Since we're all doing valentines day doggerell: My favorite ice cream Is chocolate chip mint Jared Kushner Is an unregistered foreign agent

valentine's day coming up tomorrow, please use these responsibly

Yeah, I always win this game.

"Toady" is more vicious and not a gendered slur.

How to disappoint the dyslexic metal head on your holiday gift list:

Oh please. For 3 years I lived on an island with a population of 700k where you couldn't get Amazon deliveries, blueberries or Dr. Pepper despite being a 3 hour flight to NZ. Wait till he finds out you can't fly a private jet from the moon to your favorite restaurant or your K dealer.

i just saw someone say "Kid Rock makes music for the people who have tattoos of their kids but not custody" and hol up i need a minute

P. J. O'Rourke famously said, "Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys". This should be updated by replacing "money" with "delete permissions" and "government" with "AI".

I have noticed my first egregiously obvious example of "second screen mandate" dialogue. A teen girl says something to her father like "he murdered my mother. It was your wife he murdered" as if dad is unaware that these are the same people. Clearly ignores the "show, don't tell" rule of plot.

IMPORTANT OLYMPIC NEWS: THE POLISH FIGURE SKATING TEAM HAS A PLUSH PIEROGI

i love european olympics opening ceremonies. the second the ioc names a european host city the prime minister calls the culture minister into their office and says "find me your strangest homosexuals. give each of them a period of our great nation's history, a kilo of cocaine, and Ten Million Euros"

My weekend plans in pdx: 1) go to ikea to look at lighting 2) find 106 million dollars I didn't know were in my bank account

TIL that Donald Trump is about 1 year older than Iggy Pop.

I live in a vote by mail state. Ive never had to deal with waiting to vote or worrying that my polling place might be closed/inaccessible. If you dont live in a VBM state, now would be a good time to pester your state reps and the secretary of state about adopting it.

The world is depressing, but at least I laugh like Beavis everytime I look at my calendar where the next medical appointment in our household is not labeled "Colonoscopy", but instead says "Butt stuff". If you're 45, it may be time for you to schedule butt stuff.

But also, this may be one of the best conflict-of-interest statements ever?

Hey if you're in pdx east county and have a BIPOC/LGBT/indoor kid girl scout selling cookies, dm me or post a link. I have a $50 cookie budget and it ain't going to Tracey Flick.

in many cases this is going to be very sad but in most cases (overlapping) it’s going to be hilarious

And here I thought the name Tom Wambsgans in Succession was a made up surname, like Col. Lockjaw in OBAA....

The older the craft or woodworking project book, the more likely there's a project that is not only stylistically dated, but not at all useful in contemporary domestic life.

Legitimately a feat of carefully calculated writing to issue a Holocaust Remembrance Day statement of this length without mentioning either (1) the people who perpetrated the Holocaust or (2) the people against whom they perpetrated it

mr. mamdani i sincerely apologize for the mileage this image is going to get

Mamdami won't try to convert you to Islam, but he will try to convert you into a reader of romance novels. I'm all for it. www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/m...

Never forget. thehill.com/homenews/hou...

We went to see a cult Giallo film tonight, and before it was this trailer, which has real Simpsons "Hey you, join the Navy!" energy youtu.be/V6m2Znm37tk?...

I told you fools to buy stock in Acme Iron Lung.

Finally a reality show nerds will watch

They should offer him a "deal": the world cup only happens in North American if he resigns.

Ethel Rosenberg was executed for treason on flimsy evidence during the cold war, likely just riding her spouse's coattails. Karla Faye Tucker got executed even after Pope JP II spoke on her behalf. If you think that we as a people are unwilling to kill lady killers, I assure you we are not.

The coolest dog in the Nw just hanging out on a raised planter at a busy intersection in Tacoma. No clue who he belongs to or why he's hanging out here.

Only 3 out of 5 Ds from Oregon is disappointing. @salinas.house.gov and @bynum.house.gov need to correct this

Re new tarriffs: maybe for Xmas, your kid only gets 2 dolls and 2 Legos. Not Lego sets, Lego bricks.

I don't know which I'm anticipating more, the midterm elections where Democrats take over and get to show these dicks the what for, or S2 of Heated Rivalry, where they get to imply the showing of dicks and we see the resolution of the what for.

I'm sorry I've never lived in a place with bodega cats but we're in a N Portland bar that appears to have a resident cat who is chill and I want this cat in my lap.

Carl Hiaasen has always poked fun at dumbasses, but his last two (Fever Beach and Squeeze Me) are a lot more pointed satire of MAGAland. Note this interesting blurb on the copyright page of 2025's Fever Beach.

Hope he likes asparagus.

A reminder that conspiracy wacko Lyndon LaRouche ran as a democrat from the 1970s to 2019. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyndon_...

Let's see, the largest metro area that doesn't fluoridate the water is...Portland, OR. Yeah good luck with this premise.

Idea to fix toxic male culture: no AMAB guy gets a law enforcement job, or profile on an app for dating women, unless 2 adult women not related to him will vouch for him. Basically like Equifax but all the reporting agencies are your lady coworkers and classmates instead of your landlord.

Overheard in the ladies room at a busy bar largely catering to people in their mid-20s, said by a woman no more than 25: "Girl, you need to start a motherfucking Roth IRA. Even if you dont make much motherfucking money, do that shit now".

How to do criticism/fandom, a mini thread: Good, reasonable criticism: "Z is a good show, here's why" "Z is bad. Here's why" "Z is good, but also check out A, B and C for these reasons" "Z is bad, A and B cover this ground and are better"

Meanwhile, actual welfare fraud in Mississippi as court case drags on. God forbid poor people get money directly to spend on food, rent, or child care; instead, let's uplift the community with volleyball courts and drug education (while pocketing admin fees). Despicable.

A modest proposal: if we have to have policing as it is historically understood in the US, it should be 80% female/enby. If the remaining male officers have a problem with that, they can go be firefighters. Or unarmed mall cops. How do we get there? Mayors, appoint female/nb police commissioners.

You know what would lead to strong families and more kids? Not having government thugs shooting mothers dead in their cars.

Why the new food guidelines look like Cards Against Humanity

In other news, I think I've learned what my mom's favorite color is vis-a-vis pens you're allowed to pocket when you visit a financial or legal services office.

MacKenzie Scott, please give $10 million to a regional/national newspaper that isn't in bed with the administration. No one expected Teen Vogue to start posting political info, surely there's a paper in Ohio or Maryland willing to do real report ing if they aren't worried about losing advertisers.