every evangelical conservative, either overtly or covertly, wants a theocracy

you could probably convince conservatives of more progressive points if you don’t use trigger buzzwords that put them in immediate defense mode

what if frankenstein’s monster was also named frankenstein

if you see something, say something. for example, if you see a bird say “bird”

just got raptured. completely nude. the angels are laughing at my appendages

the father, the son, and the holy uncle

getting in line to vote right now, to stay in line as long as possible

can’t wait to toil in the digital fields of mark zucherberg’s virtual feifdom

my matrix goo pod would be filled with lychee jelly and i’d be slurpin on it

it must be so awesome to be an american right now for delusional fucking idiots who live in an alternate reality

they’re putting cocaine back in coca-cola so it won’t be woke anymore

designating incels as a terrorist organization

going to give my newborn child even more vaccines now

we are now learning autism is caused by a number of things we just made up

vibes based medicine and the vibes are the worst

jimmy kimmel on his first night back: yes, yes, i know we thought i was gone for good. but i’ve returned…unlike Charlie Kirk who is dead and never coming back! (audience laughs then it cuts to standby screen)

once jimmy kimmel goes back on the air we can have brunch again

congress passes unanimous vote in favor of national Dead Podcaster Day

i would eat dragon meat, if necessary

music journalism is 10% about the music and 90% about the obscure philosophy book the writer recently read and desperately wants to tie into it

jimmy fallon should be canceled but only because he sucks and not for what he says

the free speech president says it’s illegal to say mean things about him

in your 30s if you don’t stretch every day you are met with Body Punishment

time to take a big wet shower

israel’s own worst enemy is itself now

just got raptured. completely nude. the angels are laughing at my appendages

the people yearn for shit that actually works for them

Media execs have fallen prey to a propaganda and harassment campaign that has completely divorced them from what people actually want right now. Both their insular information environments (group chats, podcasts) and ambient noise (Twitter reactionaries) have put them in a very stupid bubble.

"Debate-me-bro culture, that's not real persuasion. Folks who are interested in this kind of debate-me-bro culture are not interested in persuasion at all. They're interested in the performance of their own intelligence," says @devawo.bsky.social. newrepublic.substack.com/p/is-america...

this exists it is called thinking

really sad you can’t tell the difference between a bot and a human sometimes not bc the bots have gotten smarter, but because we’ve all gotten dumber and more insane

as much as i hate jimmy fallon’s annoying laugh i think he should be allowed to do it

unfortunately i can only learn in the form of youtube video essays now

verizon does not need to send me messages thanking me for my payment, it was not my pleasure

REMINDER

not a top priority but if the government falls we need a new flag. the whole design is atrocious

not sure what to wear for my first day of mandatory reeducation camp

the kimmel thing is bad but as long as they arent rounding people up indiscriminately based on race, building concentration camps and talking about eradicating those they deem sexual deviants, i think we’ll be ok

real human art is so amazing and deserves the world

after being pressured by the trump administration, i have made the difficult decision to step down as president of antifa

what if “throwing your hands up” meant they just popped right off and went flying

every capitalist it like “you don’t have money because you can’t understand basic ECONOMICS. it’s about GDP the Googoo Doodoo Peepee”

i’d trade all the late night tv show hosts to get anthony bourdain back

imagine how many simultaneous matches of super smash bros you could power with a data center

optimizing my schedule by putting “optimize” for every hour of my day

not sure when i started doing it but now instead of standard reaction ones i respond to texts with topic specific emojis

Donate to my campaign to make Laura Loomer’s day worse: secure.actblue.com/donate/abu-bluesky

disregarding them being billionaires with untold power and influence, they are delusional sociopaths

If you have an extra $10 a month to spare, here's a list of worker-owned cooperative news sites you might want to support: • 404 Media • Defector • The Flytrap • Flaming Hydra • The Appeal • Aftermath • Racket • Hell Gate • The 51st • The Colorado Sun • Range Media • Discourse Blog • Pop Heist

the robot says you must die sorry