80s-90s licensable stock music i love you

Dad Impressed By How Easily New Lawn Mower Tore Through Son’s Leg https://theonion.com/dad-impressed-by-how-easily-new-lawn-mower-tore-through-sons-leg/

i ❤️ my wasted potential

if i had all the chemistry in the world with someone and the emotional bond to go with it BUT they chewed with their mouth open it would be over right then and there i don’t play about that shit

my chest hurts so bad when i breathe

i know your game ny times

punish your child by giving them cigarettes for dogs instead of guy’s

i don’t think i’m smarter than most people because my iq is in the whateverth percentile, i think im smarter than most people because ive been on the internet before and read what people say in full confidence there

gyroid sounds like something a racist 4trans would call another trans person

i remember when girl scout cookies went from 4 dollars to 5. absolute chaos on the front lines. we lost a troop member that year

that’s nuts. had no idea they could be green

i really don’t see enough horse furries around . even if i include ponysonas there’s still a stunning lack of horse furries, guess people would just rather be deer

everyone should learn to cook for themselves it js not only useful but fun and you get to make it just the way you like it and you get to eat when you’re done yum

astral projecting to the upper plain to smack the demiurge and ask what the hell its problem is

[listening to starcadian’s spotify profile on shuffle] huh this instrumental is pretty cool. wonder what the default version is like. i sure am not expecting fortnite

the character that wants to kill themself most must survive the story

love that thing a few animated movies would do where there would be this fucked up cute animal that’s lowkey an interdimensional being that invents new war crimes and ways to break the universe just for fun. i know a whopping 2 examples

i find it really funny how all queer discourse has the same 2 sides which are inclusionists and people who think the west invented queerness

no, well meaning tumblr user, criticism of fascist women’s fashion is not the same as misogyny

if a man wanted to be attractive there’s an easy trick which is to trip and fall over and cry a lot and

i love whenever a series with alternate universe versions of characters have some of a different gender or sexuality or transness as the “main” version

i wish i had a bullet would scar on my chest that i could pull down my shirt collar to show people so they could notice its growing

there was this guy i met on minecraft over covid called bldhf (bad luck dont have fun) and someone once said “the b in bldhf stands for bad” and they were like yea

i hate that toe shoes are better for your posture

just crop dusted the crosswalk of the busiest intersection near my house. the cars all had to drive through my chem trail

my ACTUAL circus avatar who is NOT abstracted somehow but they keep looking closer to one slowly

is your credit card my mental health because it’s only been declining

how to give an osha employee a safety boner

genuinely i need a massive change in my social life if im ever gonna feel better

my tadc sona if we’re being realistic

what a privilege to watch the world you love die slowly

“name 5 ____ songs” name 5 species endemic to your area

getting 5 stars in acnh is genuinely so much worse than purifying your entire terraria world

cooking is fun because you get to eat it

i will never stop dissing lateral transphobia because it’s probably the stupidest online discourse that i’m personally affected by

certain types of trans people on the internet find out they have more in common than they thought with every type of trans person they themselves aren’t and they get really mad about it for some reason as if it’s not the most obvious conclusion a toddler could make

what if you had to go number 2 out the peehole and it came out in a long thin string

pissing off as many people as possible by using “homestuck” as a real compound word without batting an eye

I'm buying weed.

Shattered Expectations

magic adheres to patterns. the structure of a crystal, runes and sigils carved into earth, the intricacy of circuitry… it would only make sense for neurons firing in the brain to be the richest magical sources known to the world

no skin tone menu needs more than 3 white options (white, tanned, drained of blood)

the best part is, it’s entirely possible for a crowd of people to pull a human being apart with their bare hands, and we know exactly who would have the most volunteers

the increasing incidences of AI psychosis are particularly disturbing given you’re supposed to be driven insane by the rumblings of your own infernal machine, not somebody else’s

every epstien client or colleague needs a danganronpa style execution lol

on a cosmic scale, actual shit, like poop, is far far far more special than gold and diamonds

white people love using aave when it’s so much more fun to use renaissance/wizardly terms or just making shit up like adventure time

the spamtenna vs suselle discourse is stupid not because there isn’t a point to be made but because the pairings and characters themselves are so different they should be incomparable it’s like comparing an unfinished webtoon and jackass 3

actually i think everyone in the white house should be hung from an overpass for not taking out that sick old pedo

imagine how much better it would be if taylor swift learned to fly a tiny little plane like snoopy instead of her actual thing