red velvet cake is actually chocolate and doesn’t have velvet in it at all

BREAKING: Explosions felt across New York City as full socialism begins

zohran mamdani just got married to new york city

happy nude year

any time someone mentions ‘america’ i’m going to be like “wait, north or south?”

these turkish delights have turkish ends

much like years prior, next year i’m getting things from ebay

starting to think the onlyfans accounts that don’t follow me but like my posts don’t actually LIKE like my posts

happy birthday earth, we are killing you as fast as we possibly can

want to feel old? 2020 was 20 years ago

malcolm mcdowell really gets typecasted as depraved psycho

the world is your cloister

(repeating to myself like a mantra) it’s okay to clean your house even if no one is coming over

getting targeted ads for shaving my butt

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

in my culture, a bathrobe and sweatpants are traditional attire

the adam sandler movie Click (2006) was an elaborate ad for bed bath & beyond

Today is the last day that you can repost this image

who else thinks kristi noem should spell her last name like ‘gnome’ and also should be a gnome

not updating my age next year

let’s hear those 2026 predictions

(listening to mr. brightside) you’re cumming out of your what

thinking about him again

climbing to the top of a mountain is peak

we’re pretty much going through the “doomed to repeat it” phase of history

if there’s one thing about shaq it’s that he will do a commercial for anything

followed my dreams and ended up in the abyss

You FUCKED UP, your LEFTY politics have ALIENATED the BILLIONAIRES who run the CHILD BONE EXTRACTION FACTORIES and now they will do a MASS EXODUS from your STATE or CITY. Don’t CRY to ME when you no longer see their CHILD CATCHING VANS in your STATE or CITY, YOU IDIOT

An essential development over the past decade-plus is that the ignorant went from feeling chastened when their ignorance was revealed to banding together and deciding that, actually, they were right. They might disagree at times, but they agreed that ignorance itself was an indicator of trust.

we have to trust that the dragon hoarding treasure in the mountain, taking our livestock, burning the village and killing us on a whim has our best interests in mind and will share some of its wealth any day now

we really fumbled it calling them smartphones instead of pokécom

they should make slightly threatening balloons that say “GET WELL OR ELSE”

not saying anything to someone as they leave is bye erasure

people are going to miss eric adams in the same way you’d miss a lunatic sorcerer who was evil and made your life worse but was an undeniably fascinating character

i don’t consider myself lower middle class as much as part of the “nouveau poor”

the rings are food for sonic the hedgehog and he eat them

the eagles are a good to great team that loves to throw in the towel early on

no comrade, WE are charlie kirk

this is exactly what i’d say if i went to new orleans at some point then later on saw it mentioned somewhere

pants without pockets feel so pointless. not even worth covering your bottom half with them

My current theory for how capitalism will end is that instead of revolution or reform it’s going to consume itself like an idiot ouroboros

nuts are basically a type of wood you can eat

if i were Sisyphus i’d stop pushing that rock and go drink a damn beer

i’ve ended several wars that i made up

i agree with the hypothesis of primordial soup if only bc i love soup

50/50 chance between RFK Jr eating ET or adopting ET since they look similar

trump’s hand only looks like that because he was punching drywall in the garage it’s not a big deal

cowboy who stubbed his toe:

eating is such a scam. you eat then get hungry again. that’s how it gets you

ending a war by starting one then immediately saying it has been won