming out of my ears!

Adrian Chills is one of the best things on Bluesky.

"All in all, this plasterboard saved my life." (Currently measuring out my life in Wickes product reviews.)

Goodnight.

Well this can go and fuck itself...

There’s a van I keep seeing around Hull and on the back it reads ‘WE CLEAN STUFF REALLY GOOD’ and it makes my teeth itch every time.

Leaving London at the same time as the sun #photography

Things that should always be "free", in my opinion: Basic housing Clean water Heat/AC Healthy food Health care (including dental and mental) This should all be provided to every single human on this planet by their various governments. Paid for by taxes which are proportional to a person's income.

I'd be in favour* of bringing back the pilory for people who set off fireworks. Writing to GB News about it. In a way, they're actually terrorists, actually. *I'm obviously not in favour of putting people in the pilory for anything. Actually.

Yep. And to think that so many people think this man is some sort of hero is such a sign of our twisted times.

Been listening to a podcast about carry on films, top of your head, how many films do you think they made?

Thanks for the entertainment guys, I’ve had a shitty couple of weeks and it’s nice to have a place to come to get outside my head.

If you like quirky may I recommend a new podcast with Bill Nighy called ‘ill-advised’. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Suddenly realised who Richard reminds me of.. Mr Burns from The Simpsons. #BigBrother

This Christmas why not get a pair of boxing gloves for the man in your wife.

I've never seen a shop tut before.

Just knocked up a wee thing for Blackpool council

Ooh, fireworks again, yippee! 🙄

It's blatantly obvious that this town *is* big enough for the both of us.

The one good thing about it pissing it down is that the firework wankers have stopped early.

A self confessed sex deviant accountant for Madame Tussaud’s has been accused of inappropriately massaging the figures.

Masterbation is wrong.

How Peter Pan inspired 'world's most magical address' www.bbc.com/news/article...

Old photos of stonework I did for Westminster Abbey.

Just a little short of the 10 grand needed for it to be discussed by Government..

Night time at the farm was bedlamb.

Anybody remember that tit Piers Morgan? he’s written a book titled ‘Woke is Dead’ 🤣

Whiskey/Whisky is a warm drink not to be had with ice and I’ll fight anybody in front of a roaring log fire under a furry throw naked with anyone who disagrees.

Oh fuck, I'm in trouble.

This is the Royal equivalent of the amputation of a gangrenous limb to stop the rest of The Firm getting infected. An act of self-preservation. If it was integrity, then they'd have booted Andrew out years ago. They didn't. www.ft.com/content/a7d6...

End of a shitty week so whisky it is 🥃

I have one cat hiding behind the sofa, the dog shivering on the sofa and the kid is too scared to go to bed. There is zero, I mean zero, reason fireworks shouldn't be restricted. I'm 99% sure the number of people who would like them restricted far outweighs the number of people who buy them.

I’ve always been a clumsy eater, from soup to nuts.

Doctor: Your illness is caused by a lack of magnesium. Me: 0Mg