I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Ignore the haters, London is the 🐐

we put the radiator on

Autumn equinox: oh hi I'm here now Spiders:

Let's all just put our Christmas trees up right now. If we all do it at the same time they can't stop us.

Our mission to resist switching on the central heating until October has officially ended in failure.

This was on Mel and Sue's new gameshow and I'm so confused. How can socks be second-highest on the list of items that people lose? How do you lose socks? Surely they're either on your feet or they're not?

Which movie do you consider to be perfect?

I always feel like #Strictly's arrival on TV is the first official sign that Christmas is on its way.

Every time I look at this image I get annoyed for a different reason, it’s remarkable

The price of outdoorsy/mountainy stuff really is absolutely insane isn't it? I mean I get that this example is better quality than you'd get in Mountain Warehouse (for example), but is it really *that* much better? Just how waterproof can a waterproof jacket really get? Who is even buying these?

Pet Portraits are back open during the popular festive season! Want to gift a loved one a personalised one of a kind portrait from a children’s illustrator? Find out more here, www.gracesandford.com/new-products #kidlitart #illustration #kidlituk

Anyone else finding that when you first open this app in the morning, it shows you a post for a split second and then, just as you start reading it, it scrolls up and away from it and you never see it again?

Going to a football match on a Friday feels properly weird.

Coming soon from @christhebarker.bsky.social and me...

My personal TV theme song top 5. 1. Bruce's Big Night All the rest are just a footnote. www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjFc...

My personal TV theme song top 5: The Raccoons (end credits theme) Quantum Leap The Greatest American Hero Due South Baywatch

When I was at uni there was a guy with a mullet who everyone called "Mull", and at some point that morphed into people calling him "Kintyre". I sometimes wonder if he still gets called that.

These days, if you take a sideways look at the week's news, you'll be arrested and thrown in jail.

Solidarity with TfL and London Underground workers in @RMTUnion facing deportation after their jobs were reclassified as “unskilled”. There’s no such thing as unskilled work, just low-paid work. What a disgraceful way to treat migrant workers who keep London running.

I created a shot today trying out my homemade single pupil version of The Eye I made from Alien Earth. I'm pretty proud of it, it photographs well. All shot practically as usual. #alienearth #theeye #miniatures #photography

Always have such a fun time doing this podcast (even though I can't bring myself to listen to the episodes I've actually been on). Have a listen for a chance to win a signed copy of my new Notwitches book (which is also available to buy right now!).

Cover reveal! Don’t Splash Grandpa written by @juliegonzalez.bsky.social and Illustrated by me published by sourcebooks hits shelves in April 2026!!! Kids at the community pool have a blast, whirling, splashing and playing games but watch out for the grumpy grandpa! #kidlitart #kidlit

The excellent @garypanton.co.uk returns to our @comedyclub4kids.bsky.social Radio Nonsense podcast to talk about being mayor of clown town & his new book ‘Notwitches: Prison Break’. Plus a comp to win a copy! Get your kids to listen at: pod.fo/e/32c197 Available all places podcasts live.

Just spotted this Amazon review for a kids' Would You Rather book I wrote a couple of years ago and this circled bit really made me giggle.

I made a croc of beans for you. Please respond

You could trace the shape of mainstream American cinema over the past 60 years purely by watching Robert Redford films. A new presence in a dying form, the beautiful face of on-screen cynicism, through gently bloated star films to the dawn of the modern superhero.

Just saw a pheasant stuck in a fence and for a second I thought it was my big chance to film myself rescuing it and get a million likes on Instagram for convincing it to live with me and then realising it's the reincarnated spirit of a dead relative. But in the end it just freed itself and flew off.

Out in just 16 days: my month-by-month guide to the 1980s in pop, from Run-DMC to Mel & Kim, and from Haircut 100 to 808 State. It's called #IntoTheGroove, it's published by @eandtbooks.bsky.social, and you can buy it from all sorts of places, like here: uk.bookshop.org/p/books/into...

Oh my god

🍂 We're opening a 24 hour submission period here at Chicken House this Autumn Equinox (22nd September) 🍂 Do you: 🖋️Live in the UK or Ireland? 🖋️Have a finished or unfinished novel for children aged 7-11? This opportunity might be for you! Details➡️ https://loom.ly/LX7qCic

Pretty confident that number 22 has the most Scottish name of all time.

I love the implication that Rihanna and Will Smith have ever visited Top Cutt in Upton Park

Ep 31 of my music textcast #FirstLastAnything. This week, read my conversation with the journalist and travel writer William Ham Bevan (@hambevan.bsky.social), where we cover TV schools soundtracks, one of the 70s' biggest bands and old tapes of the top 20. firstlastanything.co.uk/2025/09/14/f...

Reminder that 100,000 people marched for Trans Pride in London earlier this year, but because they weren't violent fascists, there was minimal press coverage, unlike the Nazis today. https://www.them.us/story/london-trans-pride-march-turnout-record-uk-transphobia

I know this is from Temu so it's probably full of broken glass and toenails, but seriously how cool would it be to have something like this in a kids' bedroom?

Other than the World Cup finals, international football is largely just an annoying inconvenience that gets in the way of the proper stuff and I'd very happily see the majority of it scrapped.

In hindsight, the only thing Facebook was ever really good for was providing a lazy way for us all to say happy birthday to each other.

It's an en dash vs hyphen showdown #unichall

There's another Gary Panton out there who has a somewhat different approach to me on social media. Not saying it's better or worse. Just different.

This is like the time Italy had Kevin Lasagna playing for them (or if England had a Jonathan Racism in their team). bsky.app/profile/gary...

Pretty confident that number 22 has the most Scottish name of all time.

WORLD BOOK WEEK OFFER Are you a school in the Scottish islands? Would you like an author visit with no author fees? Step this way and check out the alt text below…. Please get in touch via my website contact form 📚🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @scottishbooktrust.bsky.social @asls.org.uk @slgscotland.bsky.social

Did a big writing sesh today and as I was starting to tire I wrote a chapter where a character turned into a giant smooth rhomboid with a face, which I'm already predicting will definitely not make the final edit.

London! London-adjacent people! If you'd like to come and say hi and get your Loki: A bad God's Guide to Causing Chaos signed I will be at The Children's Bookshop on Sat 13th, 11am. I will also be painting their window... @walkerbooksuk.bsky.social #UKKidlit #Edusky

Anyone done the closing credits to The Pink Panther yet? I’ll be terribly disappointed if not!

During lockdown, I fell in love with that video of these two tiny boys delightedly toddling up to each other for a hug. We all need a bit more of that these days… all the divisive rhetoric and *othering* is so bloody horrible… MORE LOVE. More connection. All Racism, and bigotry can get in the bin

NEW! In ep 30 of my music textcast, #FirstLastAnything, writer, DJ and musician Ian Wade (@wadeywade.bsky.social) tells me about his superb book, 1984: The Year Pop Went Queer, plus Saint Etienne’s farewell album, Eurodisco, dub and electroclash – and more! firstlastanything.co.uk/2025/09/07/f...